The Truth about Love…

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I walked nervously into the room to meet him for the very first time. I had a feeling about who he may be. It was that feeling that had been missing for a very long time. I was dangerously close to giving up, that it may never cross my path again, but there he was sitting waiting for me. It felt surreal from the instant we spoke, sharing freely who we were and what lead us to this moment. I had finally stepped in without fear, without doubt, without hesitation, my mended heart was ready to love again. I felt it.

I looked into his eyes and felt a sense of calm, like coming home after a long time away. It felt right, just as everyone who has ever loved has felt, when it was.

We all have our feeling hurt, our hearts bruised or even broken into tiny little shards of glass never to be the same again. Maybe the broken pieces are not meant to be put back in place, for we are never the same after heart break. When we accept our cracks, it shows us that we can still love the imperfect, the once broken. Who we are doesn’t fade with cracks, we just need to find someone willing to fill them with love and understanding. That is pure raw unfiltered love.

So when your heart is shattered on the ground, gently kneel down and gather the pieces to keep them safe, collect your thoughts and summon up the courage to rebuild what you once knew.

When you cross paths with that person, maybe even your person, and you can feel an emotional storm brewing in the distance. Take a deep breath and allow the storm to blow through you. Allow the ominous clouds of emotion to form around you, you have no control of the wind that creates them, so let the storm begin…enveloping you in it.

Passionate Love is a force meant to be much more powerful than you have ever imagined. It’s love coming for you.

The only question is…are you brave enough to surrender to it?

Ed Sheeran says it beautifully…

Photograph
Ed Sheeran
Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time’s forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home
Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier,
Remember that with every piece of you
Hm, and it’s the only thing we take with us when we die
Hm, we keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts were never broken
And time’s forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone
And if you hurt me
That’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
You can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul
And if you hurt me
Well, that’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go
When I’m away, I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost back on Sixth street
Hearing you whisper through the phone,
“Wait for me to come home.”
Songwriters: Ed Sheeran / Johnny Mcdaid
Photograph lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
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Past Lives…part two.

Past Lives…part one. (last weeks post)

Past Lives…part two.

I felt a tear slowly forge a path down my cheek as her hypnotic voice asked me to move forward in time once again. I didn’t want to move forward, I wasn’t ready to face my fear. I kept looking back, drawn to my past, to him. I grabbed onto a thought that would make my heart beat again. With every ounce of my subconscious strength I held onto the energy of the man who captured my heart. I felt alive again.

He walked toward me, glistening with sweat from working hard in the field. His walk commanded my attention, taking my breath away. In slow motion his strong hands reached out and cupped my jaw on both sides slowly bringing me close enough to feel his breath on my mouth. He stared deep into my soul, taking me to a place I had never been with any man before. Like a tornado he stirred every emotion in my body spinning me out of control with no conscious thought. He had such passion and want in his eyes. Nothing could break through the spiritual connection we were creating in that moment. I would remembered it for eternity.

I heard her soft guiding voice in the distance, muffled like I was hearing it through the wall. She kept repeating the same words over and over. I was lost in my story not wanting to come back up the spiral staircase to reality…she gently repeated “You need to move on, if you don’t you won’t find the answer you are looking for”.

I hesitantly moved forward in time and found myself standing in a familiar spot. I looked towards the tree up on the hill where our son was sitting quietly looking into the vibrant green canopy of leaves that were ready to burst with new life. It was spring again, my favourite season. The breeze was cool this time, fresh subtle fragrance filled the air. The birds were oddly quiet as if they knew what was about to come…

The distant rumble was clearer than any other time. I was waiting for it, anticipated it. I sensed the moment my eyes opened that morning that this was the day. I walked as if in a procession to greet the gentleman who had brought my letters of love in the past. He couldn’t hide his emotions. His eyes told me my heart was about to be shattered into a million pieces. He surely would not have wanted to be the one to deliver this letter, I was thankful it was he who did.

