Back to Basics ~

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IMG_6835I have had a great deal of inner dialog lately that seems to surface at unexpected times during my day. It feels like my subconscious is sending out warning signals, interrupting my thought process, trying to remind me to stay connected. I have been in deep thought about what I want and how I am going to achieve it, physically, spiritually, mentally, financially and in love. Times up, todays the day!

The physical part is easy…just do it. Put your shoes on and go! Lately I have lost my connection with that feeling of being exhilarated by movement. I crave it! I am starting to understand why.

“Hi my name is Tracy Westerholm and I am addicted to massive amounts of social media!” There I said it. Social Media has been the instigator to my disconnect. Too much time with my face in my phone engulfed in every iPhone app related to connecting with others, which has made me feel disconnected with myself and oddly enough…others!

WARNING RUN ON SENTENCE AHEAD…

Lets be honest all the social media that is out there is actually NOT allowing us to connect with one another up close and personal! I don’t have time after I log in to Facebook and check my messages, upload a pic or two, say hi to a few friends, BBM the handsome dude back East, answer my Text Messages, scroll Instagram, WhatsApp my non iPhone friends, check out who checked me out on OkCupid, answer my regular Email (not one but 4 accounts) Facetime my daughter in the other room, Skype, Snapchat, Pinterest, download a new song from iTunes, listen to it, YouTube the latest cool video, MapMyRun but now I am so tired…I don’t run! Good God no wonder I don’t have time to meet you for coffee! I need a nap just reading that!

I am deactivating ( <~a true addict) distancing myself from Facebook (insert gasp here) and although I know I will go back at some point, I need this brake break. (<~ thanks Bon…see I need your balance…come back!) I need to fall back in love with me, so I have taken a few steps to unplug all the distractions that are preventing me from becoming a better me. I need to find my focus.

Reconnecting with my spirituality has also been on my mind, but has been clouded by the chaos that I have allowed to surround me. I need to reconnect with what is important to me. I need to listen to my heart without all the distractions of my head.

Financially I am starting to feel in control. It is about balancing needs and wants. Having the desire and drive to achieve short and long term goals you set is critical in seeing them to fruition. If you don’t set these goals you lose sight of where you are heading. Having spent the last year working at Envision Financial I have become very much aware of what is important in finding a balance in my financial life. I have also experienced first hand how having a plan in place helps you reach your goals, no matter what they are. I love my job and the women I work with, they are so willing to share their knowledge and support with one another.

Mentally I strive to be in a place that makes sense. I think too much. Although I am ready to take on whatever comes my way it can be daunting at times. I remind myself ~ It’s how we react to tough situations that makes us truly who we are, building our character along the way. I think all of us need to take a mental vacation from everything to see clearly what we need to change. I know I do, I am.

Love! I can’t write anything without there being an underlying voice of love, it’s who I am. It truly is all we really need. Loving unconditionally without boundaries or restrictions is the purest form of love. I have struggled over the years to understand what I want and need in regard to love. I think I may be searching for a moving ship. Some days I sink, other days I float.

One thing I know for sure is that I need my girlfriends! Female energy is nurturing. When I  walk next to one of my girlfriends, whether my heart is heavy or light, whether I have tears of sadness or joy they always seem to balance my energy with theirs making us feel empowered and able to take on the world once again!

Have a wonderful long weekend everyone! Be safe and connect with someone up close and personal, it matter!

Svaha ~

Tracy signiture

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Can I Start Again?

Have you ever wanted to start over because you screwed something up? I think it’s perfectly legal to ask if you can start again. We did it as kids while playing, we’d begin something and if it didn’t go as planned we’d ask if we could start over. When taking pen to paper to write a love letter, in the days of real romance, we crumpled up what wasn’t just right and started from scratch, several times! How many love letters were lost because of imperfection? How many moments were given away because of the fear of being imperfect? Think about it, your first kiss, riding your bike, making love, drawing a picture. Nothing is done perfectly to start, really close maybe, but not perfect in the real world. It gives us something to strive for. When we say, ‘it just doesn’t get any better than this’, if you really think about it, it can always get better. But what determines better? Stuff? Time? Energy of the moment?

Now that we have texting and email we just press delete and our mistakes are wiped away into thin air, never to be seen in their unperfected state. Sad don’t you think. All those mistakes gone to waste. We learn from mistakes.

Lets take this a little further, do you ever wish you could do the same with life. Look around right now at who or what is in your space and imagine for a moment that you could delete the mistakes you’ve made with a press of the a button, and start again. 🙂 If this was possible, would you? If you did, you wouldn’t be who you are today. You would be perfect! Can you imagine meeting someone perfect? It would be like a writer having only final drafts, no works in progress, nothing to improve upon. It would never work! Nobody’s perfect! We need imperfection in our lives to create balance. It would be really easy but the end result would be no feeling of accomplishment. I don’t like a bunch of loose ends in my life either, I like to have things tied up or at least comfortably undone. I love all the flaws and character traits someone of the opposite sex has to offer, it makes them more interesting. Its part of the story of their life.

