Who Chooses Who?


Did you chose or chase your partner? Do you think that the woman ultimately decides if a relationship is going to go any further? Men generally pursue women but not always. Some women know exactly what they want and go for it. Just like cats if you run away the game is on. Sometimes it’s just about the chase. Playing hard to get can intrigues the opposite sex but everyone has their limit to how much time or energy they will put into a chase. I’ve always thought getting someone was the easy part, it’s keeping them that challenges who we are.

Do men stay in a relationship when they know it’s not a ‘meet my mother’ kind of union just for the sex? Do women string men along while they wait for ‘Mr Pretty Damn Close to Perfect’ to walk through their door? I believe both sexes are guilty of misleading the other from time to time. Honest is always the best policy!

When you introduce someone to your friends and family you validate the relationship. You deem them worthy of joining your circle. There is nothing wrong with waiting to introduce your new guy or gal to your friends and family just to be sure. Keeping your status to yourself is probably a not a bad idea until you really know who you’re dating. We all know it takes awhile for some peoples ‘true colors to show.

It becomes pretty obvious when a relationship isn’t going further than a surface text-a-tion-ship which I’ve posted about before. It’s getting harder to differentiate the sincere from those who are just playing a game. Nobody keeps their word anymore. More often than not men and women just say what they think the opposite sex wants to hear. Stringing someone along has become second nature. Selfish behavior is rampant in the world of relationships…“what have you done for me lately” is a common attitude. Words have become diluted, faded and no longer said with meaning. Romance is becoming extinct. I do believe there’s a lots of great people out there you just have to be patient. It’s hard to find someone who hasn’t had their spirit broken when it comes to love, trust and honesty.

What women use to attract the male energy is the key to what they get. If they are simply using their sex appeal, they get a man who wants them for just that…sex. The signal or message sent out is read correctly and then women wonder why it didn’t amount to anything but a friend with benefits which is something I’ve yet to grasp. Act like a booty call and be happy with being his booty call. Pretty basic. Not that there is anything wrong with being a booty call as long as you have no expectation of ‘it’ becoming anything but a booty call. You just need to be honest with yourself about what you want.

Women sometimes allow their ego to get in the way and cloud their judgment taking the easy route by using what works, sexual manipulation. It doesn’t get you very far in the end. Being in touch with your sexuality is a great part of being human but balance is important if you want a relationship to develop into something other than a once a week romp in the hay! Chemistry is one thing but shouldn’t be confused with sexual energy which usually just leads to empty sex. For men sex is physical, for women it’s more emotional…most of the time. Not that there is anything wrong with empty sex if that’s what both parties involved are okay with. That’s where honesty is crucial.

Being able to identify when he’s just not that into you is easy if you ignore what he says and watch what he does, actions speak louder than words. Pretty simple if you actually listen to your instincts.

So when you are ready to choose or chase make sure you know exactly what you want and then take it slow. One thing I do know for sure is that if someone treats you like an option, don’t make them your priority their not worth it.

Regardless of who chooses who if the right person enters into your circle and the timing is right, you will be meeting the family…be careful what you wish for.

 

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Is Fidelity Obsolete?

I was reading Women’s Health and came across an article by Meghan Rabbitt questioning whether fidelity is becoming obsolete. I cracked up at the picture that was attached to it of a bride standing alone on her wedding cake, on her phone, groom hanging from a helicopter trying desperately to get away…it read “To have and hold from this day forward…or until someone hotter comes along.”

Everyone has the right to change their minds I suppose, and better before you tie the knot than after, when it just keeps getting more complicated as time goes by. What’s not so funny is the stats about cheating.

40% of people who do cheat do so with a friend.

35% cheated with a co-worker.

23% of men cheated with someone they met in a bar. Alcohol and or drugs have always been an excuse for why men and women loses their inhibitions and acts inappropriately while under the influence. I’ve always believed those who use alcohol or drugs as their excuse had it in them before their lips even touched the glass or reefer. When the effects wear off, they sober up and need to blame something for their actions, because they weren’t honest with themselves to begin with. I say do what you want without the drug of choice and take precautions. Just be honest about what you’re doing! Don’t sugar coat it and keep it real!

