Happy Halloween ~ Jib Jab!

Every 'other' girl at the party...

...and then there is me...no NOT the Paper-bag Princess...I'm the Unknown Cougar (like the Unknown Comic?) Anyone get it?

Happy Halloween! I am NOT a big fan of Halloween. It could be that I’ve had my fair share of treats over the years and when I see them in the grocery store it just makes me go Ugh! Halloween for me = zits and a tight waste band! It’s just way too easy to polish off an entire box of 100 six weeks before you actually need them. Note to self: DO NOT BUY HALLOWEEN TREATS BEFORE OCTOBER 31st @ 6PM!!! (If the store is out…consider yourself lucky!)

I don’t like the dressing up part of AT ALL! I appeased my daughter who LOVES Halloween by buying a Vampire Cape, it was either that or a sexy_______ fill in the blank. I know…false hope, I won’t wear it unless I make it funny somehow. Fat chance of that happening with such short notice. I was thinking I’d like to pull a “Modern Family” scare the crap out of the little kids in our neighborhood since I’m moving, but they’re always so damn cute I don’t think I could do it. It would be like pulling the trigger on Bambi 😉

Every Halloween memories come rushing back that remind me why I am not a fan…Pregnant Princess, Halloween’68 is the year I knew I was odd and my dreams were crushed. All the neighbors asked what I was, like it wasn’t obvious? They looked at me with question about my unusual combination, whats not to get about a Pregnant Princess? Made perfect sense to me!

It could have been Mr Milner Halloween ’71, countering our “trick or treat” with “TRICK” when we knocked at his door! Trick? Wt? Just give out the damn candy! We weren’t a circus act we just wanted a 2-cent chocolate! Two years of that and his house was nixed! We should have told him there were houses that gave out cans of pop and full size chocolate bars that didn’t make us work for it! Trick? Really? I was really shy when I was little so that put me over the edge each year! No wonder I don’t like auditions! I wonder what kids would say now if you said TRICK? I don’t think they’d even get it! They would stand in a group looking at each other confused until one of them whispered “What did she just say?” another would say under his breath “I’m not sure?” Then the smart-ass in the group would talk really loud like I was hard of hearing and say “SHE S-A-Y-S WE LOOK REALLY T-r-i-c-k…thanks Ma’am now give us the damn candy!”

It might have been ‘Mark VanOord’ Halloween’79 the year my school girl crush finally kissed me. The kiss I daydreamed about for years and when I finally got it, much to my dismay I dressed up as a clown that year…a 16 year old clown!

Maybe it was Stargate Halloween’96 when I dressed up as a crappy kick-boxer, head-gear (really attractive) chest pad (flattering) and mouth guard (nice) with bruises all over my face and every other female in the room was in full Renaissance attire, wigs and parasols.

I was always the girl who showed up in a funny costume not a sexy one. (its possible or likely I am in denial now but that’s my story and I’m stickin to it) I did however dress up last year as a ‘cougar’ and thought that was funny…kinda sexy, Bonnie said I just looked cheap! LMAO!

Be safe trick or treating tonight! I can’t resist Jib Jab! So here it is, from me to you! I apologize in advance to my kids and Bonnie’s kid for using them for my own entertainment purposes! Chances are they won’t even see it until it’s too late so what the hell!

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Ellen ‘was’ on The Bachelor

Hi Everyone!

I have to admit I watched (notice past-tense) the Bachelor…ya I know, I say that sheepishly. It was reallllly about sitting on the couch with Carri sipping tea and eating cheese cake or some other fattening decadent desert. It is our excuse to get a girlfriends giggle on with each other. We sit and catch up from our weekend and gab for a couple of hours about life and love…mostly love but life comes in now and then. Carri is the funniest person to watch anything with, we laugh until we are both crying every single time we get together! I find her sense of humour hilarious! ….and then I got a real-job that scheduled me Monday nights…”WTF” we both said out loud when we saw my schedule! I had to give up Monday nights which kinda pissed me off at first, but life and real jobs have a way of doing that…I found this video which made me laugh because when Carri and I watch the Bachelor we narrate the entire show and basically make fun of the entire process…as does Ellen in this clip…enjoy!

This pretty much sums up the show! Oh and he ‘picked’ Courtney…and then in Bachelor tradition dumped to her pick her again! I didn’t watch but just read a recap of the show…I’m sure they will live happily every after…or at least have a Happy Ending and then join us all back in reality…not even I can weave a romantic tale here I am afraid.

Happy Tuesday thought! lol

Hope you all laughed…I did 😉

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Do You Have A Filter?

I have a girlfriend who doesn’t have a filter and constantly gets chastised for it. She just says it how it is, and I guess some people just aren’t comfortable with her honesty. Do you ever wonder what a day with your friends would be like, if we all had to remove our filters? I know for certain I would be rolling with laughter all day long. The Movie The Invention of Lying is basically what it would be like if we did remove our filters. Ricky Gervais and Jennifer Garner are hilarious together! I laugh at just the thought of my thoughts becoming words at times!

I love when people have the courage to speak their minds. Not many people do anymore. I think my girlfriend is hysterically funny, she makes me laugh in a away that is always unexpected. The kind of laugh that makes you spit your drink out of your mouth or snot shoots out your nose. I have on several occasions almost pee’d my pants while in her company because of the stuff she says out loud! She also doesn’t have an inside voice so when I say out loud I mean out LOUD! That’s what cracks me up so much about what she says, its like no one ever told her as a child that sound travels! I think she actually has a filter she’s just misplaced it, or chooses not to use it around cerain people. I find humour in that.