I stoically held my head high as he softly placed the letter in my hand. I closed my eyes to recalled his scent so he could stand next to me and give me his strength. His energy was not within the folded corners. My nose touched the unfamiliar penmanship. His scent, absent. There was nothing. As the tears rolled down my cheeks I opened the handwritten letter to face my biggest fear. I saw words such as brave, strength, respected, sincerely, hero and then I heard his voice faintly whisper the word s-o-r-r-y into my ear.

Our son stood behind me silently with tears flowing down his flush cheeks. We stood with arms wrapped tight around one another, not a word was said. We were all we had left. I felt the presence of his strength circle us as we sobbed silently. I was grateful in that moment to have him in my arms with the same blood pumping through his veins as his father. He would be my forever now.

 

 

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Raising a Teenager…

First things first, Mom and Dad, I love and appreciate everything you ever did for me growing up! You Rocked as parents! I loved hanging out with you. Our house always felt safe. Having kids of my own entering their teens I understand how important it is for them to feel like they have a place where they can be themselves. I love being the house where kids gather and hang out.

Teenagers are naturally programmed to push the boundaries to get their own independence. One day parents are hilarious and the next day our behavior is embarrassing and frowned upon. That’s a hard transition to make as a parent. Words out of the mouths of babes are cute, out of the mouths of teenagers can sometimes sting.

Surging hormones, cry-laugh-bitch all within 3 minutes of each other sums up the unpredictable life of a teen. Remember how up and down your emotions were during puberty? My only hope is that I don’t go through peri-menopause at the same time my daughter goes through puberty or she’ll be going to the moon with Alice!

I was a great kid growing up, until my Mom wouldn’t let my older boyfriend (wild bill) who had a beard, study in my room with the door closed. Okay I find humour in that now, was it really that obvious! What-EVER! She turned into the opposition that day but fortunately it only lasted a short time, at least that’s my recollection. My Mom just let me ride the hormone wave until I was done while she maintained her loving support with my Dad at her side incase she needed the big guns for back-up. (she did, it worked) Thanks Mom! I learned a thing or two about respect in a very short time. (ya never call your Mom the B-word…doesn’t turn out in your favour…ever!)

When you’re a teen you can’t imagine your parents doing anything remotely close to sex so you assume you can pull the wool over their eyes! If your reading this Jordan, if your boyfriend has a beard, he won’t even be entering the front door let alone your pig sty you call a room! Fortunately for me my Mom was smart, understanding and stood her ground keeping me headed in the right direction. I can now appreciate how hard it was for her to deal with a girl-tween.

I have a 13 year old son who is way too charming and handsome for his own good and a 10 going on 16 year old girl who is starting to strike fear into us with how beautiful she is inside and out. Thank god she has a hilarious sense of humour! Her brother is going to have his work cut out for him in high school. The fun has just begun! I’m definitely up for the challenge and also have a great support system in place. Hugely important!

I liked my parents so I spent lots of time with them. They were cool parents that were always there for me no matter what. My Mom was generous, loving and very open and my Dad was encouraging and hilarious so were laughing all the time. We still do. I was never able to lie to my Mom, maybe because I didn’t need to. She was completely tuned into what I was up, and still is. She can tell by the sound of my voice what’s going on in my life. Honestly I always feel better after hearing her advice. I don’t always take it but I still like to hear it.

I recently had ‘the’ talk with my son on the way to a party about being aware and safe. I had the same talk my Dad had with me. He simply told me I was his only daughter who he loved and trusted and couldn’t imagine life without me. He always wanted me to be safe. I told my son how important it is to always have a clear mind. It’s when your mind is clouded that things can go terribly wrong. Teaching your kids to make conscious smart choices is so important, to be a leader not a follower. Its tough raising kids when they’re little but nothing prepares you for when they start to spread their wings to fly on their own, bitter sweet for sure. Telling your kids that you trust them right before they go out is like buying insurance, no kid really wants to disappoint their parents. Say it even if you don’t! 🙂 All kids make mistakes, the key is to be there for them when they do and support them, don’t say I told you so!

Kids need their parents when they are little to survive, but I think when they start to naturally push us away is when they need us more, even if it’s sitting together in silence. Just knowing your there if they reach out is sometimes all they need.

 

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What is Love?