22% of women cheated with an ex-boyfriend. I understand why this would appeal to some, familiarity and comfort of knowing this person. But I personally am not a big fan of friends with benefits, so for me when its over, its over.

I think cheating is the way out in most cases, not always a mistake though. You wouldn’t be even considering cheating if you were happy in your marriage or relationship in the first place. And if your not happy why not move forward to find happiness! Most men and women don’t move forward because of fear. They don’t want to gamble and be alone, or take the chance of not meeting someone who is better suited to them than the previous one. Does that really matter if you’re not happy in the first place. At least if your alone you are doing what you like and not compromising who you are for someone you’re not 100% happy with. Being a romantic I wouldn’t want to compromise this part of my existence.

I understand that for most men and women it’s not as easy as it sounds, because of children, property, commitments and vows but ultimately we all want to be happy and if you’re not, change and compromise can be made to get you in the right direction. Infidelity is not the answer. I don’t agree with staying together unless you’re still passionate with your partner. Having said that not everyone needs passion or love to make their world go round! Love and passion need to be present for me to want to continue a relationship. If love and passion are not reciprocated then there is no point in continuing down a path of mediocrity. I understand passion gets lost in our day to day lives but there needs to be a spark that both are willing to work at igniting together for love and passion to not get lost. If somewhere down the road the flame goes out, move forward and remain friends so you avoid infidelity and avoid being a statistic. Be true to yourself.

Did you know that the average ‘romp’ lasts 3 to 7 minutes, yet both male and female desire 13 minutes. If we can’t put at most 13 minutes away for our partner, no wonder the stats I quoted earlier are so high! You can also look at this stat as, if you are really just looking for a 7 minute romp, is it really worth ending what you do have with your spouse for that, probably not.

Here are a few tips I found online to help prevent yourself from becoming part of a growing statistic ~

1. Be each other’s number one confidant. You shouldn’t be sharing private thoughts with others that you’re not sharing with your mate.
2. Make time to connect on a regular basis. Daily moments of connection help you build a sense of togetherness and shared purpose.
3. Don’t let family time squeeze out just-the-two-of-you time. Relationships that are too child-centered are at high risk for an affair.
4. Recognize when you’re temporarily attracted to someone else. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your relationship — or that you have to act on it.
5. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and your relationship. If you’re ever tempted and don’t feel like you can tell your mate, you’ll have someone else to confide in who will steer you straight. And if one of you does stray, you’ll have a strong support network to help you put your relationship back together.

Every relationship is unique and needs work, I know mine is very unorthodox but it works. I have been able to move on and keep my best friend without having become a statistic because of honesty and hard work on both sides. My advice to not becoming a statistic is be honest no matter how hard it can sometimes be, have good intention, stay in the room and lose your ego. Don’t sweat the small stuff and accept your partner’s flaws and they will accept yours. If you can do that you will ‘at least’ have a best friend in what was your partner or spouse!

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Cheating…

Cheating

I’ve been wondering lately, not for any specific reason, why more women are  entertaining the thought of having  a fling or affair of the heart.  I have a wide circle of friends and this topic eventually comes around the room at some point. (No, it‘s not YOUR wife who has mentioned it!)  Women are sharing their stories more openly to one another of opportunities presented to them to cheat on their significant other.

Is it that we are being more truthful with one another or has this always been there but we haven’t dared talk about it so openly?  Is it becoming more acceptable because we are desensitized by what we see on a regular basis in the real world?  Or maybe it’s just an age thing?  As we get older are we starting to think about how much time we have left to really enjoy our bodies.

Are we aware of the younger generation and how relaxed they are about their sexuality?  Does this make us envy their carefree attitude?  Has sex become something of a extracurricular activity that doesn’t mean what it used to.  Sharing yourself with someone used to be a big deal, but again maybe it’s just an age thing.  Some couples waited until marriage to share themselves with their spouse, they were called Virgins.  (insert cheeky grin here) I think some still do?  I know women who have married their first sexual partner.  And some who weren’t even close. Which makes me wonder if it’s realistic today to marry your first sexual partner.  Does that alone peak your curiosity about other men or women?  How could it NOT.  I will file that topic for another post.

