New Rule


I’ve been reading Bill Maher’s book The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head up Their Ass and its has had me laughing out loud more than once. Bill cracks me up.

The book is a compilation of the New Rule bit he does on his show Real Time with Bill Maher. Many I recognize from the show but they are still funny the second time plus he has included a bunch of new ones too. He warns you they are “new” by adding this icon at the front of each new segment:

Here’s one for you Bill. New Rule: Don’t put the tacky “new” icon in front of your new stuff. It’s already new to me when I read it for the first time and guess what; some of your other bits that don’t have the “new” icon are still “new” to me because I must have missed that episode.

The problem with reading this book is that your internal thoughts all begin with the words New Rule. Like yesterday as I was biking to town with my son I was thinking to myself  New Rule: Never wear short cotton butt-munching shorts instead of proper bike-riding shorts when you ride a bike – ever again! And New Rule: Don’t agree to ride a bike to town at noon in the middle of July when the temperature is in the mid 30’s and then actually think you have a chance in hell of keeping up to a twenty three year old.

Oh, it went on all day. New Rule: If you decide to have a bowl of lentil and bean soup, don’t expect to be able to do anything afterwards but moan on the couch while your stomach blows up to third tri-semester proportions. New Rule: Never eat lentil and bean soup again.

Ok, here are a couple of Bills New Rules from his book. I especially like how he (or his writers) title each one.

Webby Downer

New Rule: Now that social network Google + has arrived expressly to try to destroy Facebook and Twitter the way Facebook and Twitter blew away MySpace right after MySpace obliterated Friendster…the Internet must admit that it doesn’t really understand the concept of “friendship”.

Incensed

New Rule: You’re not allowed to be shocked that breathing smoke might be bad for you. A new study shows that frequently burning incense might cause cancer. What – did you think you were protected by some kind of magic hippie force field? It comes down to what I always say – if you’re going to burn something and then inhale it, it might as well get you high.

Hybe Casting

New Rule: Now that all news on CNN and Fox News, no matter how old, is being billed as “breaking news” or “happening now,” news that actually is breaking and/or happening now must get its own graphic that says, “No, seriously, guys, we’re not fucking around this time, this is actually happening now.”

Anyway, you get the picture. It’s funny and crass and typical Bill Maher and that’s why I’m enjoying it so much, but New Rule: As soon as you put down Maher’s New Rule book you have to immediately read something else so you don’t think in New Rules all day long…or not.

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Common Side Effects May Include…

Pharmaceutical companies spend an estimated $5 billion on drug ads aimed at consumers. Back in 1997, the Food and Drug Administration in the US  began allowing these companies to market their drugs directly to consumers.  (I find it interesting that the FDA also receives funding from the drug companies to review new medications fast and get them to market quickly.) Today you cannot watch tv, listen to the radio, or even read a magazine without being bombarded with drug commercials.  Lawyers and fast food restaurants move over – billboard space is next.

The ads make lofty claims.  You will become a better lover, live a happy-ever-after life, and even go for hours without having to run to the bathroom – awesome.

But it’s not all glitter and gloss.  The drug company must list the possible side effects.  The list isn’t really there to help educate you on all the risks. No, it’s there in case of a possible lawsuit when they can say, told you so, after one entire side of your body loses feeling and droops, your vision blurs, your tongue turns blue and your throat swells shut.

Here is a shortened list for the drug Abilify, which is being promoted as an add-on drug to treat depression.

“An increased risk of stroke and mini-stroke…very high fever, rigid muscles, shaking, confusion, sweating, or increased heart rate and blood pressure…(neuroleptic malignant syndrome (NMS), a rare but serious side effect which could be fatal)…uncontrollable movements of face, tongue, or other parts of body as these may be signs of a serious condition called tardive dyskinesia (TD)…Increases in blood sugar levels (hyperglycemia), in some cases serious and associated with coma or death…Light headedness or faintness caused by a sudden change in heart rate and blood pressure when rising quickly from a sitting or lying position…Decreases in white blood cells (infection fighting cells)…ABILIFY and medicines like it can affect your judgment, thinking, or motor skills…Medicines like ABILIFY® (aripiprazole) can impact your body’s ability to reduce body temperature; you should avoid overheating and dehydration…ABILIFY and medicines like it have been associated with swallowing problems (dysphagia)…”

Scary stuff right? Apparently – not so much.  Maybe it’s just too much information. Most people believe the positive claims and seem to ignore the rest. Side effects won’t affect me.  Maybe it’s because the commentator reads off the list of risks in a lowered voice at lightening speed while our eyes glaze over and we stop listening.  Or maybe it’s because people want the quick fix and to hell with the rest.  Just give me my happy pill! Consumers (that’s us) are rushing to their doctors for prescriptions to treat diseases they never knew they had before watching cable tv.

Forget Abilify. You know what else has been proven to greatly decrease depression?  Exercise!  Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you.  (I stole that from Bill Maher)


Stop the madness!

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The Truth Shall Set You Free…

I didn’t get where I am today which is a pretty sweet place in life without a whole lot of honesty. It wasn’t always easy but looking back worth it. Honesty and truth always get you further than dishonesty. Avoiding the truth is just the same as a lie. I am the chic who crosses the boarder with a guilty look on her face because she didn’t declare the gum she’s chewing. Take note; I’m not the one you want to go cross boarder shopping with if you wear everything back you bought because you’re way over your limit!

I’ve never been good at lying. I am not sure if it started as a child with a Mom who always seemed to know if I was even inching towards a lie or if it’s the relatively good clean conscience I was born with. Lies usually catch up with you in time…usually 🙂 To be clear I am not in any way shape or form saying I haven’t had a whopper roll out of my mouth from time to time, I am human after all. I don’t see the point unless you’re saving the feelings of someone you care about, then I say indulge in a white one. That can be a slippery slope so be careful.

I have fudge the truth, un-exaggerate it from time to time but when it is really important and involved the lives of others I try my hardest to be as honest as I can. The truth can hurt and it’s hard to say in some circumstances but at least everyone involved can then decide themselves what to do with the truth they’re presented with. It’s an unselfish way to live. I was joking with a male friend of mine recently telling him he was so inappropriate but somehow pulled it off and his reply was ~“honesty is not always appropriate” and “appropriate can be a huge waste of precious time” I agree and love his attitude, always have always will! Say it out loud and hope for the best…well hope it goes how you would like it. There are also times in life when it’s best to hide the truth in a really good spot and just let it percolate for a while. Life doesn’t alway work out the way we plan but at least if you speak the truth no one can fault you for it.

There may be a few bumps in the road, mountains even, some worth climbing others might be a little further than you are willing to go. What we do with the truth is a personal choice when it’s presented to us. Fight or flight? I’ve teetered on the edge many times in regard to both.

When someone give you the truth they are giving you the ball to either run with or pass back. You are handed the paddle of power, not over them but to empower yourself with choice. The question is what do you want to do with it? It’s no longer about them or what they have done or not done, it’s what you want to do with the information they gave you. The truth is a gift in my opinion. Although it is not always seen as one initially in time the truth is always a gift if it’s looked at in the light of a new day.

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you…I do…most of the time! (unless you ask me if your ass looks fat in those pants, then you’re getting the little white lie…assuming you’re asking because it is)

The truth shall set you free…or it could put your sorry ass in jail, or get you a slap across the face…you decide!  🙂

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