Intimacy ~

Each month we take turns creating a new header with a word of choice. I chose Intimacy this month so today I will write about just that!

I met a man recently who has challenged me in more ways than one. I couldn’t help but be drawn to him because of the way he intrigued me with his intellect. Yes…he is handsome! Having said that, it was NOT what initially attracted me to him at all! Our conversations were filled with sarcastic banter that grabbed me by the hand and wouldn’t let go no matter how hard I tried to pull away! Oh how I love the energy of sarcastic banter! It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end!

In one of our great debates we took on the topic of intimacy, seeking intimacy! What would you describe intimacy to be? I always related the word intimacy to that moment shared between two during sex? Intimate sex…who doesn’t want that! I have to admit I was taken back that this man was interested in talking about intimacy, let alone seeking it himself! I love the male perspective on everything!

Yes you can have intimate sex but until you have experienced true intimacy with your partner it’s simply empty sex, the kind that leaves you feeling satisfied sexually but unsatisfied emotionally even though you had an O!

True intimacy is when two can share moments, even hours together just holding hands and touching one another without the complication of sex. You learn what really matters to each other when you share intimacy. No one has patience anymore, it’s a virtue that’s lost. It seems that everyone just wants to jump right in to bed and hope for the best and unfortunately it usually end awkwardly and prematurely (no pun intended) because no one has the desire to take it slow to find the intimate side of their partner.

Intimacy naturally appears when your ready to explore the possibilities of love in a relationship. Couples often don’t take the time that’s needed in order to experience true intimacy. Our lives are full with no room for quiet moments, that if taken would change the way we think. Intimacy can be scary. Just the thought of opening your heart and feeling vulnerable is not worth the risk for most.

Would you fall in love if you knew that it would end with a broken heart? Silly question? I don’t think so. If you answered yes then I believe you have experienced true intimate love and know it’s worth the risk. If you answered no, perhaps you have yet to feel intimate love in it’s purest form, which can include pain, but still worth the risk of a broken heart! Intimate love is possible, it’s out there, waiting for us to take a chance and open our hearts to explore the possibilities!

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Drive Through Dilemma ~

I have noticed lately that I am becoming a drive through human being. It’s the last thing I need in my life, trust me. I barely get out of the house as it is being obsessed with writing. I used to stand outside my kids school at drop off and pick up but as you know if you’re a parent, that soon becomes unwanted by their growing independence and our growing un-coolness. I now sit in a line up waiting for them to come out. It’s becoming a pattern I am not really a fan of.

My drive through list is growing, it’s convenient to get coffee and do banking but I wonder whats next? Do we really not have time to get out of our vehicles or house to get what we need? Has time become that valuable that we are willing to give up human interaction to add a few extra moments to our day? Not to mention pounds on our booty! I do get out when I meet up with girlfriends, run or make time for someone special but that’s about it! We rent movies from the comfort of our own home, grab a burger on the fly, get cash, meet a cop, accept deliveries from the ‘Ups’ man, all without leaving our vehicle or home. Is getting out becoming a bother? I fear becoming more of a hermit than I already am, is it just me or does anyone else feel this way?

Even flirting 🙂 has become drive through. I was in the school line up when this big handsome dude started to talk to me from his car window. We drive past one another throughout our day and we found ourselves in grid-lock facing each other. The conversation was funny, it was like a drive through get to know each other! It made me laugh afterwards when I thought of him asking me if I were married from the comfort of his own vehicle! It was a great flirt but in person standing next to each other would have been so much better.

Whats happened to the days where human being gathered to socialize? Our circle is directly related to our kids sports or rushing from one location to the next! No one lolly-gags anymore, there is no time set aside for it. I think we need more social meeting places for those who just want to have great conversation, in person.

Whats next?…“I’ll have a tall double double, pastrami & swiss, 20 bucks, a litre of 2%, two kids who get along, a big handsome dude, and an orgasm to go please! Not necessarily in that order! And make it quick I have to go for a drive with the dog!”

I’m just saying…

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Texting & Text-ation-ships!

Texting can be exciting, the anticipation is stimulating and it can have sexual undertones that keep us hanging on for more. But if you never progress past the text, in all honesty I think it’s for those who just want to keep their options open. Its like wearing a mask or hiding behind a facade of who you really are.

