Exploring Male Energy


When you meet someone new it takes time to get to know who they are deep inside. Once you get past the surface layer and start to explore, the real unfolding begins. Social profiling happens naturally, giving us a clue into who someone is inside. Does he drive a Hummer, Smart Car or Hot Rod? Does he live in the City or out in the Burbs? What does he do for a living, Artist, Accountant, Fireman? What you see on the outside is not always what is on the inside. You need to dig deeper.

What someone spends their day doing can be a reflection of what interests them, sometimes, but we don’t all find ourselves immersed in our passion as a way of making a living. What matters is that we have passion somewhere within our day. Each individual soul placed on earth is here for their journey following their path. We are drawn to certain people for many different reasons. I like to think everyone has something to teach me whether it be a little or large lesson, I am open.

Our heart is what’s most important. Finding out what make it beat is the fun part. What feeds his soul? Where does he find inspiration? What does he aspire to do when he grows up? 😉 What is he doing to make a difference in the world? What makes his blood boil? What makes his heart race? What brings him to the point of no return? What brings him to his knees? What topic of conversation intrigues his intellect? What are his religious beliefs? What makes him giggle? What scares him? What part of the woman’s body does he find most erotic? Where are his erogenous zones? What was his most embarrassing moment? Has his heart been broken? Those are questions that are on my mind when I meet someone new. They don’t need to be answered right away but they are floating in the back of my subconscious.

It takes time for our true colours to shine. Everyone has had a struggle here or there, I view those moments as an opportunity for character building. Isn’t it more important how someone deals with less favourable situations than the perfect ones? We all make choices in life to where we are going, some earlier than others. Does it matter what we do as much as how we do it? Have we lost the desire to find out what really matters because we lack the time and energy to do so? Do we have the patience anymore to take the time to get to know someone, I mean really know someone!

Before you start to explore the male energy write down what it is you want his energy to radiate. Here are a few things on my wish list…care to add what’s on yours?

Passion, intellectually stimulating, sensual, romantic, sense of humour, spiritual, healthy, creative, unselfish, confident, affectionate, loves children, loves to travel, compassionate, inner strength, sexual compatibility, chemistry, loves life, strong moral values, integrity, loves nature!

Time and patience is the only true way to find out what is deep beneath the surface.

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Hello Handsome…

I wrote a post last week called Exploring All Your Senses. I mentioned that sometimes we meet or know people who see us for who we truly are and it’s those individuals who make us strive to be better people. They keep us in check. They are not afraid to call us on things we say or do.

The sun came out this morning almost blinding me as I went through the Tim Hortons drive though to grab a java. I soaked up each ray with a ginormous smile on my face and even said out loud “Hello Sunshine” it felt like spring was in the air. The cashier had an extra big smile when I arrived, saying “your coffee was bought by the gentleman before you…and he was very handsome!” I giggled and said “really?” in my sweetest voice. (I was saying really to the coffee being bought not that he was handsome) I didn’t see him but that’s how she described him! Was it the kind gesture that made him handsome or was it simply his appearance that appealed to the cashier?

Which leads me to the real topic of my post…

So, I apparently describe men I meet more often than not as handsome. (my mind instantly sticks up for me justifying with…”and that’s wrong…why?”) I am only writing about this because it has been brought to my attention on more than one occasion. My initial reaction when it was first pointed out was (I won’t mention her name but she’s known me my entire life) “Well I’m just not going to tell you when I meet someone…handsome” and then the next time by two others (both handsome by the way) I said annoyed in denial “I do NOT say every guy I meet is handsome!” Which lead to a debate…that I sadly lost because of a technicality. I do in-fact describe men as handsome more often than not. One ‘other’ person added that I say “he was actually a really nice guy” but we’ll leave him out of it (he too is handsome!) 😉 HA! How lucky am I to meet so many really nice guys who so happen to be handsome! I know Bonnie is giggling with me right now!

When I describe a man as handsome I think they are but for more than their exterior. You don’t get described as handsome by me just because of how you look. I describe those guys as ‘hot’ (lol) Handsome is much deeper than hot.