I told Scott of my idea for this post and he took it even further. What if we could run our lives with the buttons on our keyboard. I mentioned earlier Delete, but maybe delete is too strong to start, perhaps we could first Backspace a little and re-do a moment we wish we had done differently and then decide if it was delete worthy. Esc, who hasn’t wanted to escape from a moment or two or three! Control, you have it when you press the button. Enter/Return to a moment in your past, just pick one 🙂 Options, a pop down menu comes up and gives you options to pick from depending on the scenario. Volume, now were talkin, no explanation needed on this one! Fn,(function) cause sometimes we just need a little help doing it.

Would you have married the guy standing in the door frame looking at you, or have bought the desk you’re sitting at just because it was on sale. Maybe the room you’re sitting in wouldn’t be a colour you’ve learnt to live with? You might have held eye contact just a little longer with the guy at the coffee shop. Talked to the elderly women a moment longer before she crossed the street. I don’t think there is any particular moment I would delete in my life, but I would go back to several and not rush through them so quickly. I would enjoy every intoxicating moment. I wouldn’t walk away from a kiss that touched my soul because of time or circumstance. I would try to remain in the moment as long as it allowed.

I don’t think starting over is the way to go, although it sounds easy to just ‘delete’. Accepting the choices we’ve made along the way and not taking the easy way out must have some positive force in our lives, don’t you think? You have to live with no regrets and if you make mistakes along the way accept them as part of what made you who you are and focus on what really matters. At least you started…

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Do we have time to ‘Date’ anymore?

We all have such busy lives. We barely have time for ourselves let alone someone we don’t know yet.  Which makes me ask, do we have time to date anymore?The Dating Game

I have been wondering lately how much effort I would put into dating.  First of all you have to want to date and I am not sure many of us do.  Where do you even start?  Where do you meet new people?  Do you join the gym or hang out at Starbucks?  What if you like to run alone and have your own espresso machine?  I am curious where people meet these days.  I asked a few friends of mine and they said they joined an online dating service.  I think I would have a hard time with that.  But when you think of how busy we are, when do we have the time to meet someone new if not online, at night, in the comfort of our own home?  It kind of made sense to me…kind of.

Here’s how it works, you join, create a HONEST profile,  post a RECENT photo of yourself and then you email back and forth to potential prospects, a sort of dating foreplay I guess. On line flirting without having to commit!  Sign me up!

I love flirting in person myself,  hearing the tone of the conversation.  The male voice is all part of it.  The unique inflection of every word can be so sexy and suggestive.  You can’t hear that in an email or text.  The spontaneity or sarcastic banter back and forth that happens when you meet someone that interests you is such a turn on.  Emails and text messaging is for passing casual information, not for dating as far as I am concerned.  There is far too much left for interpretation, in the wrong way.  You can’t hear or see the truth in an email or text message and quite often the wrong impression is sent.  Instinct is lost.

With online dating if you don’t like where the conversation is going you just don’t meet up.  Is that taking the easy way out?  Or is it saving your precious time without having to hurt feeling face to face.  I have mixed feelings about dating services.  I think most people are way too tempted to exaggerate and make a slightly less than honest profile.  I would feel like I was filling out a job application.  My biggest fear would be that someone I knew would email me and I would be totally embarrassed and then have to avoid them.  What if my ex joined too and each of us only had one match.  You dial the private number attached to the profile that looks like your ex when he was wayyyy younger, this guy is just perfect for you, and he answers!  Then what?

Meeting someone through your friends is possible but does that ever really work?  I won’t even mention dating at the work place because absolutely no good what so ever will come of that I can promise you!  Unless of course you don’t really like your job or don’t mind looking the other way each time he/she passes by you.

I can think of a few guys I might date if the opportunity arose but one would have to lose his wife and the other his girlfriend so that’s out!  Do we really care enough to create the opportunities?  Does anyone ever REALLY put themselves out there anymore.  I think not!  And I understand why.  It takes years to get to know someone and just seconds to just not be that into you/him anymore.  I think that when we have time to ourselves, we are not in such a rush anymore to share it with anyone.  Timing is a big part of when and if we have space for someone in our lives.  It has to be for want, not need.  There is a difference.  When your ready you should put yourself out there in anyway that suits you, dating service, blind dates, friend of a friend, join the gym or leave it up to fate and destiny to find that sparkle in someones eyes.fate

I have decided to just go with the flow and enjoy everyone who walks through the door for who they are.  No expectations or obligations or rules to follow.

So to answer my question.  Do we have time to date anymore?  I think so, when we’re ready, willing and able.  Until then if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with for who they are and  just enjoy every day we have on this planet, living in the now!

Here are a few links I found for those who might be interested in more information:

CBC Marketplace (more info for online dating)

PlentyOfFish (free online dating service)

Tracy

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