What is Love? There are various kinds of love; Passionate love, Lustful love, Brotherly love, Mother’s love, Compassionate love, Unconditional love, the list goes on.

When I go out walking I see the same elderly man pushing his wife in her wheel chair around the neighborhood, they have love that I am certain many of us have yet to feel. I stop and talk to them each time we cross paths about the weather, flowers and my old dog Zack who greets them like an old friend each time. They have an energy about them that attracts my heart. I can’t resist being in their presence for what I think they have experienced. They look to me like they never gave up. They have stood by one another through life’s trials and tribulations and came out on top in the end, standing next to one another. They are dressed perfectly and seem content to just be with one another. I am curious about their story and I just might ask next time I see them so in my mind I know a little more about love.

I think every woman wants a love story of her own. We are drawn to love stories because they allow us to feel the magic of love, we are happy to indulge our emotions, even if just for a brief moment. Love for me begins when one human being develops special meaning to another. Plain and simple. You wake up and they are on your mind, throughout your entire day your thoughts are with them, and they become your last thought before you drift off to sleep.

Lustful love is something everyone should experience once in their lives. You lose your inhibitions when you get caught up in lustful love, but unfortunately it usually ends in sorrow.

Romantic love starts when you take down the walls and open your heart to someone and trust them with your deepest desires. You become sexually possessive and only want them to be intimate with you and only you. And so it begins, the next step towards true love… romantic love.

I am a romantic and for me love is like having a breath of air. It’s vital to my existence. Love happens when we least expect it and can change our lives forever. I have learned a lot about love in my 40 odd years of life and I think only now, have I really started to understand it’s greatness. Without love our world would be a very different place.

Motherly love is the scariest love for me, it’s having a piece of your heart walking around outside of your body. Vulnerability to the 100th degree!

Passionate love is a personal favourite, uncontrollable, spontaneous, unexpected, raw and free from any kind of structure. 🙂 It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it!

Unconditional love is the most rewarding, giving, selfless love one can experience. It has no boundaries and is the truest, purest form of love you can ever have the pleasure of feeling.

Loves changes everything. Embrace any love you have in your life!

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Where Did You Meet Your Girl Friends?

Jacquie’s take~

Growing up I never had much difficulty finding friends.  Even as a small child I think I had the ‘disease to please’ and so I know I kinda went along with any game plan that was put on the table.  I was really easy going and just didn’t care to rock the boat.  I kept a lot of my emotions and opinions to myself and as a result I always had a lot of friends to play and laugh with.  In high school I met Naava, an out-spoken artsy/intellectual who jumped for no one and, literally, danced to the beat on her own drum.  We totally clicked for some reason.   I think because with her I felt I could just be me and I wasn’t afraid to not be perfectly agreeable.  For the first time I had a friend who I felt really liked the real me and not just the ‘fun’ me, and that was huge.  I learned so much from that friendship about quality, not quantity.

When I think about where I’ve met all my closest girlfriends what surprises me as that there really is no recurring theme except that they’re all quality women.  They’ve all popped into my life from different angles;  work, travel, school mom, friend of a friend’s spouse, neighborhood, and I am soooo grateful for them all.  I guess the point is you never really know when a new amazing friendship is going to find its way into your life.   Every girlfriend I’ve had has given me something special and made me a better, happier, more in-tuned human being.

My mother used to say that the friends you make in high school will always be close because you’ve seen each other go through one of the most difficult periods in your lives and that’s incredibly bonding.  While I think there’s a lot of truth in that, I also think that it’s equally possible to make deep bonds with new girlfriends at any stage in your life.  Once you’ve experienced a true connection with someone you know it’s a feeling you never want to be without.

I found a really interesting site last year when I was online looking for book club ideas.  It’s called www.meetups.com and it works like this; you punch in your zip code and up pops a list of different clubs or groups that are meeting in your area.  Joining is as easy as tapping a button.  I’ve used this site to join a book club, coffee club and a walking group.  When my sister moved to Australia last year I told her about it and she found a writer’s group in Sydney she wanted to try out.  I think this is a really inspiring site and what the internet is all about.. feeling connected.    Your newest BFF could be one of the ladies at the Fabulous and Forty Wine Tasting Club!