I see the eyes first, then smile, then neck, and shoulders, and hands…okay, okay sorry! It’s the warmth that comes from behind a mans eyes that attracts me to him. Our conversation is what makes me want to listen and look longer, if he can make me laugh, bonus! A kind warm open heart is what will get me in the end, not handsome! Throw in intellect and I jump in with wide eyed enthusiasm! That is what makes a man handsome to me. It would have been the kind gesture that made the man who bought my coffee handsome to me. I will admit that when I am with my girlfriends feeling feisty we s-o-m-e-t-i-m-e-s just sit and appreciate the outer shell of men as they stream through the coffee shop because that’s just fun!

So, it may appear to some that I use the word ‘handsome‘ far too often and perhaps I do need to be more specific when describing the really nice men I meet. They are manly, kind, helpful, sarcastic, loving, cute, pleasing, generous, interesting, tempting, irresistibly sexy, alluring, tough, serious, intriguing, talented, intellectually stimulating, hilarious, confident…I could keep going but I am sure you get the point. I may describe men as being handsome but only because it’s a quick way of saying they made me look a little deeper than their surface because of something unique they showed me about who they are.

The man in both the photos I used has been my living example of what handsome truly is. He is my measuring stick, he is my Dad and I think he is the most handsome man EVER to have walked the earth…inside and out! xo (the beautiful woman is my Mom :))

Handsome is as handsome does…Character and behaviour are more important than appearance ~ proverb

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Intimacy ~

Each month we take turns creating a new header with a word of choice. I chose Intimacy this month so today I will write about just that!

I met a man recently who has challenged me in more ways than one. I couldn’t help but be drawn to him because of the way he intrigued me with his intellect. Yes…he is handsome! Having said that, it was NOT what initially attracted me to him at all! Our conversations were filled with sarcastic banter that grabbed me by the hand and wouldn’t let go no matter how hard I tried to pull away! Oh how I love the energy of sarcastic banter! It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end!

In one of our great debates we took on the topic of intimacy, seeking intimacy! What would you describe intimacy to be? I always related the word intimacy to that moment shared between two during sex? Intimate sex…who doesn’t want that! I have to admit I was taken back that this man was interested in talking about intimacy, let alone seeking it himself! I love the male perspective on everything!

Yes you can have intimate sex but until you have experienced true intimacy with your partner it’s simply empty sex, the kind that leaves you feeling satisfied sexually but unsatisfied emotionally even though you had an O!

True intimacy is when two can share moments, even hours together just holding hands and touching one another without the complication of sex. You learn what really matters to each other when you share intimacy. No one has patience anymore, it’s a virtue that’s lost. It seems that everyone just wants to jump right in to bed and hope for the best and unfortunately it usually end awkwardly and prematurely (no pun intended) because no one has the desire to take it slow to find the intimate side of their partner.

Intimacy naturally appears when your ready to explore the possibilities of love in a relationship. Couples often don’t take the time that’s needed in order to experience true intimacy. Our lives are full with no room for quiet moments, that if taken would change the way we think. Intimacy can be scary. Just the thought of opening your heart and feeling vulnerable is not worth the risk for most.

Would you fall in love if you knew that it would end with a broken heart? Silly question? I don’t think so. If you answered yes then I believe you have experienced true intimate love and know it’s worth the risk. If you answered no, perhaps you have yet to feel intimate love in it’s purest form, which can include pain, but still worth the risk of a broken heart! Intimate love is possible, it’s out there, waiting for us to take a chance and open our hearts to explore the possibilities!

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Deal Breakers – What Are Yours?

If you met someone new and were attracted to them physically, what would be a deal breaker for you? I had this conversation with a man who I find attractive…we’ll leave it at that! He was looking at my ears for an extended length of time, which I didn’t notice at first, but then he let the cat out of the bag, big ears are a deal breaker for him! “Seriously” was all I could say, while laughing nervously wondering…”Do I have big ears?” I don’t, but you never know what someone else’s perception is of you.

I’ve learnt as a woman when a man says you have…lets say ‘small ears‘, just go with it. You don’t argue or debate it, you have small ears from that point on for the rest of your life! He also told me a moustache was another one of his deal breakers, phew is all I could think, thank god for tweezers and a 10X10 mirror! I am starting to think it’s very important in your 40’s to date men who wear glasses! You have no idea how tempting it was for me to wear a set of dumbo ears and a black stache when we met for coffee! The stache I can take care of but what if I did have big ears? Would he really not want to hang out with me?

