A Mothers Plea

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I write because I have to, it is a force within me I can not ignore. I write because it is therapeutic and I find solace that maybe just one other human being will relate to my words. Writing makes me feel not alone in this sometimes very large scary world in which we live.

I am strong and independent and positive beyond the norm, I can find the silver lining in almost any dark stormy cloud, but I am only human.

It’s easy to turn a negative into a positive when it comes to life in general. I have taught myself to rise above the negative and consciously choose happiness where I find a brighter side.

~Love, I have faith that I will find love one day and share moments in time with a man who  fills my hearts with peace.

~Health, I will get through anything this life sends my way. Jill Brzezinski-Conley showed me how grace and love along with support got her to a place of rest in the most beautiful heart warming way.

~Politics, I have faith in the human race to choose wisely, making this world a safer place to thrive for all humanity.

I have faith in all outside sources, but nothing can break the heart or debilitate a Mother like the worry for her child.

I write today from a Mothers heart which feels the pain of even the slightest unsettledness of her child. Being a Mother has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I knew from a very young age that one of my main purposes in life was to be a Mom. Another is to give love and acceptance to those who cross my path.

When your kids are young you focus on their safety and wellbeing. You are responsible for their survival. I was fortunate and I am grateful to have been at home with mine for over 10 years. It wasn’t a sacrifice, it was a choice. I chose to leave my career and do my best to raise two human beings who would make a difference in the world. The moment I heard their heart beat, I loved them more than everything else. My heart expanded more than I could have ever imagined. I was to be a Mom. That alone was a gift. They were mine to guide and protect with my life, along side their Dad.

Kids grow and unfold, becoming their own person. They stretch their wings in different ways, some soar and some crash to the ground. Sometimes we can relate, and there are times we don’t understand, but we try, we listen, we learn, and we give them love and support. It’s natural that they cause us grief from time to time. Just as we caused or still cause our parents many sleepless nights.

But when does your heart stop hurting when they start to walk down a path you know is not what you taught. When does your heart stop hurting when you try to guide them but they don’t want to listen. When does your heart have the courage and faith to let go so they can walk on their own. How does a Mom let go when she knows the world is big and scary and not everyone survives.

When do you close your eyes and trust they will be just fine…

My Plea to my kids…

Please remember I love you with every ounce of my being.

Please remember each night wherever you lay your head that I am thinking of you and hoping you are safe and warm with a belly full of food, and your beautiful creative mind is at peace.

Please remember that I am always here in a time of need and that no problem is too big for me to handle. You are never alone.

Please remember that when you think you can’t, I KNOW you can. I know you better than you know you and yes, yes you certainly can.

Please remember you are worthy of love from someone out of this world special, because you are amazing!

Please know that you are my favourite part of life, so do all you can to not take that away from me. This world would not be the same without you in it. This world can be cruel and unkind but it can also be the most beautiful amazing experience you have ever had.

Please know that even when you think you are too deep to see the sun from the place you have fallen, that it is there, waiting for you to raise your chin up and see the light in all it’s natural glory. The sun will shine upon your face just as the shadow will fall behind you.

Please know that together we can do anything your heart desires, because I believe in you, because I know you.

Please know that you ARE love. You are the source of love and the reason for my love.

Please know I will not let you go unprepared to face the world, I will always be here no matter where you walk, no matter when you fall. I will be there when you pick yourself up and I will help brush you off and we will walk again towards the sun.

Please know that my heart aches for you, I have been you, and seen the things you see, felt the pains your heart feels and have overcome them just as you will.

Please know that just as the sun sets, the moon rises, as the rain falls, the flowers grow…

Please know…

now go clean your room~

Mom xo

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Raising a Teenager…

First things first, Mom and Dad, I love and appreciate everything you ever did for me growing up! You Rocked as parents! I loved hanging out with you. Our house always felt safe. Having kids of my own entering their teens I understand how important it is for them to feel like they have a place where they can be themselves. I love being the house where kids gather and hang out.

Teenagers are naturally programmed to push the boundaries to get their own independence. One day parents are hilarious and the next day our behavior is embarrassing and frowned upon. That’s a hard transition to make as a parent. Words out of the mouths of babes are cute, out of the mouths of teenagers can sometimes sting.

Surging hormones, cry-laugh-bitch all within 3 minutes of each other sums up the unpredictable life of a teen. Remember how up and down your emotions were during puberty? My only hope is that I don’t go through peri-menopause at the same time my daughter goes through puberty or she’ll be going to the moon with Alice!

