Pro’s to Being Attached ~ (part two)

Two weeks ago I shared my list of some Pro’s to Being Single. Ask a young single male what’s on his list, and I’m certain it would grow ten fold. Ask a man who is afraid of commitment and the list, which is no doubt written in stone, takes on a life of its own. Ask someone who lost a love and yet another view. Married, Single, Divorced, Separated, Unavailable, Chicken we all have different lists. We all have Pro’s and Con’s depending where we are in life, what we want, need, or are ready for. We go from being single to attached when we meet someone we don’t want to be without and vice-versa!

Pro’s to Being Attached ~

  • Butterflies escape each time your thoughts go to the man you fiercely desire ~
  • You have a smile on your face that whispers “I have a secret” that comes from deep inside your soul ~
  • When you lock the door, it’s just you, him and passion bouncing off the walls, ceiling and floor ~
  • Music fills the air regardless if the stereo is on ~
  • Your heart races, feeling like it’s going to beat right out of your chest when you hear his sexy voice ~
  • Your desire to be naked outweighs your common sense *wink* ~
  • Travel and life experience is enriched when you are together ~
  • You rush home when you have GREAT News to share ~
  • The messy bed is a reminder of what you have, just had, are going to have & want more of ~
  • When you slip between the sheets his essence is still there, because he is ~
  • You subconsciously inhaling deeply when he enters the room darting straight to his neck, scent is intoxicating ~
  • You cook together, teasing one another…dinner goes cold more often than not ~
  • You wake up in the middle of the night with his arms wrapped around you feeling safe and loved ~
  • You can lay in bed talking to the wee hours of the morning face to face, or spoon in silence ~
  • He loves when you are right out of the shower, fresh and natural ~
  • You yearn to be in his presence, he embraces you for all you are ~
  • He loves your new tattoo, because he loves you ~
  • He wants to kiss you Good-night, Good-afternoon & Good-morning ~
  • He makes the BEST morning coffee that has ever touched your lips ~
  • Your family becomes his and his becomes yours ~
  • You have a go-to-guy when you need one ~
  • You have a male best friend…not to be mistaken for a girlfriend ~
  • When you go out with the girls, he’s there keeping the bed warm ~
  • Sex, sex, sex that leads somewhere magical ~
  • Intimacy ~
  • Lust and Love are experienced together, growing deeper with time ~
  • You have a man to grow old with, share life with, unfold with ~
  • You can look into his eyes from across the room knowing he’s yours later ~
  • (Insert record scratching sound here)…and then he says something that totally pisses you off and it’s like some total hottie came by and fertilized the crap out of the grass on the ‘other-side’ making it greener than you have EVER seen before…and the ‘other’ list grows…the End ~
  • Sorry I couldn’t resist! My only advice if you’re thinking of making a list…use pencil!
  • Btw the grass is NOT always greener on the ‘other-side’ but it is greener where you fertilize it…just sayin ~

It’s wonderful when you meet the right person and commit to them with mind, body and spirit, the hard part is finding the right person. When you do you don’t need a list.

Life is Meant to Be Shared...eventually when the time and person is right ~

 

 

 

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Inspiration is All Around Us!

I was inspired by Bonnie and John while visiting them in Vernon last week. It’s so obvious when you’re in their presence that they’re still so in-love. I found myself smiling each time I caught them having a moment. It’s awesome to see your best friend happily married to a great man that you absolutely love! They are definitely not edging towards a statistic in their marriage. You can see in their eyes that they appreciate the time they have together. Seizing moments and making each one count. Love is inspiring!

l am inspired by a friend of mine Ryan. I posted about his blog a couple of times when he took an adventure to Africa to become a Safari Guide. Ryan in Africa. He lives life on the edge…his edge, which is much different from everyone else’s! He has such a thirst for life that never quite gets quenched. He’s definitely living while he’s alive! When you’re in his company you can’t help but want to touch him in hopes that his infectious attitude rubs off on you, even just a little bit! He said he “lives life with no fear, apologizes for nothing, doesn’t regret his mistakes, learns from them because sometimes his mistakes produce the best results!” That’s inspiring! Love the man and can’t wait to see where his next adventure takes him. Ryan inspires me!