So, having had this conversation, it made me wonder what my deal breakers might be? I say that like I’ve never even had a list! lol I called Bonnie and explained our conversation and said I couldn’t think of mine! She actually laughed out loud and said in a stupefied voice “YOU HAVE TONS!” I replied in denial “I do? I did? I’ve changed!” Hmmmm I guess I have a few but I really have changed over the years and I think some of my deal breakers are now negotiable. I am not looking for a man to have perfect babies with or someone who I will spend the next 50 years with…hang on that’s actually possible, the 50 years part! I am looking for someone who can be themselves around me, who is confident and has no expectations. I’ve learned to accept people for who they are, flaws and all! But I guess we all have things we just can’t get past. If I was really in love and I mean head over heels in love with someone, would I even see what might have been a deal breaker in my past?

I try not to look at what I don’t find attractive as much as what I do find attractive. Having said that, I also know that when someone does something that grates on you, it can be hard to ignore! 🙂 But that works both ways and is where compromise works its way to the surface of any union. Physical appearance is something we can’t always change, so it wouldn’t bother me as much as behaviour in someone. Arrogance for example, is a turn off for me. Sense of humour is a huge turn on. Vulgarity; turn off, chivalry; turn on! Intellect I would take over dumb and handsome every time! Do you see what I mean, it doesn’t have to be a physical deal breaker. I like to focus on the positive, like a man’s hands, hard working hands that can take care of me…sexy. There is so much to love about men, I won’t list all the parts of the body I find attractive, I’ve written that post on my ‘other’ blog…Male Sexy Bits. The bottom line, every man is unique and has attractive qualities. That’s what you should focus on!

I think for me if a man is healthy, and lives by example I could overlook a few things, if he was willing in return. Cause we all know unless you’re willing to turn that magnifying mirror around, don’t go there! If a man takes care of himself and loves himself, and there is natural chemistry between the two of us, I don’t see how I couldn’t fall for him. I look at it like this…If I am going to put my time and love into another human being I want to know that they care about themselves as much as I do.

So I guess my only real deal breaker would be someone who doesn’t take care of themselves in mind, body and spirit. We all eventually pass on, so for me the time we spend here should be cherished, in the moment living life to the fullest, so our time here on earth is well spent! I keep fit for my heart and soul, I eat to live and laugh for mental health! Here’s to the next 50 years, I can hardly wait to meet you! 🙂 (or maybe we already have!)

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Red Flags…Why do we ignore them?

Red flags are a warning sign that something’s just not quite right. It’s more obvious than intuition. Intuition keeps us safe (if we listen to it), red flags warn us of a situation that is about to lead us astray. Intuition we feel, red flags we see…but not always! When we do get a glimpse of that little red unsuspecting piece of cloth waving ever so delicately, we tend to turn a blind eye and forget what it stands for. Lets face it, we don’t want to see red flags because they pop our bubble, sending us spinning back to reality! We see them when we don’t listen to our intuition. We are in complete denial at that point. We’ve all seen and ignored a few red flags in our existence, I know I have.

That ominous red flag waves right behind his head but we get mesmerized by his charming smile and seductive eyes, like a dog does when it sees a squirrel, or a child by something shiny! It takes all of a minute to forget about what it stands for. Why do we do this? I’m an intelligent woman but I too have ignored a few red flags in my time! I think sometimes we are enticed by the challenge or blinded by the possibilities. I see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt more often than not. Gullible? I’d like to think of myself as trusting, and honest. My motto “Be honest…and hope for the best”, so far it’s working for me. You can’t be faulted for speaking the truth, think of it as character building. Or that it just feels right! (not that I haven’t told a few outright blatant lies in my time, or done a few things I am not particularly proud of (Bonnie shhhhh), I am no angel (cough *wink) but I like to think I am evolving with each life experience!) See “Be honest and hope for the best” it’s liberating really!

