Do Vancouver Men Really Suck?

I was watching Global News the week of Valentines and they had a series called ‘The Things We Do For Love’ which covered all the basis from the pursuit to married with child. Did you know there was such a thing as a wedding proposal planner for the bride groom who doesn’t want her his special moment to be anything less than perfect? Is that starting off on the wrong foot, trying to be perfect? Are women putting that much pressure on their man to be perfect? Are both parties setting themselves up for disappointment in the future when the honeymoon stage is over? Or do they just want a little taste of the fairy-tale while it’s still attainable? I’ve written about Fairy-tales & Happy Endings! (Fairy-tales are make belief, and Happy Endings will cost ya!) Have women lost faith that the male energy can create and orchestrate his own moment…and it be just right?

The series included a serendipitous meeting of a couple who met online by mistake when an email was sent to the wrong address, who are now married with a 2 yr old. Unpredictable and unplanned! Su-weet story. Who cares how long they will last, what’s important is that they took a chance, embraced the unknown and jumped in with both feet. I wish them years of happiness for doing just that!

* romantic sigh *

They also had a Match Maker who thinks men and women hide behind their computers which doesn’t allow them the chance to get out and mingle like they used to. I agree with her wholeheartedly! Nobody talks face to face anymore, communication is via Facebook, Text, Skype, Twitter, E-Mail, BBM, iMessage, MSN ect. There is simply nothing better than standing close to a man, staring into his eyes as he speaks to you. (insert deep inhale here)

There was attention brought to an article in Vancouver Magazine “Do Men in Vancouver Suck?” and although they only included a few female opinions they all agreed they do! In the article the women said single men in Vancouver were passive with no plan, uninteresting and uninterested. Uninteresting is such a general statement to make about someone. There is someone for everyone, so to say someone is uninteresting doesn’t mean they are to everyone. Uninteresting to a specific woman or man perhaps but certainly not to all. Uninterested is also a very general statement. You can’t fake interest in someone, you either are or you aren’t. It’s such a personal attraction and sometimes there’s simply a lack of chemistry so it really doesn’t matter what you do there isn’t a connection. Build a bridge and get over it!

Male energy as you all know intrigues me. I have always had lots of great man-friends. I relate to men and understand them to a certain degree. They are far from perfect as are women. When we come to terms with that, they’re much easier to navigate as are we. I am not sure if men are passive because they have no plan, I think men have slowly been put in the back seat because women of this generation have goals of their own to achieve. Husbands and family are no longer their number 1 focus in many cases. ‘Don’t make someone your priority when they treat you as an option’ works both ways! Women are self sufficient and don’t need men anymore. There are even ways around conception that don’t require a man in the same room. So why wouldn’t men just sit back and watch women succeed without them? Woman can be unapproachable, and lets face it no one likes rejection. Men find comfort in their man-cave watching the game with their buddies, eating hot wings and laugh their asses off with no pressure to preform in a socially acceptable manner. Women find comfort sharing stories with their girlfriends over a glass of wine, laughing their asses off just being themselves. The trick is to be able to do what makes you comfortable with or without your partner in the room, it should be no different whether they are there or not. You need to get out and do what YOU love, and if you’re joined by someone you dig perfect, if not perfect! Just let it be…

I have met some great men over the last couple of years, a good % of them have not been available because of circumstances at the time we meet. Timing is important for sure. Everyone is just doing their best in their situation, trying to navigate life. That can be a difficult task on its own, let alone adding kids and jobs, personal time, living arrangements ect ect ect. Life is more complicated than its ever been for men and women, and I think in time things work out the way it’s meant to be. We all just need to settle down and relax, take one patient step at a time and don’t put so much pressure on one another to meet a socially acceptable time line. Be you and allow the man you have your eye on to be who he is, authentic and true. Follow your heart and eventually you will know if it’s worth exploring further. Accept those who walk into your life for who they are NOW, you have no control or shouldn’t want to control who they unfold to be in time.

When you just start living your own life, things just seem to come together. Start walking, you might be surprised who joins you. Get rid of your expectation because there is no guarantee how long each person will walk along with you in this crazy thing we call life.

I personally think the men in Vancouver are just reacting to the women in Vancouver in their own way. You get what you give in most cases.

 

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Princess Reality

Bonnie Johnson's PostOnce upon a time there lived a beautiful princess….blah, blah, blah….handsome prince…blah, blah, blah,…rescue…blah, blah, blah…and they lived happily ever after.  That was the gist of most of the fairy tales I knew of when I was a little girl.

It was a lovely thought.  No matter how difficult the beginning, in the end everything worked out beautifully.  Fairy tales are a weird genre anyway when you think about it.  There is always someone quite diabolical or evil in them.  The stories are often put together in one book for children called “Bedtime Stories”.  Scary enough to conjure up some strong nightmares for the poor little ones who have them read aloud to them right before going to sleep.  Whose idea was that?  In fairness I do know that originally these tales were meant for adults as much as they were for children.

I recall putting on the Disney movie “Beauty and The Beast” to watch with our grandson, Tristan, who was only 3 or 4 at the time.  I had to turn it off when the wolves were chasing Belle and her father through the forest.  Tristan was totally freaked out!  It never occurred to me that a Disney movie could be so terrifying.  Don’t even get me started on the Brothers Grimm, who I loved reading, but those were some scary stories!

I’m getting a little off topic here, I meant to talk about the unrealistic “happily ever after” sentiment that these stories left with us as young children.  As little girls we all wanted to be the beautiful princess who was rescued by and then married the strong handsome prince.  I have a very close friend that is still hoping for a handsome prince to ride his stallion into her life, swoop her up into the saddle with him and while she clings to his strong chest they will gallop into the sunset to “live happily ever after”.  Now I’m not saying that won’t ever happen, but I just think that there is a whole lot of messy stuff that accompanies it too.  You know, like their kids from previous marriages, the exes, the money issues, etc, etc.

To illustrate my point, I recently found the following images by Vancouver photographer/artist Dina Goldstein.  I think they are brilliantly done.  These photos come from her “Fallen Princesses” project.  “These works place Fairy Tale characters in modern day scenarios.  In all of the images the Princess is placed in an environment that articulates her conflict. The “…happily ever after” is replaced with a realistic outcome and addresses current issues.” (Quoted from  http://www.dinagoldstein.com/)

sleeping-beauty

Cinderella single

Not so Little Red Riding Hood

Rapunzil loses her hair

Sleeping Beauty

How a Princess gets so prettyBonnie

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