I am inspired by my friend Kirk who I admire for leaving a great career in special effects in the film industry for music. He followed his passion for music making a career out of it. Sound Lounge Productions a recording studio was born from Kirk following his dream. He took a chance in life that not many would have had the courage to do. Kirk spends his day with creative souls who also have a dream that he helps them reach, how sweet is that! Check out Kirks band SWANK, you’ll love them! He is living proof that if you believe in yourself, work hard and do what you love…they will come! Kirk inspires me continually! He was kind enough to take time out of his busy day to show my kids and I around his studio, it was awesome! His tools are drums, guitars and lots of fun buttons how fun is that! You choice is looking good on ya Kirk! Thank you for the music lesson we loved it immensely! Following your dream is inspiring!

So if you take the time to open your eyes there truly is inspiration all around you! These are just a few things that caught my eye last week. Inspiration comes in so many different forms…what inspires you? Care to share some inspiration with us? Inspiration moves us in the right direction…

I saw this posted on Facebook. It basically summed it up for me and although you may have seen it, it is something you couldn’t possibly read too many times.

Svaha ~

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Friendship…to the Tenth Degree!

Bonnie’s post Confessions of a Killer, her being the killer, made me laugh and think about our friendship. Since Bonnie selected the word Friendship when she created this months header I thought I would relate at least one post this month to just that…Friendship! (beautiful header by the way Bon) My Red Flags post will have to wait until next Wednesday! 🙂

Bonnie’s post reminded me that I know EVERYTHING about her. The flip side of that, she knows EVERYTHING about me. There are no secrets! I react to spiders like Bonnie reacts to cockroaches. I’ve said to her son James that if he ever does something questionable and gets the stink eye for it, I would tell him a story or two about what she did that I am sure would equal what he might have done. Yes, he’s a boy and boys usually take things a step further but I can recall a time or two when Bonnie behaved like a boy! (giggle) This is where is gets tricky, I was probably with her when she did, doing the same thing, with a huge smile on my face to boot! We’ve lead one another astray on many occasions in our friendship! *wink*

I understand the cockroach fear and think I may have been the reason it became embedded into her psyche. Back in ’83, we lived in Australia for 6 months, it was 4o+ degrees 80% humidity. We had to sleep with all the window closed because there were no screens. The cockroaches in Australia can be 3-4 inches long. There were so many skittering on the street late at night it was hard to avoid stepping on them. They made a crunch sound if you did which still makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. Somehow they entered our room even though we shoved towels under the doors, we woke up in a sweat every morning because of it!

One day Bonnie entered the room and she had the Grand-daddy of all roaches on her chest, the look on my face said it all and she reacted by running at me screaming “GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!” At the time she thought it was a Huntsman spider which were the size of your hand splayed out! I freaked out and ran away from her screaming and locked myself in the bathroom letting her fend for herself…she banged on the door for quite awhile! lol I am still sorry about that, but can’t help but giggle at the thought of the look on her face!

This post is about friendship…no really! It’s about give and take. And forgiveness! Mostly forgiveness! And Karma, we can’t forget Karma, it can apparently follow you for 20 years or more! I agree that might not have been a best friend kind of thing to do, but you need to know that I’ve never told any of Bonnie’s secrets. And I have a brain full of them!