Today there is ‘friends with benefits and less pressure to be in a monogamous relationship.  What’s happening to us ?  Are we starting to think it is unrealistic to be with the same person for the rest of our lives?  Ya think? (that’s just my opinion)

Marriages end in divorce more than ever before.  Sometimes because of that fling or affair of the heart.  It’s not normal to have sexual chemistry with someone for 20 years.  Or is it?  I have yet to meet a couple who does.  Leave a comment if you still have sexual chemistry with your spouse and how you keep it.  But be HONEST!

What I have gathered in my research is that women cheat for many reasons and each situation is unique but the main reason  is because of how the ‘other’ man makes them feel.  It’s not generally for money or status.  It’s pretty basic, ‘he makes me feel like I used to.  It’s the little things our partner does for us that make us feel good when we first meet.  That is perhaps what we are missing that leads us down the path of self gratification.  The initial sexual chemistry fades but a deeper love becomes present in most long term relationship that is more satisfying than a meaningless sexual encounter.  (for most)

So men …if you can make your woman feel like she used to then perhaps her thoughts of cheating will stay just that…a thought.  And women,  if we treated our men as we do the ones we just met, perhaps we would hold onto that chemistry we are all searching for.  Or not…lol  Comments are always welcome! Tracy

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‘Friends with Benefits’

Tracy

When I first started writing this post I had a humorous view but when I weighed my options of making a point that I feel is very important and finding humour in almost anything, my humorous view almost flew out the window and the real me came forward.  I think I can do both, find humour and make a point.   Let’s see.  We have all heard the term ‘friends with benefits’.  It’s basically having hopefully great sex with no strings attached.  In my day, I remember that being called a one night stand or a booty call.  There was a reason for feeling bad after having one but I can’t remember why now…the age thing and memory starts to fade when you hit 40!  But with teens now it doesn’t  just happen one night or time, it lasts as long as they want it to.  But who ends it, why and when?  That’s where the emotions come in and I think where things go awry.

Am I right?  Correct me if I am wrong girls or guys out there.  My girlfriends son told her it is quite normal for teens to have ‘friends with benefits’ and they don’t get looked down upon.  Sign me up I guess if both parties are consenting and are having safe sex it’s their decision to make.  Would I want a friend with benefits?  Would you?  We all have the opportunity, it’s whether we take it or not.  I am struggling with this right now and don’t know if it’s my conditioning or a generation gap.  Part of me say’s well “Whyy nott” but the other part of me says “it’s not good for the soul”.  To not know where you stand with someone is hard enough when there is no sex involved.  Emotions and chemistry is what give sex such passion.  The moral side of me says ‘Live by example’ and the fun side not so moral side says ‘live with no regrets’. Stay with me here I am working through this as I write.

What I think bothers me about this the most is that it is happening younger and younger and some teens are not mature enough to make this decision on their own. They are afraid of being judged by their own peer groups.  It’s much like bullying in the way that when boys are rough with one another, it is possible that one of them doesn’t really want to participate but is forced to out of pressure of not wanting to appear weak.

Friends with Benefits sounds to me like a decision that is made without the thought process that should take place when deciding to give a sacred part of yourself to someone who doesn’t really care if it’s you or not.  I am a confident strong woman but I didn’t get this way from making poor moral decisions in my life.  (Bonnie stay out of it ! ha)  I think it is up to us as parents to do everything we can to make sure our sons understand the self-esteem issues young woman get when their self worth is questioned.  It’s also our responsibility to make sure our daughters have confidence and respect for themselves, as well as from the opposite sex.  I am not sure I could have a friend with benefits unless of course  Gabriel Aubry walked through my bedroom door, then I would be naked in an embarrassing nanosecond.  Humour is important in life and helps lighten certain topics of conversations, but morals and values are the basis of your character.   Teach your kids first as a parent.  Live your life as a soul enriching your existence.  Live by example.  Try to make good decisions and learn by questionable ones.  And always remember it’s about assessing blame. (joking)  So I think I like my friends just the way they are!

Tracy

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