Bonnie’s 2 cents~

Bonnie and Dorrie

I'm the one on the left with the strange bloomer shorts on. Dorrie is on her bike/pretend horse behind me. Yes, it was in the days before colour film.

I still remember seeing her across the street playing in her yard.  She kept glancing over at me but then she would look away as soon as our eyes met.  Her every move fascinated me.  What was she imagining with her dolls.  I wanted so badly to play with her.  I’m the shy one.  Other kids always come over to me first.  I went inside and talked to my grandma about it.  “Just go over and tell her your name.  Then ask her if she wants to play with you.”  my grandmother said in her matter of fact tone.   “Can’t you go over and ask her if she wants to play with me?”  My grandmother just shuffled me out the door and told me not to be so silly.  I was 4.  We stared at each other for a while longer and then finally one of us ( I think it was her)  shouted out “What’s your name?” and that was all it took.  We were great friends from that moment on…until I moved away shortly after.  Her name was Dorrie.  I wonder how she is now?

I’ve met girl friends all over the world.  Unfortunately, I’ve moved all over the place too and have left many behind.   I’ve always had the best intentions about keeping in touch but as time goes on and my life has taken different turns, I’ve lost touch with many really great friends.  This is one of my biggest regrets.  Thanks to Facebook however, I have been able to reconnect with some and that has been wonderful.

One of my life’s greatest blessings has been the one constant friend I’ve had since high school, Tracy.  We’ve had our ups and downs but through it all we have learned some valuable lessons and have grown closer and closer.  When I think back on our years together I realize we haven’t lived in the same city for many of them but I don’t ever worry that we will drift apart.  Our bond is too deep.

Looking back I realize I have always had at least one close girlfriend near at all times.  I have so many fond memories of all the great women I’ve had the opportunity to get to know well in my life.  They’ve all helped mold me into the woman I am today and I’m truly grateful to all of them.

Tracy’s thoughts~

Where did I meet my girlfriends you ask?  Strip clubs mostly, after hours.  I’m kidding.  I used to have mostly guy friends in my teens and twenties. Girls judged and gossip too much for me, guys were much less complicated.  I feel differently now.  I embrace the female spirit.

There was one girl who was always there, the one who knows every single deep dark secret of mine in detail, Bonnie.  Some say the truth shall set you free.  In my case, her aging mind will.  Here’s hoping she loses the long term first.  I want her to remember who I am, just not what I did.  It would be so fun if she lost her mind before me so I could convince her it was she who did certain things, not I.  Our conversations would go something like this.  “I still can’t believe you did that!”  Tracy says jokingly.   “Did I do that?“  Bonnie says confusingly.  “I should know I was there when you did it!”, Tracy says, while looking down to the left because it’s a big fat lie.   “ I always thought it was you who did that?“  says Bonnie, while she starts to doubt her inner voice.  “Nope that was you.“ says Tracy with her best acting face ever!

Bonnie and I met in Acting class when we were 15.  Good thing we didn’t meet sooner because I would have FOR SURE told on her for some of the things she did.  We were partners in class and our task was to find out as much about the other person and then introduce them to everyone.  It was fairly basic for us, “Hi  I’m so-n-so, I live in North Van, I’m 15.” and then we laughed and giggled for the rest of the time.  I guess right then we knew we would be best friends forever so we didn’t want to find out too much too soon.  It has taken me 30 years to get to know Bonnie and still to this day she amazes me daily at how non judgmental and unconditional her friendship is.  She is one of the most multi-faceted souls I have had the honor to meet.

But how lucky can one girl be, 12 years ago I had the most incredible luck and met Jacquie on set of the movies.  We have become very close over the last couple of years because we make the time to see one another.  We embrace who we are, we work well together balancing one another’s quirks.  She makes me want to be a better person.  Sometime that’s hard! But I love her for it.  She challenges me which is such a turn on (not in that way).

Making memories is what friendships are all about.  Friends come and go, we learn, we grow.  I have a circle of friends now that I absolutely adore, some old, some new, some borrowed and men too.  It doesn’t really matter where you meet them, just that you do.

Girlfriends !!

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