Love is Forever…by Lawrence Thomas

“I have been inspired by the writings of Lawrence Thomas and wanted to share his truthful, passionate words with you.  He has touched my soul with this piece.  Understanding the male perspective, a gift for me truly.  I believe our paths were meant to cross.  Thank you for sharing a piece of yourself with us and giving us some insight into the male mind.  Many of us will no longer feel like ‘the only one’ and that is one of the reasons Bonnie, Jacquie and I created Tara Cronica.”  Tracy~

Love is Forever…by Lawrence Thomas

Lawrence ThomasSunday, July 6, 2008 at 6:23pm Splashing my freshly shaven face, I looked up into a faded mirror. Grasping the outer edges of the water basin, I stepped into my reflection. I removed one hand briefly to run my fingers through my sodden hair, and then I leaned in to take a closer look. Into my weary eyes, I searched desperately for the man that I once saw staring back at me. I clenched the basin tighter, lowered my head and I realized that I don’t like the image the mirror revealed anymore. My eyes had once been so full of dreams; full of passion. They expressed a lust for life and everything it had to offer. Now their vision discolored, infatuations and a lifetime of aspirations all but forgotten.

For the better part of my twenties, Elaine’s soft blue eyes had been the last image I had seen before falling asleep. Many cold nights her warm figure curled into me, as I lay awake searching endlessly for answers, and many mornings I awoke to the same lost and lonely reflection of my tired eyes staring back at me.

I spent so much time searching my heart for the grounds of my unhappiness, that I hadn’t allowed myself to appreciate the little things that made her so special. My uncertainties really had nothing to do with her. I did love her, but for some reason, I was not content with what we had together.

I tried desperately to push her away, because having her hate me seemed so much easier than letting her go. As I stood disappointed, staring into that mirror’s image, I could see how much trying to push her away was slowly breaking her. Yet, even with how hard I tried to distance myself from her, she still remained by my side. I suddenly appreciate that she couldn’t hate me; she didn’t have it in her heart.

As I rummaged through my thoughts, gaping into that murky basin drain, I realized I had to let her go.

One last dinner together, final thoughts passed as we drove about a winding countryside, and as the colors of autumn leaves change, so did the seasons of our lives together. Somehow I had never found her more beautiful than I did that moment.

As I rested my eyes in hers, I took her hand and looking into her soul, and told her one last time that I loved her. Even with how hard it was to say goodbye, we both know that it was the right thing to do.

Maybe we had been holding on to the memories of so many years ago, or quite possibly we were fearful of being alone. Maybe we worried about hurting one another? Perhaps we were really afraid of living because neither of us could honesty say that’s what we were doing those final months – at least not the lives we had both dreamed of.

In those final moments, I realized that no matter how much I loved Elaine, my dreams would always live somewhere in my heart. I knew that if I didn’t start to listen to the desperate cries deep within me, that in being afraid to live, those dreams and the passions my soul lived to feel, were slowly dying.

I truly believe it’s our unhappiness with ourselves that questions the fate of a relationship. The problem is we either don’t know it, or simply don’t know what we are unhappy with.

Many years have gone by now, and since moving on, I have felt my heart thank me for finally giving the thoughts that circled hopelessly through my soul, the opportunity to live. I have felt the inner peace of not being afraid of life anymore.

As I look up, I see the reflection of a man once more full of life; full of passions; a man with not only dreams, but visions that have been realized. I have felt the sometimes painful, yet magical infatuations of love again. I have allowed myself to be inspired by the wisdom life offers us when we not only yearn for more from it, but do something about getting more out of it.

Regrets, I don’t believe in them, but I certainly wish we didn’t have to hurt the ones we love searching for who we are and what it is we want from this journey.

Even when a relationship is not meant to be, it’s hard not to continue caring for someone in some way, for everything they were to you and for what they taught you about love, life, and especially about yourself. I hope Elaine knows I will never forget the way she looked into my eyes when she said she loved me. To be loved in that way by anyone, is the greatest gift life will ever share with us.

In the end, with our painful expressions of separation, we didn’t do or say anything to make that moment one we would later regret. We both knew those final words would last in our hearts forever.