Each year we visit Bonnie and John and before I arrive Bonnie sprays the cottage we stay in with spider spray so I can sleep at night! My Karma finally arrived, 20 years later. We went out on the boat and no exaggeration a million spiders came climbing over the edge of the boat to MY seat like it was a James Bond Movie Trailer. If you listened closely I think you could actually hear the theme song playing in the background! I think they were all packing heat if my memory serves me right! Bonnie didn’t jump over board like I almost did, she stepped TOWARDS me and helped swat them off while I literally freaked out jumping up and down like I was being electrocuted. They were climbing up my legs and I could feel them in my hair, and we all know I have a head of hair you don’t want to lose a spider in! She mention later she wished she had video taped the episode so she could post it on YouTube. The perrrfect friend in my eyes! The next night on the doc watching shooting stars and comets, you could only see my eyes and nose through my draw string hoodie, she was in flip flops without a care in the world…my hero! She told me I was missing a life experience because of my fear. Yep!

Friendship is about making sure you’re with your best friend when they do something questionable so that when you do something questionable they have no choice but keep your secret! And if you can still be friends after 35 years, you don’t have to worry about who did more questionable things, because you can’t remember. Sweeeet!

All joking aside, each year I am grateful for the time I get to spend with Bonnie, the confessed killer of small helpless things. I watch and learn and somehow magically or through osmosis her strength rubs off on me making me feel empowered. She is one of the most incredible women I have had the pleasure of knowing. She loves unconditionally, without judgement. She is one of a kind and I love her for who she was and who she has become. She has taught me so much about life and love, neither of which would be the same without her. Just the thought of her makes me smile…and then giggle!

I promise if at any point in the future a cockroach skitters anywhere on or near your body I will step TOWARDS you and start swatting! Love you Bon! xo

This is classic stink eye for those of you who are not familiar with the term. (you gotta love photo booth on Mac)

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The Making of a Girlfriend ~

I have been watching the dynamics of my daughter and her girlfriends lately and it’s made me aware once again how difficult it can be finding the right group of girlfriends, as a young girl or as a grown woman. There are so many insecurities in girls and women. I think some girls never lose these insecurities even as they evolve into young woman. I believe if we are aware, we can change that.

Young girls don’t yet have the tools to navigate friendship, mostly because they haven’t experienced much as a girlfriend. Girls learn pretty quick what they don’t want when it comes to friendship. They gauge every situation on how it feel, which is a good start, trusting your instinct, but there is a lot to learn as a female in the world of friendship dynamics.

Some girls are confident by nature, but there are those who aren’t who bring down their friends in order to feel better about themselves. As a young girl we don’t understand that but realize as we grow and evolve its life. Jealousy is a big part of why girls knock their friends down as apposed to lifting them up. Jealousy is a horrible emotion that is a sign of insecurity not one of love. We need to build up the confidence of our precious little girls so that they have a chance at being a best friend one day. I learned that if you surround yourself with confident positive friends you will always leave their presence feeling just that, confident and positive. I love my girlfriends, each and every one of them for giving me that unique gift of friendship.

One of my daughters teachers told me that there is already a lot of ‘girl gossip’ going on which doesn’t surprise me. I am a Mom who stands outside my daughters class twice a day and I see what’s going on with attitude and simple facial expressions they trade back and forth. Girl gossip or drama what ever you want to call it, can be hard for some girls to navigate away from, my daughter seems able to so far. I worry more about her than my son because girls just generally seem to be programmed to gossip. Girl gossip lead me to more friendships with our male counterpart growing up, now I have a healthy combination of both! Life is too short to spend a single moment with those who uninspired you.

As a young girl I had lots of different friends from different groups. I attended different schools and played sports which added to my circle. I loved the variety, no judging, just accepting everyone for who they were. It was comforting to know you had friends everywhere.

Girls navigate through their friendships with fear, they are naive and need to learn what it is to be a good friend. My daughters come home with hurt feelings because of others and it’s hard to just stand by and watch, but necessary for her to learn what she wants in a friend so she can be a good friend too. I am confident one day she will surround herself with great friends that will stand the test of time. She will learn that those who put her down or bring negative attention to her efforts will not be standing at her side in years to come, but she will learn from them what she didn’t want in a friendship.