It’s hard to deprogram leaned behaviour, which is sometimes a good thing but not always! Don’t you wish you could just be brutally honest with some people who catch you off guard! I’d like to just let it fly sometimes just to see what people would do. Think before you speak is becoming wayyyy to common and ordinary blah blah blah. We need those who don’t think before they blurt out the obvious. They are like adding colour to a black and white photographed society. That’s why their type is calledColourful. Don’t get me wrong, we need to know when to keep our pie holes mouths shut too. If we could express ourselves without causing too many waves or hurting feelings it would be a perfect balance. Nobody wants to cause a Tsunami everywhere they go but a nice healthy 20 footer every now and then to keep everyone on their toes would be fun!

Here is an example of perhaps going too far!

If we did have a day that required us to tell the truth would you stay home or bust out the door and enjoy your day? Would telling the truth inspire change? I dare ya to remove your filter and see what happens!

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Funny Super Bowl Ads

Ok.  Time for some funny!

It’s Super Bowl Sunday tomorrow and although I am not a football fan (what do all those lines on the field even mean?) I plan to watch the game.  For the half time show and for the ads.  I love Super Bowl Ads.  The funny ones anyway.  I’m not interested in the politically charged pro-life commercial that apparently will air during the game tomorrow.  What the…!  Super Bowl Sunday ads have always been about the funny and that’s the way it should stay!

Here is a collection of previous ads that tickled my funny bone.  Grab some nachos and wings and enjoy!

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Funny Thing About Ageing

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Bonnie Johnson's Post

Ageing is a funny thing isn’t it;  funny-ha ha occasionally but lately more funny-hmmm to me.  I’ve been looking back at how some things were so important to me when I was younger and how, after adding some years to them, they just don’t seem so crucial anymore.  Is it that I’ve grown wiser or have my convictions just worn down a little?

Take kids for example.  When my son was small I fussed about keeping him clean, properly rested, well fed, and generally on a strict routine.  I spent a lot of energy seeing to things that I felt were imperative.  And there is nothing wrong with that, but now that I’m older I think I’d go about it differently.  If I had a do-over day, I’d probably play outside with him longer and let him get right into the biggest mud puddles.

I’ve noticed that I’m not as critical as I once was.  I guess I have more understanding now that I have more life experience under my belt.  I’ve noticed annoyances that used to irk me in years past easily roll off my back now.  I’m mellowing.

Except for the fact that I have to put waaay more effort into maintaining my physical body which is intent on growing outward and downward and that random hair (sometimes usually gray) sprouts in random places and that my eyes don’t work well anymore (could be a good thing), yes despite all of that, I like this ageing thing.

I joke a lot that I wish I was 10 or 20 years younger, but the truth is I wouldn’t go back.  I like moving forward and I like developing into my better and better self.  It would be a whole different story if I felt like I was in a rut and hadn’t developed into a better person along the way.  If that were the case I’d probably feel cranky and bitter.  Hey, that may explain those old cranky bitter people!

I’ve also really enjoyed watching my good friends “of the same era” grow into more confident and self-assured people.  This all makes me smile and definitely takes the sting out of some of the negative side effects of ageing.

I guess my convictions haven’t really worn down but have simply changed.  I still feel passionate although not necessarily for the same things I did when I was 20.  And that’s a good thing because if I was still that girl, although I’d look great in a bikini, I wouldn’t know it.  I’d still be scared and unsure of myself.

So here’s to getting older!  It’s a funny thing.

Bonnie

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What I find funny

Yesterday I was reading the latest post I had written to ‘a really good friend of mine’ and he said to me “you need to write something funny'”  If  you know me, I am all about the funny, the laugh out loud, the guffaw!!  It is the number one quality I look for in a man.  Without laughter in my life I think I would seriously think of shooting myself.

I think,  in general, people have a hard time taking me seriously because of my quirky sense of humor and I almost always have a ridiculously large smile on my face.

Here are a few things I find funny.  ‘Why We Suck’ by Denis Leary. Now that’s funny !Denis Leary

This book is  “Part memoir, part self help tome but definitely a full-time funny assault on all the posers, politicians and pop culture icons who have sucked in public for far too long, this book is a call to arms for everyone who feels the way the good doctor does:  Skinny jeans are for skinny people.  Men will never change.  Not even into clean underwear”.

Denis warns you right from the get go that if you are a woman , you will soon be livid.  If you are a man, you are going to be filled with a burning rage.  This book is a parody, satire and simply pokes fun at a variety of different topic.

I love men who can confidently stand up and say exactly how they feel with no filter whatsoever!  That is freedom of speech!  I also love ‘Rescue Me’ the television series where Leary is co-creator, co-writer, producer as well as being the lead.  It’s brilliantly written.  You never really know what to expect. You can be laughing at the content one minute and crying the next.

If you’re not in the mood for a book then I recommend the movie “Burn after reading” with Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Frances McDormand.  Brad’s character is an 80’s personal trainer from a local gym.  I am an 80’s girl Brad Pittso it was a great flashback.  He’s not the gorgeous Brad Pitt we’re used to,  but as I said before, humor is the number one quality I look for in a man.  I laughed out loud in this movie.  I was glad it was a rental  so I could keep rewinding it and, seriously, I couldn’t stop laughing for days! You have to check it out !

So, although I don’t feel like writing anything funny at this particular moment in time,   I do have a gut laugh out loud almost everyday.  I think one of the most important things in life is that you’re able to laugh at yourself, not take anything too seriously, and remember this too will pass.  I have decided to just go with the flow and be true to my voice; what ever I am feeling is what you’ll be reading.

George & Brad

I know this picture isn’t funny, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do… ; )

Tracy

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