Intimacy…

Holding-hands3

Intimacy…the ultimate sexy! Being drawn to someone without control is a feeling that many of us only experience once in a lifetime. It’s a magical force between two who connect on a much deeper level. It’s not just about sexual chemistry, although that too can be very intimate. Pure intimate feelings come from a much deeper place. A touch of the hand while staring into the eyes of someone who sees right inside your soul is intimate. A feeling of belonging together formed from a bond of experiencing the other.

There are two types of intimacy; physical and emotional. Love is intertwined in both. There are also two types of love within intimacy; compassionate and passionate. Compassionate love involves diminished feeling of attachment to the other. It is authentic, committed with profound feelings of caring for the other. Passionate love is identified by infatuation, intense feelings of sexual longing, throes of ecstasy and feelings of exhilaration that fill the room when you are together. To have a combination of both physical and emotional intimacy with passionate love is what most of us are ultimately seeking.

It’s a look across a room filled with people to that one person who turns you inside out and back again. A gaze that is only meant for you. A moment suspended in time. They know exactly what you’re thinking. It’s the magic of an intimate connection.

When we open our heart and expose ourselves making it known we are vulnerable to the other we experience the most profound intimate moments. It can’t be controlled, even if you try. You can walk away physically but your mind won’t allow you to leave the room they’re in. It can be a scary step if you’re not ready to open yourself to its entirety. A risk that many will not allow their heart to explore.

When you fall intimately for another human being they live inside your mind. They change the physiology of your body. They stir your soul. You become enveloped by their energy. They surround you no matter how far their physical form is from yours. They stand next to you inhaling your presence. It’s a powerful sensation that can overwhelm the ordinary.

Intimacy is considered the product of a successful seduction…so sexy!

Tracy~

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Is Marriage Changing?

I am certainly no marriage expert but I do have parents who met when they were 12 so I had two great role models growing up. Does that make my odds better at having a successful marriage? Define successful? I personally think the constitution of marriage needs to bend slightly with the times. (ie same sex marriages) Everyones idea of marriage is quite different.

I don’t think anyone should ever compare their marriage to another. It should really be about what you define marriage to be; romantic, arranged, conventional, convenient, contractual, legal or a verbal commitment. We are all unique and have our own ideas of what marriage should be. For some, marriage doesn’t even have to include love. I personally wouldn’t marry for anything but. If you had nothing except the cloths on your back, would you still be smiling knowing you had him walking along side you on a path to the unknown?

I think if you are even going to consider tying the knot make it loose to start. Tying the knot sounds so restrictive. In my opinion you should be able to walk independent of the other, side by side, not smothering one another. Let each other breathe, allow room for each of you to unfolding and grow, every now and then distance yourselves to miss one another.

Lawmakers in Mexico City are proposing a new marriage licence that would allow couples to split after a two-year trial rather than go through a lengthier divorce process. No more ’till death to us part’, quite frankly the odds are against you when you take this leap of faith to begin with. A life sentence? Yup that’s right the same man for the r-e-s-t of your life. (insert w-o-m-a-n if it makes you feel better) If you’re not madly passionately lustfully in love, I say don’t do it!

A brief two year commitment would be a way of testing out married life. If however you decide before the two years are up, you have to file and go through regular divorce proceedings. Isn’t that what living together is? Marriage is not for everyone, people change which simply can’t be predicted.

Do you really need a piece of paper to be in a committed union? It’s just a piece of paper… if it’s just a piece of paper why not do it? Again it’s what you’re okay with, not what everyone ‘thinks’ is acceptable.

Lots of women compare their marriage with their friends, which to me is a big mistake. It is just another way of keeping up with the Joneses. Comparing your marriage with anyone else is a recipe for disappointment. It’s almost as bad as comparing your sex life. Expectations should be thrown out the window with obligations put on us from past relationships, generations and social behaviours.

Marriage and relationships are about compromise and redefining what it means to you as you grow and unfold. Marriage doesn’t always last forever but if you enter into it loving passionately with an open heart it will be a life experience that can last forever.

 

 

 

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Other Peoples Relationships; Can You Relate?