Lets face it texting can be useful when we need to send a message that doesn’t require a long conversation, ask a quick question, send a funny message to a girlfriend, communicate when talking isn’t possible or the occasional flirt! I have to admit I have been caught up in texting on a few occasions with someone of the opposite sex, but to be honest, lose interest in it pretty quick if nothing materializes or it becomes the main source of how you communicate. I love words and think communication is a lost art, it would be like having to edit this post down to 4 lines, it wouldn’t say what I wanted it to in the end. Some might prefer that when I think about it. Texting leaves too much room for interpretation in my opinion, and it’s easily taken the wrong way.

The younger generation uses texting as their main way to communicate which I just don’t get. What I have a problem with is when texting takes the place of a personal conversation with the opposite sex. Texting is nothing like real life. We are missing out on the key ingredients of human interaction; eye contact, pheromones, body language, touching and everything else that goes along with interacting with another human being. It might initially give us courage to say something we might not have otherwise, but what happens when we are finally standing in front of the person we are interested in and we’re used to thinking about our response for a couple of minutes before pressing send? Then what? Or we can say too much and that can lead to an embarrassing encounter later on. It’s not a natural conversation, not to mention texting makes us sound uneducated. “Ur funny!” I can’t say that without sounding like a hillbilly!

I’ve been caught up in the texting thrill, the sparing of words back and forth and admit it was enticing, but it can also feel shallow. It might get the ball rolling, but I like seeing someone think on their feet when I ask something they don’t expect. Spontaneity is the best! I need to see someones eyes when I am speaking to them!

I have a girlfriend whose son has been texting for many years and he said that he likes the pause between texting because he can think about what he wants to say before sending it. Or he can just ignore the text if he doesn’t feel like the conversation…my phone died, broke, left it in my locker/at work/at home/in the car…what text? Do you see where the problem starts to form. You don’t know if and when the person you are sending a message to gets it? It leaves your conversation either unanswered or lost in cyberspace somewhere. So my conclusion, if it’s important face to face is best, if you don’t care when you get a response, text. Talking in person is hand delivering your message and it just doesn’t get any better than that! It’s honest and real.

I think the reason you choose to have a text-ation-ship with someone is because you’re either intimidated, insecure, nervous, lack confidence or you’re really just not that interested in spending real time with them, so you stay afloat in a text-ation-ship until someone worthy of your time crosses your path.

Texting should be thought of as a simple form of communication that has a time and place in our daily lives.

Happy Texting! Don’t text and drive!

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Are You Getting ‘Enough?’

TIf you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with. Really?  Why not just leave the one your with, to be with the one you love.  Whether or not you know who that person is, doesn’t it make sense to move forward and at least see if that person exists?  Are you getting ‘enough’ out of life if your not living truthfully.

I have been joking lately on Facebook how I have a “I like married men” magnet hidden somewhere on my person that I can’t find to remove, I am going to drag myself across the demagnetizer at the local electronic store to see if I can deactivate it.  I attract married men and I am starting to wonder if there is a reason I am unaware of.   Is it because I am putting out a  ‘I’m single’ pheromone.  Or is it that I am sending out a energy that I don’t want to be committed…yet.  I admit married men are great to flirt with because it feels safe, it can’t go any further than the flirt.  So maybe it is me and not them.

Here is what I came up with in my search on the Internet.  Recently single women have an energy,  zest for life and confidence to go after their dreams, married men admire what you have and they want a hit of your high energy.

Energetically you feel like you are on shaky ground and so you may be insecure even though a huge good transition is just around the corner in your life.

The combination of the vulnerability and your future potential success and strength is what these married guys are attracted to.  They are not happy in their own lives and so they want to have a fantasy experience with someone who does not have all the complications and responsibilities they are saddled with.  While this is selfish thinking and some of these men may just be players there are some who really are just unhappy and not able or willing to make the changes they need to in their lives.  It takes a huge amount of courage to make lasting change.  They then look for ways to alleviate their anger, frustration and boredom and ladies you come along with your great energy and personal power and they want to just be in that energy even if it is only for a little while.

So what is wrong with the single guys then?  That is a great question!  While you have really strong personal power and great energy that they would love, the simple answer is that the single guys are intimidated.  They see that you have a plan and goals and focus on the future and they just don’t know how to handle this kind of woman.  Now this is not to say that all single guys are like that but you will find as you really raise your own energy signature the more difficult it is for men to relate to you. You may find less men to choose from but the the quality is better and THAT is what counts! Well that sounds promising doesn’t it !