I was a great kid growing up, until my Mom wouldn’t let my older boyfriend (wild bill) who had a beard, study in my room with the door closed. Okay I find humour in that now, was it really that obvious! What-EVER! She turned into the opposition that day but fortunately it only lasted a short time, at least that’s my recollection. My Mom just let me ride the hormone wave until I was done while she maintained her loving support with my Dad at her side incase she needed the big guns for back-up. (she did, it worked) Thanks Mom! I learned a thing or two about respect in a very short time. (ya never call your Mom the B-word…doesn’t turn out in your favour…ever!)

When you’re a teen you can’t imagine your parents doing anything remotely close to sex so you assume you can pull the wool over their eyes! If your reading this Jordan, if your boyfriend has a beard, he won’t even be entering the front door let alone your pig sty you call a room! Fortunately for me my Mom was smart, understanding and stood her ground keeping me headed in the right direction. I can now appreciate how hard it was for her to deal with a girl-tween.

I have a 13 year old son who is way too charming and handsome for his own good and a 10 going on 16 year old girl who is starting to strike fear into us with how beautiful she is inside and out. Thank god she has a hilarious sense of humour! Her brother is going to have his work cut out for him in high school. The fun has just begun! I’m definitely up for the challenge and also have a great support system in place. Hugely important!

I liked my parents so I spent lots of time with them. They were cool parents that were always there for me no matter what. My Mom was generous, loving and very open and my Dad was encouraging and hilarious so were laughing all the time. We still do. I was never able to lie to my Mom, maybe because I didn’t need to. She was completely tuned into what I was up, and still is. She can tell by the sound of my voice what’s going on in my life. Honestly I always feel better after hearing her advice. I don’t always take it but I still like to hear it.

I recently had ‘the’ talk with my son on the way to a party about being aware and safe. I had the same talk my Dad had with me. He simply told me I was his only daughter who he loved and trusted and couldn’t imagine life without me. He always wanted me to be safe. I told my son how important it is to always have a clear mind. It’s when your mind is clouded that things can go terribly wrong. Teaching your kids to make conscious smart choices is so important, to be a leader not a follower. Its tough raising kids when they’re little but nothing prepares you for when they start to spread their wings to fly on their own, bitter sweet for sure. Telling your kids that you trust them right before they go out is like buying insurance, no kid really wants to disappoint their parents. Say it even if you don’t! 🙂 All kids make mistakes, the key is to be there for them when they do and support them, don’t say I told you so!

Kids need their parents when they are little to survive, but I think when they start to naturally push us away is when they need us more, even if it’s sitting together in silence. Just knowing your there if they reach out is sometimes all they need.

 

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Mommy’s Little Boy ~

Every time I tune into the Olympics and watch the athletes compete, not just the Canadian ones, any of them, I feel so proud and get teary eyed because I can’t help but look at them as a Mother. Overnight my son has grown up, I am literally starting to freak out just thinking about it! I find myself starring at him for long periods of time dumbfounded. Yes, it’s a part of life but I am having a real hard time with it right now. He’s on the way to becoming a young man.

Jess and I have always been really close, he tells me almost everything, I hope that never changes. There is something unique and special about your first born. Mine was a 10 lb 3 oz baby sumo served C-section style with big brown eyes and Sean Connery eye brows! He’s polite, respectful and has a spontaneous infectious nature! Jess is not just a handsome face, he made the ‘A’ honour roll at school this year, and he’s a natural athlete and has a great sense of humour. I often ask myself how I got to be so lucky for him to pick me to be his Mom! Good Karma?

I have noticed lately that his voice is starting to get deeper and has grown so fast in the last couple of months it’s like I can see him morphing right before my eyes. Maybe it’s got something to do with getting his long curly locks cut really short which instantly added about 2 years. Regardless, time is slipping away and I can’t seem to grab onto it to slow it down, believe me I’m trying!

He was sitting on my knee the other night and it almost, I stress almost, felt silly but I will continue to do it until he refuses regardless of how much it hurts my knee’s and lap! I’m hanging on for dear life here. My second cousin Casey recently lost his life at 28, a solid reminder to parents to stare, listen and stop what you are doing even for just a moment to grab as much love from your kids as they will give.

Life is so precious and kids are the visual measuring stick of how fleeting our time with them really is. I appreciate every single smile, hug and kiss I can get. Jess can melt my heart with a simple look back at me when he is walking away. I know there are so many parents out there that can totally relate.

Bonnie and Jacquie have helped make me aware of how fast our kids grow up with having older offspring, which I am grateful for. I am not sure there is any preparation for your little boy growing up though, I guess honesty is the best way to explain my strange behavior to him.

Little boys wake up one day and they have an adult sense of humor, leg hair and start to eat you out of house and home. It’s crazy when you get to the stage of looking at your little boy and you can see exactly what he is going to look like as a young man! I have been prepped for years for this with James, Bonnie’s son but it’s still hard.

No regrets here, but I would like to stop time every now and then to just breathe and take in the moment a little longer!  ~Love You Forever Jess~

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