I guess I better start this with “my relationship with my husband is better than ever” just in case some of you jump to conclusions and then don’t continue reading.

I don’t know if it is something that happens to more women our age or maybe it’s always been happening and I had just been too busy with my own failing relationships before to notice it, but right now I know a lot of women my age who are unhappy in their relationships with their husband/partner.

This makes me sad.  I want everyone to be happy.  Especially when I’m happy.  When I’m miserable I’m ok with everyone else being miserable too, in fact I prefer it that way.  Kidding…kind of.

I always hope I’m saying the right thing when a friend confides her marriage/relationship woes to me. The advice I go back to again and again is pretty basic.  Everyone deserves to be happy.  Find a way to be happy.  With ‘em or without ‘em just be happy.  I don’t like to see people waste years and years being unhappy.  Strive for the happy!

That advice may be a little too basic for some.  More.com recently listed 10 books on relationships.  Sometimes you need to read about other people’s relationships before coming face to face with your own. Good idea, I say!

Ever wonder what the future holds for your marriage? Journalist Maggie Scarf interviews numerous couples between the ages of 50 and 75 in this well researched study.

The troubles of 5 couples are brought to life by Abraham in this close look at couples therapy, making this an important book on the institute of modern marriage.

How does one handle the shell shock of divorce? For Morrison, the answer was to keep moving. You’ll sympathize with her honest musings on learning how to fall out of love, a demanding career, and caring for her young son.

Commitment-phobe Gilbert waxes on about domesticity with Brazilian beau, Felipe, while simultaneously researching the history of marriage and divorce.

After spending a year cooking with Julia, Powell takes an apprenticeship with a butcher shop. Tales of her adult sex life are interwoven with detailed reports of her time spent with the chopping block.

He said, she said; most books that follow this format can weigh on one’s patience. But in the case of Carbone and Decker’s tale of fertility clinics, miscarriages, and near-divorce spats, hearing both sides of the story humanizes their anger.

Braestrup, an ordained minister, clues us into the secrets she’s learned from years of counseling couples. Here, she shows us the true meaning of love, and in some cases, how to find it.

In throes of midlife, Gideon humorously wonders, “is this all there is?” A quick, enjoyable read for women dealing with children, dogs, and yes, husbands.

Before she felt bad about her neck, Ephron was feeling the pangs of a cheating husband. A thinly veiled version of her own marriage’s demise, Ephron’s biggest quip (and perhaps her funniest) is that at 7 months pregnant, she can’t date.

After struggling with infertility for years, Cohen finds herself unexpectedly pregnant at 44. With a daughter and fiance in tow, Cohen questions her ability to bring a baby into the world.

Disclaimer: I have not yet read any of the above so I will default to my usual…just find your happiness.  Whatever it takes, be happy.  That means you too Sandra Bullock!

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Swingers ~ Let’s Get This Party Started ~

TracyI’ve written a few posts that some of you might not think have suitable content, but I have an open mind and find most topics interesting, inspiring and worthy of a conversation. I would love to see how “attack of the Redneck Mommy” would address this topic, she’s authentic, hilarious and completely UNPLUGGED!  Her voice is unedited and she embraces it!  Pure confidence to let it roll as she does.  I completely admire her honesty.  It’s pretty basic for me, if someone is doing it, I am curious as to why.  If you are uncomfortable with the topic of Sex or Swingers, now would be the time to “blog off”.  But for those of you with a gaping wide open mind and the same curiosity that killed the cat this is for you!  A little taboo education of what is going on in a suburb or resort near you.  ( insert Cheshire cat grin here :))

We the Tara Team recently gave our collaborative opinion on Polyamorous Relationships, could we ever imagine ourselves in one?  I had never heard of them before we posted about it.  I know, I can’t believe it, how did that one slip by my radar!  Great snag Bonnie!  Now I have been educated on what they are, have formed my own opinion, and can confidently join in a conversation about Polyamory.  I find all human behavior interesting, especially those of a taboo nature.

