Round Hole Square Peg

images

How long do we need to continue putting a square peg into a round hole before we throw it up in the air and try something different? We all learn as babies how this works. Triangle shape fits into a triangle hole. I don’t know one who got it right the first go. As adults we sat and watched encouraging the fumbling little fingers and intense concentration to keep trying, knowing they would eventually get it right. When they did, we celebrated their accomplishment just as enthusiastically if not more than they did.

Flash forward years and change your view just slightly and imagine these pegs as our belief systems, morals, values and opinions. We may not have the pegs in front of us physically but the idea is just the same. We have a way of thinking and our partner has their way of thinking. His may be the round peg and you may have the square hole. <~~~ that sounds just weird after writing it but I am going to leave it.

We all have different opinions, belief systems, morals and values. Some we are willing to compromise on and some are set in stone. We can either try to change the other to adopt ours or we can compromise and blend them together. Keep in mind that each human being has walked a unique path making them who they are because of where they came from and the life experience they had along the way. When we can dive deep to the root of who they are it is much easier to understand why they may have formed a different view on life than we have. Unlike the baby trying to fit that rigid peg into a hole we have learned over the years to compromise in our work relationships, friendships and love unions. We evolve and learn that what is best for the team is a blend of everyone involved. It is not as cut and dry as wood pegs.

Lets say within a relationship we are given 10 pegs, we can see how many we agree on by placing them into the right slot. Again celebrating the ones that fit so perfectly. But what happens when they don’t fit?

We can take weeks, months even years to figure out some of our pegs are not going to match no matter how hard we try. Some of us are slow learners, or are we? Maybe we just know what we want and were relentless in finding a way to make it work? Maybe we are not willing to compromise? Maybe we just need to find a heavier mallet to smash the square peg into the round hole and be done with it. The problem is the peg we smash into the wrong hole is going to be damaged. Now what? Should we be get out our sandpaper and start smoothing the edges of our pegs and try to keep going? <~~~ that is called compromise. Or do we give up and walk away from all the pegs we have damaged?

This is where communication steps in…Hallelujah to words but even better the actions that follow. In my humble opinion, if you are not willing to follow through with the actions behind the words, you should keep those words inside a little longer. The time will eventually present itself and be a moment to celebrate! Mean what you say and say what you mean.

Some of us can communicate better than others. If we try, over time we evolve into better communicators with practise. If you consider yourself a poor communicator with words, you can always fall back on your actions…you know what they say about actions, they speak louder then words. There really is no reason to fail at communication, it’s just whether or not you are doing it to listen, or to reply. Muting someones words just tells them they don’t matter. I have learned over the years that if you stay in the room, even the worst case scenario…agree to disagree, you fair better than walking away.

Communication is a choice. Here are a few prime examples, you tell me what appears to be the best form of getting your whole view across.

Text messaging is a form of somewhat broken communication, good if you are sending brief information required, but for anything more meaningful it is passing back and forth fragmented thoughts that can lapse over days. This is for those who want to think so long before they speak and even when they do it is so wide open for interpretation it most often goes in the wrong direction, leaving both parties more confused.

Email can have it’s advantages for those who want to get their thoughts down without being interrupted but isn’t injections from the other person necessary to have the flow go in the right direction, a natural ebb and flow of a conversation. You both help the other understand by clarifying something along the way as to not have the wrong impression.

Phone conversation are the second best in my opinion, hearing the persons voice can help direct you as to what they are feeling with simply the tone of their voice.

Standing in front of another human being is the only way to truly communicate. The only way you can have any real success in trying to get his round peg into your square hole. 🙂 You see their eyes, their body language and if both are open to expressing themselves honestly it is a communication celebration.

So life is not about being completely structured, fitting a square peg into a square hole and thinking that is the only option. Life is about how we deal with situations when the square peg and round hole present itself to us, how we communicate to solve the problem, whether in business or our personal lives.

~ Tracy

Share

Embrace Change ~

“Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.” Dalai Lama

I am not talking about the change of life. I am not there yet but I sense I will sail right through it with flying colours when it does come for me. I greet most change with “I’ve been expecting you.” Change is good, but not all change is welcomed right away. Comfort can sometimes lull us into a false sense of security. I admit I’ve become comfortable at times in my life and it seems that is when change has thrown me off balance, clubbed me right over the head knocking me to the ground! Nothing I can’t handle. I simply need time to process things, get a better understanding of where I am and what I need to do in order to move forward. I take a little time to collect my thoughts, stand back up, brush myself off, get my bearing and off I go. I am a trooper willing to do work and represent who I am to the core.

Every now and then I feel like I am on an island by myself with nothing but the cloths on my back. When I feel like this I try to figure out what lesson I am meant to learn on my own. Sometimes the most valuable ones in life are learned while standing solo. These are the times in life we need to do things on our own, just to be reminded that we can.

