Round Hole Square Peg

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How long do we need to continue putting a square peg into a round hole before we throw it up in the air and try something different? We all learn as babies how this works. Triangle shape fits into a triangle hole. I don’t know one who got it right the first go. As adults we sat and watched encouraging the fumbling little fingers and intense concentration to keep trying, knowing they would eventually get it right. When they did, we celebrated their accomplishment just as enthusiastically if not more than they did.

Flash forward years and change your view just slightly and imagine these pegs as our belief systems, morals, values and opinions. We may not have the pegs in front of us physically but the idea is just the same. We have a way of thinking and our partner has their way of thinking. His may be the round peg and you may have the square hole. <~~~ that sounds just weird after writing it but I am going to leave it.

We all have different opinions, belief systems, morals and values. Some we are willing to compromise on and some are set in stone. We can either try to change the other to adopt ours or we can compromise and blend them together. Keep in mind that each human being has walked a unique path making them who they are because of where they came from and the life experience they had along the way. When we can dive deep to the root of who they are it is much easier to understand why they may have formed a different view on life than we have. Unlike the baby trying to fit that rigid peg into a hole we have learned over the years to compromise in our work relationships, friendships and love unions. We evolve and learn that what is best for the team is a blend of everyone involved. It is not as cut and dry as wood pegs.

Lets say within a relationship we are given 10 pegs, we can see how many we agree on by placing them into the right slot. Again celebrating the ones that fit so perfectly. But what happens when they don’t fit?

We can take weeks, months even years to figure out some of our pegs are not going to match no matter how hard we try. Some of us are slow learners, or are we? Maybe we just know what we want and were relentless in finding a way to make it work? Maybe we are not willing to compromise? Maybe we just need to find a heavier mallet to smash the square peg into the round hole and be done with it. The problem is the peg we smash into the wrong hole is going to be damaged. Now what? Should we be get out our sandpaper and start smoothing the edges of our pegs and try to keep going? <~~~ that is called compromise. Or do we give up and walk away from all the pegs we have damaged?

This is where communication steps in…Hallelujah to words but even better the actions that follow. In my humble opinion, if you are not willing to follow through with the actions behind the words, you should keep those words inside a little longer. The time will eventually present itself and be a moment to celebrate! Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Some of us can communicate better than others. If we try, over time we evolve into better communicators with practise. If you consider yourself a poor communicator with words, you can always fall back on your actions…you know what they say about actions, they speak louder then words. There really is no reason to fail at communication, it’s just whether or not you are doing it to listen, or to reply. Muting someones words just tells them they don’t matter. I have learned over the years that if you stay in the room, even the worst case scenario…agree to disagree, you fair better than walking away.

Communication is a choice. Here are a few prime examples, you tell me what appears to be the best form of getting your whole view across.

Text messaging is a form of somewhat broken communication, good if you are sending brief information required, but for anything more meaningful it is passing back and forth fragmented thoughts that can lapse over days. This is for those who want to think so long before they speak and even when they do it is so wide open for interpretation it most often goes in the wrong direction, leaving both parties more confused.

Email can have it’s advantages for those who want to get their thoughts down without being interrupted but isn’t injections from the other person necessary to have the flow go in the right direction, a natural ebb and flow of a conversation. You both help the other understand by clarifying something along the way as to not have the wrong impression.

Phone conversation are the second best in my opinion, hearing the persons voice can help direct you as to what they are feeling with simply the tone of their voice.

Standing in front of another human being is the only way to truly communicate. The only way you can have any real success in trying to get his round peg into your square hole. 🙂 You see their eyes, their body language and if both are open to expressing themselves honestly it is a communication celebration.

So life is not about being completely structured, fitting a square peg into a square hole and thinking that is the only option. Life is about how we deal with situations when the square peg and round hole present itself to us, how we communicate to solve the problem, whether in business or our personal lives.

~ Tracy

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Look Back & Move Forward ~

At the end of each year I take time to look back and then move forward. There are always lessons learned, dots to connect and thoughts to purge. I savour moments with friends who have been in my life for a long time. (happy sigh) I think of those I’ve just met and how each person who crossed my path helped me become a better person. I love connecting the dots to see the growth of the year behind me. I sit for a while and daydream of how my life will change in the coming year trying very hard not to paint a picture prematurely. In doing so you are planting the seed of expectation.