Remember that who you attract into your life is more about what you are doing right than what you are doing wrong in many cases.  We draw certain people into our lives at various times because we have different lessons to learn. I have to agree with some of this but do also think there is more to it and each situation obviously has it’s own set of circumstances.

I think as we age we start to question who we are and if we are getting everything we can out of life.  We start to grow and unfold, feelings of being independent start to creep in, and with that comes a whole slew of new discoveries within ourselves.  We have been with the same some what predictable person for so long that we can’t help but look around for someone new to be intrigued by.  I don’t judge, never have, never will, but I do question both sides of this connection that could potentially be made.  What am I putting out there, and what are you looking to fill?  Are we getting enough?  Enough love, friendship, freedom, spontaneity, affection, SEX, variety, compliments, stimulating conversation, enough fulfillment in everything we do, that will bring us true happiness.  I think if we are being fulfilled within ourselves we will find true happiness.

So perhaps there is more to this than I thought.  I will continue down my path in life with no judgement and look for the lessons along the way. Tracy signiture

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Dating Etiquette

datingI’ve been thinking of dating and came across some tips online for those of us who have been out of it for awhile.  Scott and I have been giving each other pointers on what is acceptable and what might not be when you start to date someone ‘new’.  I use the term ‘new’ loosely because I visualize the person I want to date as being anything but ‘new’.  New is shiny and clean and something you don’t want to touch because you might leave finger prints.  I am thinking more along the lines of disheveled, (not dirty) someone who looks like they’ve had some life experience, needs a challenge, has been around the block before and knows all the good places for fun and adventure.

When Scott and I are hanging out which is pretty much all the time because we are best friends, we comment on what the other person has just done that might be frowned upon by someone else.  We all know that after being with someone for 17 odd years your comfort levels start to slide just a tad!  At some point we either ignore the obvious or we just don’t care anymore and have become accepting or relaxed about our partners habits or questionable behavior.  A few examples are flatulence, personal hygiene and wardrobe selection.  Guilty, guilty, guilty!

When you put yourself out there again for the first time isn’t it just better to start out the way you mean to end?  I think it’s going to be hard to adjust my attitude and become aware that my date isn’t going to ‘get me’ or understand me right off the bat.  It takes time to really get to know someone ‘new’ and there are tons of bumps in the road throughout that process.  History with someone has comfort.  But that magical feeling of not knowing what is swirling around in the mind of ‘new’ and what comes next is the flip side of the coin.  If you could keep some of the unknown in a relationship with history, well now you’ve got something !

Now, if we are talking about Scott, he has no filter and is who he is, so I am not sure he is even going to try to adjust any kind of attitude.  I am starting to get on board with his thinking, it might be the only way to go.  Take me or leave me, it makes no difference to me.  Now that might be misconstrued as an attitude of not caring when in fact it’s just being real.

Online Dating tips: (I’ve added my own comments at the end.)

1) Promptness ~ don’t leave your date waiting, nobody likes to wait for anyone, it’s rude!

2) Smoking ~  Don’t, if you don’t care if your here in 10 years why should anyone else?

3) Make an effort to be clean and smell good ~ Scott just read over my shoulder and gave me a pointer “Tracy you stink” it came with ‘the look’, you know the one, the ‘you stink’ look.  In my defense we just got back from a 10K run, point taken, I should go shower and then resume my writing.  Horry (that’s sorry in Spanish lol) take me or leave me, I’m writing and don’t like to be interrupted when I am on a roll. (Comfort level slide example)

4) Truth ~ flip side, if you don’t want to hear it, don’t ask.

5) Never pretend to be single when you’re not. ~ come on, who hasn’t played ‘pretend I’m single‘ just once?

Here are my Dating tips:Kissing Date

1) Show up with a good attitude ready for anything.

2) Be prepared for kissing, that means floss the steak out of your teeth from the night before, gargle,brush your tongue, there is nothing worse than bad breath!

3) Who cares if he is not ‘the one’ maybe he’s fun, so get that thought out of your pretty little head that your looking for a husband and you will be guaranteed a better time!

4) If you want to sleep with him, your choice! Be safe!  But be prepared NOT to meet his mom!

5) Have absolutely no expectations, enjoy him for who he is.  It might only last two weeks but it could be two of the best two weeks of your life, so expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed!