Different elements in our life adjust and shift into place, it’s a natural ebb and flow of what must be. Life is about balance, without it we tend to wobble here and there. If we don’t have balance we can’t find our flow. We need change sometimes in order to allow us to evolve and unfold instigating a move in the right direction. We need to step up and face the music so to speak. I have to admit at times I’ve want to turn the music OFF…and then a reallllly good song comes on distracting me and I’m right back to singing along. Look something shiny! Ebb and flow!

Music has helped me through lots of change in my life because it empowers and lifts my spirit just when I need it. Running is essential for me to feel balance and girlfriends, well they just simply rock my world in a way a man wouldn’t begin to know how. Women naturally nurture and support each other when change steps out unannounced. We can all relate to each other to some degree. We have either been there, done that, bought the T-shirt or we know someone who has. I also love my amazing man-friends who are able to put things into a different perspective for me. Male energy has a way of seeing through the clutter of emotions, getting right down to the nitty gritty of what’s going on. It’s important to have a wide variety of friends both male and female energy, it helps give a more well rounded view of life as we walk through it.

I know I am loved by many and supported in everything I take on in life. It’s nice to know that when you feel like you’re walking on uneven ground there is someone who senses you need a hand. I am grateful for everyone who has given me their support that has ultimately helped me continue down my path in life with a huge smile on my face. (((((smile)))))

Embrace change everyone! I am here if you need a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on, a giggle, a hug or simply a smile. We are meant to lift one another in life to another level of understanding, embracing the change along the way!

Just keep in mind when change comes knocking at your door, you don’t need to answer it until your ready. If it sneaks up on you, just know that you’re not expected to know what to do right away, but eventually it will all become very clear!

Embrace Change…

“It is not the strongest of the species
that survives, nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.”
~ Charles Darwin

Share

Explore All Your Senses…

I see you ~ Have you ever met someone who sees you clearer than any other human being on the planet…including yourself.  It can be your best friend, parent, lover or partner. Seeing someones true self is a very intimate connection, that takes time. Not everyone is an open book or easily read which makes it harder, and not everyone is able or wants to expose their true self to others. Every now and then we meet that special person who sees right past our exterior to the juicy centre of who we truly are. When someone does see you for who you are, it makes you accountable to yourself. They become your second conscience. These unique human beings make us want to be better people.

I hear you ~ We all want our voice to be heard. In order to hear you must listen. Listening is the key to any good relationship in my eyes. Listening is learning and learning is what life is all about. Listen, learn, understand and accept the words you hear. Be open.

I feel you ~ When you open yourself to those around you, you become in-tune with their energy. Energy from a connection with another human being can be felt without even touching the surface of our skin. I feel you is more than physical.

Touching without words can be one of the most sensual forms of communicating. Human touch bonds us, heals us and releases endorphins more powerful than morphine. It can be a simple touch of the arm or a powerful embrace with someone we feel a strong connection to.

I taste you ~ Taste can be bitter, sweet, savoury or salty. Each of us has all those elements waiting to be shared.

I breathe you ~ Scent of the skin, a subtle fragrance, aromatherapy. Pheromones working their magic can be exhilarating. Each individual has their own unique scent that no other can replicate. The essence of who you are is within your skin.

Sixth sense ~ Intuition is what speaks to us when our other senses are clouded by circumstance…or life for that matter. Instinct can be so strong it can’t be ignored or just an whisper that brushes lightly by our skin. It’s the one thing in life you can trust if you open yourself to it.

We forget to open all of our senses to the world around us. If we do I think we experience life on an entirely different level. See, hear, feel, taste and breath in each day to live life to its fullest. 

 

Share

What Woos You?

Physical attraction and eye contact with someone new can be pretty powerful but you eventually have to speak. Communicating without the physical aspect can also stimulate the senses but you eventually have to meet. What seals the deal for you when it comes to accepting a date with the opposite sex? What woos you? Intrigue is first and foremost for me. Words create intrigue capturing the essence of who they are. Can you be wooed by words alone? If they are a true reflection of the person who speaks them I think it’s an extraordinary start.

What draws you even closer to the opposite sex after they’ve intrigued you? Physical appearance is what can turn our heads or grab our attention initially, as can words, but what keeps our attention after that? Capturing someones interest is the easy part…keeping it is the challenge. We are all unique in what attracts us to the energy of the opposite sex just as we are also roused by different words and actions.

Great conversation stimulates the mind but can too much deep intellectual colloquy start to make you crazy if it’s the only word play you engage in. I don’t want my mind to be so exhausted that my funny bone has fallen asleep. A man that can make me laugh-out-loud woos me just as easily as one who makes me question my beliefs.

Being wooed by the opposite sex can start with a feeling thats origin is unknown. It’s just there, waiting to be touched. It isn’t just physical or mental stimulation. It can start with flirty banter and lead to conversations that make your mind sail with even the slightest breeze.

The root of all attraction is based on a feeling followed by desire, it IS that simple. The only way to expose the chemistry that may lay beneath the surface of words or physical attraction is by standing in front of the object-of-your-desire. It’s either there filling the air that swirls between you or it’s not.

Being authentic is the best way to woo the opposite sex. Not everyone will respond to who you are but when someone does sometimes words are not necessary or enough.