When you don’t know someone’s history, you’re playing Russian Roulette when it comes to red flags. I think most women need to see a few red flags in order to pay-attention to them, seeing one just doesn’t seem cut it for most of us! I apparently need to see a few! 🙂

Another reason I think women ignore red flags is because we allow our ego to get in the way of common sense. Ego is a hard thing to keep in check, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. A flash of those pearly whites over the shoulder of another woman...red flag! But he’s sooooo handsome in his uniform! Chances are it’s NOT his sister! Texting you only while he’s at work…red flag! How come it’s not as obvious in the moment, but when you look back it’s so blatant. It sucks when you come to the realization that your first impression isn’t what you thought it was because you ignored the now obvious red flags.

What you have to keep in mind is, we are only in control of our own behaviour and actions, we learn from every situation we enter (hopefully), we should never judge the path that someone else is walking, the truth will set you free (most times lol), try to find humour in everyday happenings, and timing in life is crucial!

I happened upon a site called Heartless Bitches International that has a slew of red flags under their RANTS page if anyone’s interested!

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24 hours of Online Dating…for Research!

I’ve said before “Don’t knock it til ya try it”, so I tried it, sort of. I am talking about Internet Dating Sites. There are lots to chose from, eHarmony, Plenty of fish, Match.com, It’s Just Lunch, to name a few. I decided to join one, not to date but to find out if any guys have met someone compatible. I put up a picture and filled in the questionnaire. I put right in my profile that I was a blogger doing research looking for information, good or bad, about personal experiences with online dating. I made it clear that I had no intention of ever meeting anyone in person. Almost immediately I received instant messages which made me laugh, first was a 26 yr old, seriously I could be your MOTHER! I forgot to adjusted my age range! The default is 18-99! I quickly changed it to 30-32 much more realistic! lolol!

After about 10 minutes of that I panicked and immediately wanted to delete my profile but when I tried it said I couldn’t for 24 hours! OMG-24-HOURS! This was a terrible mistake! I was getting instant message pop up after pop up from different profile names, none of which were actually names, mountainman, execxxx, tall1100, all wanting to IM me. No good could possibly come of that! It’s worse than texting, I hate texting! It was like facebook when I didn’t know how to turn off the email notification that came to my phone every time someone poked me! And I assure you poking on a dating site is nothing like Facebook! lol There is an option that allows you to hid your photo and only share it with potential dates. Identity concealing? Hmmm, as much as I disagreed with it, I jumped on that option as soon as I could! After I hid my photo, Voila, no more messages! Phew! Without a photo its kind of like reading classified ads…boring. Not that I’am boring, but my profile was! lol

In general, I felt uncomfortable talking online to men I knew nothing about, they could potentially be axe murderers! Not that any of them are! The guys I communicated with were great and had a mix of good and bad experiences, just like regular dating. Some found love and others met some real wing nuts! One thing all the guys could agree on was not everyone is as they appear in their photo! My advice, use a realistic picture, not one you want to look like or used to look like 10 years ago but a new one! Why lie, unless you don’t plan on ever meeting up in person! They may not say anything, but they’re going to notice the obvious misrepresentation! Women have been told for years that men don’t notice what we perceive as flaws unless we point them out, in this case it’s NOT a flaw to be YOU! Deception on the other hand is not a good way to start a relationship! Be happy with who you are and you will find a partner who will love you for who you are! Start out the way you mean to end and be honest!

The guys I communicated with changed my perspective, to some degree, it doesn’t seem as horrible or desperate as I might have first thought. There were the obvious guys who were just trolling looking for a good time, but just like meeting in person you have to kiss a few frogs to meet your prince charming! Here is an example of what one guy wrote me that made me giggle!

Quote:I’ve had lots of romantic relationships with people I met online. I married one and it lasted over 4 years, another lasted 6 months and was very passionate, and then others of shorter duration but very postive parts of my adult history.

The whole thing is terribly interesting. The two worst dates of my life were with women that were so gorgeous I could barely say hello when we met, and by the time we finished eating I couldn’t wait to be rid of them. One was drunk and vulgar and the other had table manners that were so bad I was embarrassed to be seen at the same table with her.