6) Flirt!  Otherwise known as a compliment (if you mean it) Enjoy the flirty sexual chemistry.   It rarely lasts!

7) Leave something for next time, or there won’t need to be one!

8) Be yourself!  And let him be himself!  The all time biggest mistake women make in my opinion is to try to change the man they start out with.

Dating should be a blast!  Who really cares if your not the perfect match.  Nobody is so stop trying to find perfect.  And if it doesn’t work out maybe you found a good friend, a Best friend even!  To hang out with your best friend at the end of the day, isn’t that what we are all looking for?  Just go with it  and have fun!Tracy

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Let’s Talk About Sex Baby! by Tracy

Do you remember that song?  “let’s talk about sex baby let’s talk about you and me“ I remember singing it while dancing with my girlfriends, back when it was sort of taboo to say ‘SEX’ out loud!  We were flirts and loved every moment of it!  We never meant anything by it we were just girls having fun!sexy-mag-cover

Sex sells!  It’s everywhere we go.  I am not talking about porn sex.  There is nothing sexy about watching porn to me.  I’d rather be doing it than watching someone else make that ridiculous face.

I am talking about sex appeal.  Admit it, you purchase some stuff because of sex and how it’s marketed.  Everyone wants to have sex appeal.  Some of us have just given up.  We don’t think we fit into the standard sex appeal image of having a certain body type, size or shape.  If you don’t think you have sex appeal you can definitely get it.  Changing your perception is a good start.

For instance I am writing this post completely naked, to see if I feel sexier than when I am in my uniform (yoga pants).  Ohhhh let me tell you I feel wayyyy sexier!  I just need the high heel slippers with the fluffy feathers on them! (soooo not me!!)  If your not comfortable naked then try putting on a sexy outfit or tune in to the show ‘How to Look Good Naked.‘  It’s a great example of when woman change their perception of themselves and eliminate bad habits of dressing down, with the end result being them comfortable in their own skin.Dove 'wendy'

One afternoon I was sitting on a deck with a girlfriend of mine, early evening, downtown.  As we sat there girls strutted by one after another.  It was hard not to notice.  Most of these girls were not the skinny model type.  These girls had curves and used them to their advantage.  Their hips swung and shoulders swayed with such confidence!  Everyone of them oozed sex appeal and knew it!  These girls had it go-in on!  I think it’s how you feel about yourself and what your wearing underneath.  If your wearing monster gonch you feel like your wearing monster gonch.  Slip on a black satin pair of panties with a matching bra and voila!  Sex appeal!  I just spent $160.00 on lingerie and was saving it for some reason.  Ya I know, for what?  I finally tore into the bag and started wearing them and instantly felt sexier.  It’s like you have a secret  when you wear pretty lingerie.  Your eyes don’t lie when you feel sexy.  Sultry Sophia Loren

Sophia Loren is famous for her sex appeal and sultry eyes.  And she was(IS I stand corrected) a curvaceous woman still at 74!

I went to a ‘passion party’  with a girlfriend one night, a first for me if you can believe it!  I can say honestly I have never laughed so hard before at what they had just sitting out on the table for everyone to touch!  At first glance I would have thought it was a table full of baby toys…until I got closer.  I picked up one item and when the voluptuous sales girl told me what it was for I actually dropped it and then almost pee-d my pants laughing with my friend.  Wait for it….“A WHAT PLUG? I exclaimed?”  I felt like a school girl laughing hysterically with my friend while the sales girl talked so candidly about how to use it !!!  My face went red at even the thought that this girl thought I WANTED the explanation!  She had done it a thousand times before so it was like she was selling Tupperware.  I couldn’t get past the fact that these women were all bonding and story telling of what they tried or had and what were their favorite items.  I felt at times like I was in a Twilight Zone Movie or I was being PUNKED.  I didn’t know what half the stuff was for!  My mouth dropped open more than once.  (for sure Bonnie will comment on this but don’t believe her!)  I thought it was extremely educational but it got creepy for me when they had cherry nipple cream/lip-balm for everyone to try in the bathroom.  I drew the line there. Most of the woman in the room made a purchase, yes I did too.  Peer pressure forced me to buy the ‘cherry chapstick’  which I threw out because it burnt my kisser!  Yikes that was a close one!  I purchased another item ‘behind closed doors’ and it will stay that way, but in hind sight I wish I had bucked up!  Elastic Boundaries ladies, just go with the flow!

to be continued….T

Tracy

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