The Man Rules ~

I was working on a post about Taking Chances but I am not finished yet and I hate to be rushed so it’s sitting in the drafts file percolating. I am feeling dumb and cheerful today so we will just go with something light!

Men in general make me laugh. I like their honest and uncomplicated gender. Although they can sometimes be confusing, it’s usually only when I am being a ‘girl‘. With a little guidance from my man-friend I usually snap out of it and they start to make perfect sense again. I have always had a ton of male friends and think I relate to men concerning women quite often. I was sent this by a friend of mine and it made me giggle. My voice is in (RED).

The Man Rules

Men are NOT mind readers. (THANK GOD…giggle) Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down. (can you say urinal) Sports, its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! (I totally agree!)

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. (my standard answer is “I can’t remember, it was sooooo long ago, I don’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday!”)

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. (NEVER point out your questionable bits to a man, they don’t see them especially when your NAKED!) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one! You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. (Nothing worse than someone talking during a great show!)

Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. (ROFL’ing…say what?)

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. (that cracks me up) If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. (This is the reason I love men, you know exactly where you stand with them as friends 24/7)

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really . Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! (unless you’re willing to spin that perfect mirror around, let it slide ladies!)

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? Its like camping! ~ The End…

Men are pretty basic creatures ladies. We all know Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Throw in a few from Uranus and it all balances out in the end. Regardless of where your man comes from, you know deep down you love and accept him for who he naturally is…no seriously! There really is no point in trying to change the male gender, just accept them for who they are and either Love’em, Lose’em or Leave’em! I choose Love’em!

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Eat Eat Eat Pray Love…

Keep in mind when you read this post it’s my personal feelings about me, not you or anyone else! And yes I am being really hard on myself because I’m allowed, by next week I will be awesome once again! This is the splendour of being a women in your 40’s!

As I looked in the mirror my inner voice whispered “why are my feet always so sore?” Looking right at me was this women who had the nerve to shout back “If you lost a few pounds maybe they wouldn’t be!” Maybe she’s right? Maybe it’s not from overuse but abuse! My poor feet are taking on the task of holding up all of me!

I’ll get to the point, I have some unwanted flub. (my daughter word for fat, it’s much nicer sounding so I will use it here) Throughout my entire life I’ve been in great shape, with the exception of my thyroid going hypo after my first child, twelve years ago. So I understand what it is like to try to lose a few pounds and not be able to. It’s frustrating to say the least. I would run between 30-40 Kilometres a week and not lose an ounce. I was also one of those women in my 20-30 who could eat anything, I didn’t but I could. But this time my unwanted flub, is because I’m content with who I am and simply don’t care if I’ve put on a few pounds because there is no one around to see it, I mean really see it. It’s been 18 years since I’ve been solo and just had me to answer to. It’s liberating and with that comes a little indulgence and relaxation. A holiday of sorts. But every holiday must come to a close and that is where I am at this moment, the climax if you will, of my eat of Eat Pray Love. I will move forward to Pray, or meditation very soon!

I know there are many women who can relate to how I feel about my body right now. For me it goes in cycles or waves.

Lately its like I black out for a moment (I’m sure my eyes roll back in my head) from the time I have the Oreo cookie twisting open, to flashing forward to the last delicious sweet tasting morsel sliding down my feeding tube straight to my ass via my stomach. It ain’t pretty! I don’t even like Oreo cookies! Someone please say they can relate!

The only way my body looks appealing to me at the moment is if I have both arm straight above my head stretched out like I am hanging on the monkey bars or riding a really great roller coaster, in candle light! whooooo hooooo! What are the odds that when I meet a potential suitor, I am going to be standing with both arms raised way above my head? It’s not likely! I need to do something about this NOW, its crunch time! It’s time to either get fit or have flub.

My timing is not good, I came to this realization the day before our Tara Cronica photo shoot with the beautiful photographer Cathy Empey! I would have been in full on panic mode if Bonnie and Jacquie were ripped! lol (they’re not either *phew* :)) or if I didn’t completely 100% trust Cathy’s expertise! Cathy is amazing at capturing women pure and simple! She photographs women of all shapes and sizes so beautifully that it takes away any fear or insecurity you may have with your body. We spent 3 hours with Cathy and by the end of the shoot I felt empowered again! Every women has self doubt or inhibitions but we have to put those aside and really work on loving every inch of our skin.

The bottom line for me is that I feel better when I am in shape, because it is me to be in shape. I envy women who really embrace their full voluptuous figures. I’m not sure there is anything sexier! It all boils down to accepting our bodies no matter what stage of life we’re in and loving all of who we are. Working with what we were given, not just changing it.

I started running again which works for me, it felt like I hadn’t missed a beat. When I run it’s me time, a form of meditation which I need to feel whole. We need to do what feels right for us individually, it’s not about being a bathing suit model, it’s about loving yourself from the inside out and having acceptance for who we are. I am who I am and I love who I’ve become, remembering that, I can do anything. I did take a picture of me with my hands raised way up over my head that I planned on adding to this post but…ya no, there is no point to see where I was, but to only see where I am going.

Embrace the shape your in Ladies!

If you would like to have Cathy capture your inner beauty check out her website! Boudoir by Cathy Empey ~

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