I acknowledge what I need to change about myself. No need to jump in here, I’ve got this one…off the top of my head I can be a little stubborn at times. (nod your head all you want, I can’t see you! lol ) In order to change you must first be aware…correct? I’m not sure if I want to change too much at this stage of my life. I’d be willing to compromise. And to finish my thought process I set a few goals for the coming year.

Last year was full of lessons, more than usual for me. I learned a lot about myself and came to the conclusion that I still have a lot of work to do! I don’t just talk the talk I do walk the walk…most of the time. It would be helpful if I took my own advice, but what fun would there be in that! I am finally willing to admit that although I am strong and independent, there is a vulnerable side of me that sometimes wants to be taken care of.

A few time this year I felt like I was starting from scratch and couldn’t remember how the story went. I don’t always feel sure of where I am heading or whose coming along for the ride. I know one thing for sure ~ life has absolutely NO guarantees so follow your heart and trust your instincts.

Choices made last year have given me a push forward which is kind of scary. I am officially out of my winter slumber or comfort zone, feeling somedays like I’m standing naked on the corner of a busy intersection…and not getting paid for it! It feels liberating, exhilarating even, and then it scares the crap out of me! I’ve sprayed Rescue Remedy under my tongue on a few occasions! FYI it works!

I usually choose to share what’s on my mind, being the open book I have become accustom to. I wonder at times if I should just zip it and keep things to myself more. Up and down, up and down I go on this ride called life. When you really start to live you feel all the erratic emotions life has to offer, it can be daunting and exhilarating all at the same time leaving you feeling vulnerable, open. I am open and it feels good. Once you are open the only thing left to do is trust. Trust in who you are, where you are going and who may join you along the way.

Life is full of wonder. When I start to think about the details too much I meditate. I try to let it go, not always an easy task for me. A run with some good tunes usually helps! I’m a thinker, a worrier and sometimes over analyze so I’m ready…for what I am not sure but I’m ready. I have learned to grab life with both hands and enjoy the rush of excitement while it lasts. It’s ever changing. Life is not a race, it’s a journey.

Everything comes to an end eventually just as this last year did, but here we are in a new chapter in this so called life we live. Life is worth every beautiful moment. Take a deep breath, and think of what you are grateful for and what you wish to achieve in your year ahead.

Svaha ~

 

 

 

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Midlife, Crisis or Awakening?

I have been thinking a lot lately about midlife.  Why, you ask, when I’m only 30-ish! (cough, choke, spit)  If asked straight out I don’t lie about my age.  I never have.  (I just become a low talker)  I am quite the opposite actually as  I usually admit to being the age I will be next.

We need to stop associating ‘midlife’ with ‘crisis’.  Why is it that when we finally start to feel like ourselves again that we have to classify this as a crisis?  Should it not be midlife celebration?  I don’t know about you, but it is for me and my circle of friends!Midlife Celebration!

We go through our 20’s where we think we know everything.  Well, at least I did.  My way or the highway!  We have the world by the tail.  We have few responsibilities with the exception of school and a part-time job.  We have freedom to do what we want, when we want, where we want, with whom we want.  Pause for a moment here and just daydream a moment with me.  Read slowly….What you want, when you want, where you want, with whom you want!  Did you giggle?  Smile at least?  Nothing wrong with remembering your past as long as you aren’t living in it.

We enter into our 30’s with more knowledge of what life is all about.  We hopefully have a job that has the potential of developing into a career.  Most of us have a partner and start to think of marriage and having a family.  We learn the importance of compromise.  But with that comes less time for ourselves and our life goes out of balance for a time.

We quickly reached our 40’s.  I must have had fun because man that went fast.  We have confidence in our opinions.  We have more freedom as our kids become independent.  More me time.  We start to find ourselves again and it feels incredible!  I just don’t see how this is a crisis.

Men buy sports cars, motorcycles or boats because they used enjoy them before they were required to trade them in for the mini van.  Compromise.  Women start to spend more time with their friends because that is what they used to do before their family took priority.  We start to live again.  We accept more, we say no and we don’t concern ourselves with the small things in life anymore.  We enjoy ourselves again without the attitude or desire of knowing it all.  It is a blessing to enter the second half of life with a carefree attitude.  We learn to embrace every moment we are given.  We have learned to live in the moment and  not judge.  We love,  we grow as souls, we appreciate everything the world has given to us to explore.  We finally GET IT!  That my friends is an Awakening not a crisis!

TracyThe Age of Miracles

The Age of Miracles by Marianne Williamson ( Great read!)


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