If your questioning why I would write about Swingers and I know some of you are I follow a list of what makes a good blog topic:  Write something; useful, unique, newsworthy, first, that makes the reader smarter, controversial, insightful, that taps into a fear people have, that helps people achieve, that elicits a response, that gives a sense of belonging, passionately, inspirational, that solves a problem, that gets a laugh, opinionated, about something cool, saves people money or time, that tells a story and that interprets or translates news for people. Not that I have to justify my topic choice or anything, Wednesday and Friday are my days to write about whatever floats my boat!

R(small)-01While researching Polyamory I found that most people confuse Swingers with Polyamorous relationships.  There is a difference. The primary emphasis of Poly is loving relationships with more than one other partner.  The primary emphasis of Swingers is casual, non emotional sex.  In reality, there is a large overlap between the two.  Swingers find most Poly conversations to focused on relationships.  Poly’s find the conversations of Swingers too forward, too aggressive and more sexually explicit oriented for comfort.  Also it seems many poly’s are seeking bisexual relationships and Swingers are more heterosexual couples looking for other heterosexual couples. I was told by the same girlfriend who gave me explicit details of the  Brazilian Wax that the area or suburb in which I live is a large “swinging” community.  (not sure how she knew that tee hee, I’m kidding, I love her for her lack of filter, honesty, curiosity and she gives good post ideas !)

swingers

Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple.  I have to go on record and say I disagree, I am not sure swinging is in anyway similar to lets say book clubs, wine tasting or cooking for couples.  (I’m just sayin)  The phenomenon of swinging may be seen as part of the sexual revolution of recent decades, which happened after the upsurge in sexual activity made possible by the safer sex practices during the same period.  Swinging has also been called wife swapping in the past, but this term has been criticized as ‘androcentric’ (taking a male-oriented point of view) and inaccurately describing the full range of sexual activities in which swingers may take part.

Swinging activities may include (but are not limited to):

  • Soft swinging: having sexual intercourse with a partner while two or more other people perform sex acts in the immediate vicinity.
  • Soft swap: having oral sex with someone other than one’s partner. Often a type of swinging that new couples choose before eventually trying full swap, although many couples stay “soft swap” for personal or safety related reasons.
  • Full swap: having penetrative sex with someone other than one’s partner. Although this is the commonly understood definition of swinging, it is not necessarily the most common type.
  • Group sex: An all-inclusive term for activities involving multiple partners in the same vicinity.

Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sexual activity with another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual.  These acts can occur in the same room (called same room swinging) though different or separate room swinging does occur. On these occasions, swingers will often refer to sex as play and sex partners as playmates.  I won’t be asking if anyone can come out to play anymore. (yikes)  Occasionally, one party of a couple will not be interested in joining the swinging lifestyle.  This party is typically referred to as the “hold-out” while the other party is referred to as the “desirous party”.

Here is a little History~

Swinging dates back as far as the 16th century when a formal arrangement was signed whereby conjugal relations would be shared between the men and their spouses.  In the 17th century temporary spouse-trading was commonly advocated and practised among occultist, particularly alchemists in Europe. While contemporary swingers look to earlier practices, such as ancient Roman acceptance of orgies and alternative sexual practices, swinging in the 20th century began differently.

According to Terry Gould’s Book The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers , swinging began among United States Army Air Force pilots and their wives during World War II. The mortality rate of pilots was high. Gould reports that a close bond arose between pilots, with the implication that husbands would care for all the wives as their own, emotionally and sexually, if the husbands were away or lost (thus bearing some similarity to levirate marriage, in which a woman is required to marry her deceased husband’s brother).  Though the beginnings are not agreed upon, it is assumed swinging began among American military communities in the 1950s. By the time the Korean War ended, swinging had spread from the military to the suburbs. The media dubbed the phenomenon wife-swapping.

Nightline ABC News with Martin Bashir ~ Reporting John Berman~

I will leave you with that to contemplate, form your own opinion, book your flight to Los Cabos or perhaps enlightened a little with what others are doing around you that you may not have been aware of.  And although it doesn’t fit in to the  lifestyle I am searching for, being a hopeless romantic, I never judge.  Freedom of speech is something I am grateful for !

Peace out !

Tracy signiture

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