Then of course there were the ones whose photos were 10 years and 50 pounds ago. But I had invited them to dinner and didn’t want to make a scene so I kept smiling and picked up a big check”. anonymous (‘BIG Check’ lol)

There are positive and negatives to meeting on the internet, just as there are for meeting in person. For me there is nothing more magical than seeing someone in person who makes your heart beat faster. Chance meetings make us feel as though its destiny, meant to be, whereas internet dating seems premeditated in my opinion! Premeditated isn’t the best choice of words but I think you get what I am saying! Online you can eliminate a few things you wouldn’t want to deal with through your profile, such as drinkers/smokers but apparently not everyone is completely honest with their profiles as I was told by quite a few guys.

Thanks guys for your honesty and willingness to help out in the name of research. I wish you all success in finding your true love or whatever it is you’re looking for! I think you get out what you put into it, just like anything in life. If you’re really serious about online dating you should join one that meets with you in person to avoid any misconceptions.

I will add that not a minute past the 24 hour mark, my profile was deleted! I am too much of a romantic to meet a love interest online, for me it would have to be by chance, divine timing with eye contact, pheromones and natural chemistry!

Happy Dating Everyone! No, I didn’t meet the handsome dude on the left, (Bonnie had the nerve to say he’s wayyy to young for me and wrecked it!) I just liked the look in his eyes!

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Mommy’s Little Boy ~

Every time I tune into the Olympics and watch the athletes compete, not just the Canadian ones, any of them, I feel so proud and get teary eyed because I can’t help but look at them as a Mother. Overnight my son has grown up, I am literally starting to freak out just thinking about it! I find myself starring at him for long periods of time dumbfounded. Yes, it’s a part of life but I am having a real hard time with it right now. He’s on the way to becoming a young man.

Jess and I have always been really close, he tells me almost everything, I hope that never changes. There is something unique and special about your first born. Mine was a 10 lb 3 oz baby sumo served C-section style with big brown eyes and Sean Connery eye brows! He’s polite, respectful and has a spontaneous infectious nature! Jess is not just a handsome face, he made the ‘A’ honour roll at school this year, and he’s a natural athlete and has a great sense of humour. I often ask myself how I got to be so lucky for him to pick me to be his Mom! Good Karma?

I have noticed lately that his voice is starting to get deeper and has grown so fast in the last couple of months it’s like I can see him morphing right before my eyes. Maybe it’s got something to do with getting his long curly locks cut really short which instantly added about 2 years. Regardless, time is slipping away and I can’t seem to grab onto it to slow it down, believe me I’m trying!

He was sitting on my knee the other night and it almost, I stress almost, felt silly but I will continue to do it until he refuses regardless of how much it hurts my knee’s and lap! I’m hanging on for dear life here. My second cousin Casey recently lost his life at 28, a solid reminder to parents to stare, listen and stop what you are doing even for just a moment to grab as much love from your kids as they will give.

Life is so precious and kids are the visual measuring stick of how fleeting our time with them really is. I appreciate every single smile, hug and kiss I can get. Jess can melt my heart with a simple look back at me when he is walking away. I know there are so many parents out there that can totally relate.

Bonnie and Jacquie have helped make me aware of how fast our kids grow up with having older offspring, which I am grateful for. I am not sure there is any preparation for your little boy growing up though, I guess honesty is the best way to explain my strange behavior to him.

Little boys wake up one day and they have an adult sense of humor, leg hair and start to eat you out of house and home. It’s crazy when you get to the stage of looking at your little boy and you can see exactly what he is going to look like as a young man! I have been prepped for years for this with James, Bonnie’s son but it’s still hard.

No regrets here, but I would like to stop time every now and then to just breathe and take in the moment a little longer!  ~Love You Forever Jess~

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It’s My Life….

I was lying in the sun on the trampoline recently listening to Bon Jovi and I think he says how I feel perfectly in this song.  Jon Bon Jovi is the whole package as far as I am concerned.  He is talented, hard working, intelligent, funny, handsome, charitable to name a few.  He has been my Day Pass for quite some time.  I would LOVE to meet the man!  It is my life and I live it as just that.  Depending on your mood this morning you can choose the acoustic version or the live version that will get your blood pumping!  Either way I am sure your going to have a great day after listening to this incredibly talented ensemble….enjoy!  It’s My Life !

Tracy

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