What To Do When Your Girlfriend Dumps You~

tracy-pic3Have you ever been dumped by your Girlfriend? I think it would be worse than being dumped by your boyfriend but that’s just me. I have never been dumped by a girlfriend, that I was aware of. Girlfriend tend to drift apart depending on what’s going on in our lives, but the real ones are always there no matter how much time has passed since you saw them last. I am so lucky to have girlfriends like that!

I am fortunate that my close girlfriends are very understanding and independent, we have known one another for a long time, so we just get each other. I don’t think I have ever done anything that would be classified as dump worthy, at least nothing that is morally wrong or value based. Every women who has blood flowing through their veins has “questionable moments”, it’s our hormones and personality quirks that cause us to be a difficult friend at times. I strive to be a better friend and the girlfriends I do have make me want to be a better person.

When I first started this post I said I had never been dumped by a girlfriend, but in the time it took to publish (couple of weeks) I found out I had been dumped by a long time friend. We only kept in touch through Facebook but I was happy we at least had that. Facebook allows you to continue friendships that would otherwise be lost because of distance or our busy lives. After wishing her husband, one of the greatest guys I know, Happy Birthday on Christmas Eve, and not getting to talk to her, I logged into Facebook to reconnected again…she deleted me as her friend! I was shocked, especially after just writing this post days before. I don’t know what I did, perhaps she was just “cleaning house” with everyone she doesn’t see on a regular basis, I too have been guilty of that. Regardless of the reason, it made me feel like I had lost a part of my past, an important one to me. When someone consciously deletes you from their life, no matter whether it’s a male or female, in person or online, it doesn’t feel good.  So there you have it, I have been dumped by a girlfriend, on Christmas Eve no less, someone I felt was a part of my circle. I still love her husband though, and will continue to call him on his birthday!

Here’s what I found online~ According to Irene S Levin, PhD, author of Best friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, the romanticized notion that best friends are forever is a myth. She says being ditched by a close girlfriend can be incredibly painful, especially when you had no idea you were going to be dumped. Here’s how Irene would navigate this difficult situation:

Put the breaks on your reaction, first off, step back and really think things through, because reacting out of anger or hurt could make the situation even worse. One of the most important things to consider is whether you actually want to salvage this friendship. “Use this as an opportunity for assessment. Are you just hurt because your once-friend dumped you or because it is truly a friendship that you valued?” says Levin.

If you want to save the friendship you’ll need to summon up the courage to talk and be the one to extend the olive branch. Until you do talk, you have no idea of what is really going on. Levin says that women often fall into the trap of assuming that they know what their friend is thinking, although that may be completely erroneous.

Be prepared to accept responsibility if you did do something wrong. “You may have disappointed your friend or betrayed her trust. Whatever the case, don’t be too stubborn to be the first to apologize or forgive. Admitting your own blame may open the door for her to assume her share of responsibility for the misunderstanding,” says Levin.
If however, your ex-friend is not interested in trying to fix what went wrong, you need to respect the boundaries they have set.  It may have less to do with you than with other things going on in her life.

So how can you get over the loss if the friendship is truly over, feeling heartbroken is a normal reaction.  Levin says that there are stages of grief that women characteristically go through after the loss of a friend: These include: shock and denial, loss, self-blame, embarrassment and shame, anger, and finally, acceptance and sometimes relief.

Grow from the experience, once the shock has worn off, look back and see what you got out of the friendship. There may be many great things that you learned from being her friend, or perhaps not.  Ending a friendship that isn’t working leaves you more time for more satisfying ones.

My girlfriends are one of the best parts of my life!

To my circle of girlfriends~ I love you !

Tracy signiture

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Is Santa Claus Real?

Tracy“Is Santa Real?” Here’s a question all parents are hearing as we count down from weeks to days before the most exciting day of the year for a lot of children around the world.  I have an 11 year old son and a 8 year old daughter who have obviously been talking about Santa as the excitement builds with Christmas morning arriving soon.

I still remember the the Christmas Eve my cousin Sherene was in my room looking out my window in hopes of seeing Santa Claus.  She was much older and I had a hard time sleeping, as most kids do on Christmas Eve.  Santa was en route so how could anyone sleep.  All kids wish deep down that they might actually get a glimpse of Santa each year coming down the chimney and so we try our hardest to keep our little peepers open as long as we can.  Sherene was looking out my window when all of a sudden she exclaimed “DO YOU SEE HIM, DO YOU SEE HIM!!” her eyes bulge open like saucers as she pointed into the sky way off into the horizon.  I squinted with all my might and there he was Santa Claus being pulled in his sleigh by his 8 reindeer!  I still remember the excitement that filled my entire being.  Ahhh to be 7 again…pure magic!

SantaSleigh

My son asked me years ago if I believed in Santa and I told him my story once again.  He smiles each time and I can tell by the look in his eyes he is swept up in the magic and spirit of Christmas.  This year he asked me again, knowing what I was going to say ” If you don’t believe you don’t receive”.  That wasn’t quite enough for him this year, he took it one step further as I thought he might at 11.  He tried to put it back on me.  He said okay Mom but when I have kids and they wake up really excited Christmas morning and you didn’t tell me it was you and there is nothing left for them under the tree it will be your fault!!  I  assured him there would be gifts under his tree for his little ones.  He told me then that he too believed in the “Spirit of Christmas”. My 8 year old daughter on the other hand put it like this,  she looked me straight in the eyes and said ” Are you Santa, not waiting for a response she carried on, cause if you are that would be really really disappointing” and she walked away.

If you have kids who are questioning the spirit of Christmas you need to watch “The Polar Express” , it will set everyone straight!  When either of my kids ask me if I believe and I expect it to happen each year I take a moment and remember back the night I saw Santa in his sleigh with his reindeer in the horizon and I tell them that I believe because I saw him with my own two eyes.  I was one of the lucky ones, and I know I am not alone.  Christmas is about giving so this year make sure you do your share of giving to others in the Spirit of Christmas!

If you would like to track Santa this Christmas visit “Norad Track Santa” there are lots of fun things for kids to explore on this site!  Another great site for kids is NorthPole.com.  And if you want to find out if your on Santa’s Naughty or Nice list check out Santa’s Nice-o-Meter.

Happy Holiday’s Everyone !!

Tracy signiture

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