Friends come and go and if your lucky you find a Best friend who will stand by your side throughout your life like I have with Bonnie. I think you need to earn the status ‘Best friend’ though and it comes with time and experience of being a good friend, eventually evolving into a Best friend.

So my advice to young girls is be kind to your girlfriends and they will give you unconditional love forever. With real friendship you feel safe, supported and completely yourself and with that you can do anything!! 

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Dating Etiquette

datingI’ve been thinking of dating and came across some tips online for those of us who have been out of it for awhile.  Scott and I have been giving each other pointers on what is acceptable and what might not be when you start to date someone ‘new’.  I use the term ‘new’ loosely because I visualize the person I want to date as being anything but ‘new’.  New is shiny and clean and something you don’t want to touch because you might leave finger prints.  I am thinking more along the lines of disheveled, (not dirty) someone who looks like they’ve had some life experience, needs a challenge, has been around the block before and knows all the good places for fun and adventure.

When Scott and I are hanging out which is pretty much all the time because we are best friends, we comment on what the other person has just done that might be frowned upon by someone else.  We all know that after being with someone for 17 odd years your comfort levels start to slide just a tad!  At some point we either ignore the obvious or we just don’t care anymore and have become accepting or relaxed about our partners habits or questionable behavior.  A few examples are flatulence, personal hygiene and wardrobe selection.  Guilty, guilty, guilty!

When you put yourself out there again for the first time isn’t it just better to start out the way you mean to end?  I think it’s going to be hard to adjust my attitude and become aware that my date isn’t going to ‘get me’ or understand me right off the bat.  It takes time to really get to know someone ‘new’ and there are tons of bumps in the road throughout that process.  History with someone has comfort.  But that magical feeling of not knowing what is swirling around in the mind of ‘new’ and what comes next is the flip side of the coin.  If you could keep some of the unknown in a relationship with history, well now you’ve got something !

Now, if we are talking about Scott, he has no filter and is who he is, so I am not sure he is even going to try to adjust any kind of attitude.  I am starting to get on board with his thinking, it might be the only way to go.  Take me or leave me, it makes no difference to me.  Now that might be misconstrued as an attitude of not caring when in fact it’s just being real.

Online Dating tips: (I’ve added my own comments at the end.)

1) Promptness ~ don’t leave your date waiting, nobody likes to wait for anyone, it’s rude!

2) Smoking ~  Don’t, if you don’t care if your here in 10 years why should anyone else?

3) Make an effort to be clean and smell good ~ Scott just read over my shoulder and gave me a pointer “Tracy you stink” it came with ‘the look’, you know the one, the ‘you stink’ look.  In my defense we just got back from a 10K run, point taken, I should go shower and then resume my writing.  Horry (that’s sorry in Spanish lol) take me or leave me, I’m writing and don’t like to be interrupted when I am on a roll. (Comfort level slide example)

4) Truth ~ flip side, if you don’t want to hear it, don’t ask.

5) Never pretend to be single when you’re not. ~ come on, who hasn’t played ‘pretend I’m single‘ just once?

Here are my Dating tips:Kissing Date

1) Show up with a good attitude ready for anything.

2) Be prepared for kissing, that means floss the steak out of your teeth from the night before, gargle,brush your tongue, there is nothing worse than bad breath!

3) Who cares if he is not ‘the one’ maybe he’s fun, so get that thought out of your pretty little head that your looking for a husband and you will be guaranteed a better time!

4) If you want to sleep with him, your choice! Be safe!  But be prepared NOT to meet his mom!

5) Have absolutely no expectations, enjoy him for who he is.  It might only last two weeks but it could be two of the best two weeks of your life, so expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed!

6) Flirt!  Otherwise known as a compliment (if you mean it) Enjoy the flirty sexual chemistry.   It rarely lasts!

7) Leave something for next time, or there won’t need to be one!

8) Be yourself!  And let him be himself!  The all time biggest mistake women make in my opinion is to try to change the man they start out with.