Share

Love & Relationships ~

Relationships show us that every human being is wired differently! Sometimes REALLY differently. I’ve been blessed with relationships in my past; some have taught me what I wanted and others have taught me what I don’t…the basic point of having one in my opinion. Every now and then you get one that changes the way you breathe! It makes ever breath soar. It creates a mood inside each cell of your body that screams “I’M ALIVE”! It makes you want to be a better you having them by your side. Those relationships usually only come around once in our lives, if were lucky we get another one that appears out of the blue that makes our world a better place.

I’ve learned that honesty from the start is the only way to enter into a relationship. My grandmother’s advice was “start out the way you mean to end”. Honesty sometimes comes with a price. Not everyone wants honesty or can handle the truth as Jack Nicholson said to Tom Cruise in the movie ‘A Few Good Men’! Not everyone knows how to process the truth. There is so much dishonesty and adultery in relationships these days that it’s hard to decipher who is telling the truth. I trust until proven otherwise but that too occasionally give your heart a sting that’s hard to forget. We only really know what’s going on in our minds.

I’ve been stung more than once.  It’s not something anyone gets used to…it hurts. We all know the feeling when someone ends a relationship with us. It doesn’t matter if we have been with a partner for 10 years or 6 months it’s still painful. A pang in our heart is like no other feeling. A mild electric sensation gently washes over our entire body, knowing that what we had is ending right before us. Sometimes it’s about communication and things work out. Sometimes there is nothing we can say or do; it is out of our control.

We all think about what it would be like to have someone we love deeply by our side forever. I am not sure I believe in forever anymore. I desperately want to. Sad but true. I want a forever man who won’t give up or walk away because of fear or any other reason. But even me the hopeless romantic that I am has doubt some days about love, as we all do.

When we first meet everything is fresh and alive. Words are spoken from the heart. We feel exhilarated by the thought of the other person being in our presence. We can’t wait to see or hear from them. Anticipation of our next meeting grows. We fall in like which is the base of every important relationship. We wittingly get caught up in the bliss. The fall from like to love is reflected in the eyes of new lovers. There truly is no greater experience than strong, passionate, intimate love for another.

Love is meant to challenge our mind, body and soul. We have to want love more than anything else to make it last. Love is a journey like no other. True love has no boundaries.

Love knows no fear.

 

 

Share

Texting & Text-ation-ships!

Texting can be exciting, the anticipation is stimulating and it can have sexual undertones that keep us hanging on for more. But if you never progress past the text, in all honesty I think it’s for those who just want to keep their options open. Its like wearing a mask or hiding behind a facade of who you really are.

Lets face it texting can be useful when we need to send a message that doesn’t require a long conversation, ask a quick question, send a funny message to a girlfriend, communicate when talking isn’t possible or the occasional flirt! I have to admit I have been caught up in texting on a few occasions with someone of the opposite sex, but to be honest, lose interest in it pretty quick if nothing materializes or it becomes the main source of how you communicate. I love words and think communication is a lost art, it would be like having to edit this post down to 4 lines, it wouldn’t say what I wanted it to in the end. Some might prefer that when I think about it. Texting leaves too much room for interpretation in my opinion, and it’s easily taken the wrong way.

The younger generation uses texting as their main way to communicate which I just don’t get. What I have a problem with is when texting takes the place of a personal conversation with the opposite sex. Texting is nothing like real life. We are missing out on the key ingredients of human interaction; eye contact, pheromones, body language, touching and everything else that goes along with interacting with another human being. It might initially give us courage to say something we might not have otherwise, but what happens when we are finally standing in front of the person we are interested in and we’re used to thinking about our response for a couple of minutes before pressing send? Then what? Or we can say too much and that can lead to an embarrassing encounter later on. It’s not a natural conversation, not to mention texting makes us sound uneducated. “Ur funny!” I can’t say that without sounding like a hillbilly!

I’ve been caught up in the texting thrill, the sparing of words back and forth and admit it was enticing, but it can also feel shallow. It might get the ball rolling, but I like seeing someone think on their feet when I ask something they don’t expect. Spontaneity is the best! I need to see someones eyes when I am speaking to them!

I have a girlfriend whose son has been texting for many years and he said that he likes the pause between texting because he can think about what he wants to say before sending it. Or he can just ignore the text if he doesn’t feel like the conversation…my phone died, broke, left it in my locker/at work/at home/in the car…what text? Do you see where the problem starts to form. You don’t know if and when the person you are sending a message to gets it? It leaves your conversation either unanswered or lost in cyberspace somewhere. So my conclusion, if it’s important face to face is best, if you don’t care when you get a response, text. Talking in person is hand delivering your message and it just doesn’t get any better than that! It’s honest and real.

I think the reason you choose to have a text-ation-ship with someone is because you’re either intimidated, insecure, nervous, lack confidence or you’re really just not that interested in spending real time with them, so you stay afloat in a text-ation-ship until someone worthy of your time crosses your path.

Texting should be thought of as a simple form of communication that has a time and place in our daily lives.

Happy Texting! Don’t text and drive!

Share