Breaking up is always a painful memory, yet by ending that part of our lives with a smile and by expressing how much those past years meant to us, the last feelings we shared weren’t full of anger or hatred; just the one thing that kept us together through it all – Love.

No matter whether a relationship ends through infidelity, a difference of opinion, or simply different dream paths, one of the many things my time with Elaine taught me, is that in the end, whether you want it to or not, love lives on somewhere in the heart, and always will.

Elaine was the first woman I ever loved, and for understanding me, always believing in me, and for loving me through it all (even those cold lonely nights when I couldn’t find it in my own heart to love myself), a part of me will love her forever. I will never forget how wonderful it felt, to be loved the way she loved me.

Copyright © 2008 Lawrence Thomas

Shaking the Tree Lawrence Thomas Website

Tracy

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Do we have time to ‘Date’ anymore?

We all have such busy lives. We barely have time for ourselves let alone someone we don’t know yet.  Which makes me ask, do we have time to date anymore?The Dating Game

I have been wondering lately how much effort I would put into dating.  First of all you have to want to date and I am not sure many of us do.  Where do you even start?  Where do you meet new people?  Do you join the gym or hang out at Starbucks?  What if you like to run alone and have your own espresso machine?  I am curious where people meet these days.  I asked a few friends of mine and they said they joined an online dating service.  I think I would have a hard time with that.  But when you think of how busy we are, when do we have the time to meet someone new if not online, at night, in the comfort of our own home?  It kind of made sense to me…kind of.

Here’s how it works, you join, create a HONEST profile,  post a RECENT photo of yourself and then you email back and forth to potential prospects, a sort of dating foreplay I guess. On line flirting without having to commit!  Sign me up!

I love flirting in person myself,  hearing the tone of the conversation.  The male voice is all part of it.  The unique inflection of every word can be so sexy and suggestive.  You can’t hear that in an email or text.  The spontaneity or sarcastic banter back and forth that happens when you meet someone that interests you is such a turn on.  Emails and text messaging is for passing casual information, not for dating as far as I am concerned.  There is far too much left for interpretation, in the wrong way.  You can’t hear or see the truth in an email or text message and quite often the wrong impression is sent.  Instinct is lost.

With online dating if you don’t like where the conversation is going you just don’t meet up.  Is that taking the easy way out?  Or is it saving your precious time without having to hurt feeling face to face.  I have mixed feelings about dating services.  I think most people are way too tempted to exaggerate and make a slightly less than honest profile.  I would feel like I was filling out a job application.  My biggest fear would be that someone I knew would email me and I would be totally embarrassed and then have to avoid them.  What if my ex joined too and each of us only had one match.  You dial the private number attached to the profile that looks like your ex when he was wayyyy younger, this guy is just perfect for you, and he answers!  Then what?

Meeting someone through your friends is possible but does that ever really work?  I won’t even mention dating at the work place because absolutely no good what so ever will come of that I can promise you!  Unless of course you don’t really like your job or don’t mind looking the other way each time he/she passes by you.

I can think of a few guys I might date if the opportunity arose but one would have to lose his wife and the other his girlfriend so that’s out!  Do we really care enough to create the opportunities?  Does anyone ever REALLY put themselves out there anymore.  I think not!  And I understand why.  It takes years to get to know someone and just seconds to just not be that into you/him anymore.  I think that when we have time to ourselves, we are not in such a rush anymore to share it with anyone.  Timing is a big part of when and if we have space for someone in our lives.  It has to be for want, not need.  There is a difference.  When your ready you should put yourself out there in anyway that suits you, dating service, blind dates, friend of a friend, join the gym or leave it up to fate and destiny to find that sparkle in someones eyes.fate

I have decided to just go with the flow and enjoy everyone who walks through the door for who they are.  No expectations or obligations or rules to follow.

So to answer my question.  Do we have time to date anymore?  I think so, when we’re ready, willing and able.  Until then if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with for who they are and  just enjoy every day we have on this planet, living in the now!

Here are a few links I found for those who might be interested in more information:

CBC Marketplace (more info for online dating)

PlentyOfFish (free online dating service)

Tracy

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