Dating should be a blast!  Who really cares if your not the perfect match.  Nobody is so stop trying to find perfect.  And if it doesn’t work out maybe you found a good friend, a Best friend even!  To hang out with your best friend at the end of the day, isn’t that what we are all looking for?  Just go with it  and have fun!Tracy

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What Makes You Feel Grounded

Bonnie Johnson's PostI think it is really important to ones well-being to feel grounded.  If you do not feel grounded then you feel out of balance, stressed, harried and scattered.

When I was in my twenties and early thirties I often felt like I was ungrounded.  Life just managed to pull me in too many directions at once.  My trick to get back to feeling grounded in those days was to go and stay with my grandparents for awhile.  They always lived in out of the way quiet places and their life style was slow and calm.  It felt so good to melt in with their pace for awhile.  Now that they are both gone I have had to come up with other ways to feel grounded.

I think being grounded means that our body and mind are integrated and to accomplish that it’s important to take yourself out of your own head a bit.  Most of us live too much in our heads and lose awareness of the rest.  I’ve discovered a whole bunch of different ways to feel grounded again and here are a few of my favourites:

1.  Notice nature.  Even little things like walking on the grass barefoot, studying a spider at work in its web, watching a robin pull a worm, playing with my dog, etc.

2.  Hanging out with my best friend.  Talking or not.  Just being with someone you know so well and trust completely can be very therapeutic.

3.  Cuddling with my husband.   Feeling love wrap around you…can it get any better than that?!

4.  Meditating.  Breathing deeply and focusing on nothingness.  Can’t feel scattered when you do that.

5.  Exercising to great music.  That’s why I love going to Zumba class so much.

How about you Jacquie and Tracy?  What makes you feel grounded?

post-insert-jacquie1

In high school I remember being introduced to basic psychological concepts having to do with maintaining mental equilibrium and what could happen it they were to suddenly disappear.  We all intuitively accept that when we go to sit on a chair it’s going to hold us up.  We have implicit trust in the structural integrity of that chair not to let us fall.  Sure, sometimes a leg does break and we take a tumble, but we can rationalize that it was old, or a joint gave way, and so we don’t lose faith that the next time we bend to sit that chair will hold firm again.  Can you imagine what life would be like if we couldn’t trust these basic tenets?  Frightening.  We’d be second guessing every step we’d want to take or every move we’d want to make and our nerves would be shot.

So,  faith and trust ground me when I feel I’m starting to float away and lose that gravitational pull.  Faith that the people I love know my heart and understand me, and trust that most people in my life really do have the best of intentions and are honest and intrinsically good.  If I didn’t believe this then it would be like living in a vacuum.

Being grounded is not a natural state for an artist, I think.  I’m always on the move, dreaming and scheming and planning and pushing, and this sometimes leads to feeling disappointed and adrift.  Setting up the easel and painting is good way for me to refocus, but it’s ultimately the conviction of my own thoughts that gets me back on track.   Whatever method you use to eliminate distractions it’s still your own head that makes the choice between calm and confusion.   The trick is to be honest with yourself, even if you can’t be with others.  Ask yourself the hard questions and expect hard answers.  It’s the only way to grow.

TracyGreat topic Bonnie, especially because after spending 10 days with you and John I felt just that.  It’s so important to stay grounded and finding ways to do that is the key.  For a free spirited Aquarian that can sometimes be difficult.

What makes me feel most grounded is when I spent time with close friends.  I always leave feeling grounded and centered once again.  Certain people in my life just seem to have a grounding effect on me.  Life can so easily get out of balance with how busy we make our lives, so you have to take time with those who bring you back to your roots.

My kids ground me daily and show me what is most important in life, which is living in the moment and just opening your eyes to what is right in front of you!

When I help someone I also feel a sense of grounding, it makes you realize that the little things in life that you do for others makes your life feel balance just a little bit more.  Meditation is also a great way to get reconnected to the earth.  My favorite form of meditation is running while listening to inspirational music.  After a good long run I feel like my slate has been cleared.

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