Never say Never!


NEVER say NEVER! It seems that every time I do the Universe has a funny way of making me re-visit that particular ‘Never’ in order to understand it more clearly, with the end result usually being a learning experience. I like to think of myself as a non-judgemental person and I believe I am for the most part. Sometimes we need to experience things to decide what we want or don’t want. It’s a way of finding out what is most important to us and what we are willing to compromise on.

I have met some pretty awesome male energy over the past couple of years, some who were honest as soon as it was humanly possible, and some who took a little more time to release their truth. We all have different comfort zone that allow us to share our feelings, hopes, dreams and desires. Timing is key, as we are all on different paths going different places at different speeds. We can’t always control what leads us down a path, so we float a bit in the unknown to see where it flows, not knowing if it will lead us anywhere at all, and sometimes much to our surprise it does. We are simply testing the water, fishing so to speak. We are then forced to either come clean or lie. Most conscious human being come clean, being true to self.

How do you approach dating? Do you do your own thing in hopes of meeting Mr Funny-Pants serendipitously? Do you mingle in coffee shops with girlfriends hoping to catch a glance from Mr Potentially Almost Perfect while he sips his latte? Do you agree to blind dates? There are so many ways to meet people if that is what you want to do. You just need to get out from behind your computer screen and walk out your door…or not!

I wrote about online Dating and Dating in general several times…Do Vancouver Men Really Suck ( I think not), 24 Hours of Online Dating…for Research (perhaps I didn’t give it the ol’college try…because I didn’t go to college), Would You, Should You, Could You, Internet Date? (I cracked myself up with this one), Dating Etiquette (including my very own dating tips…wait for it! lol), Do we have time to ‘Date’ anymore? (clearly I wasn’t ready to date yet!) so it’s obviously something I have an opinion on. I joined a free online dating site which is what spawned my post ‘24 Hours of Online Dating…for Research’, to see what all the talk was about, I panicked and delete my account because I was bombarded with strangers wanting to instant message me. I hated it! I would NEVER do that again. NEVER! Yup I said it loud and clear!

After dating a few guys over the last couple of years I understand more clearly that everyone has baggage including me and timing is key. We are all doing the best we can, trying to balance our busy lives. We are not always 100% available, which inspired my post In search of the Elusive Available Male and Patience (I found patience!). I finally have patience! I decided to join a more reputable dating site to take yet another peek into the world in which I didn’t quite understand. It was with the intent to find out more about what type of person goes that route and does it really work? The skeptic in me was front and centre but my curiosity fought and won. I took a step out of my comfort zone to find my answers. There was a lot of ‘winking’ and emails with introductions that sounded genuine, with the odd scammer thrown in for discomfort.

Reading the online safely tips put things in perspective but when you think about it, being safe should always be your number one concern when meeting someone new. Communicating online makes sense for those who are busy professionals, if it’s done carefully! Online you don’t have body language and eye contact which are huge when it comes to intuition, and trusting your instincts. However you are able to save time by ‘doing your research’ on someone you find initially attractive. Online you save yourself the surface conversation finding out where they live, what they do, kids/no kids, hobbies, lifestyle and what they personally express that they are looking for. It’s much harder than it looks to write about who you are, what you believe in and what you are looking for in a partner. I was seriously impressed with how great these guys communicated through their bios.

I was told by my online friend that you really have to rely on your spidy senses and instinct. He takes his time with meeting in person and gets a feel for who he is communicating with first. He has had success twice with online relationships. When I relaxed and put my trust in my own intuition which by the way said he’s a good guy I took control and started talking. I found there were a good number of guys not sure if this avenue was for them either but they were willing to give it a try. I admired them for putting themselves out there. We are all looking for the same thing really, we want someone to share in our hopes and dreams, to laugh out loud with and smile at from across the room. Life is meant to be shared, when you are ready!

I am old fashioned and do believe meeting in the flesh is best…but that doesn’t always work. After I took a step back and opened my mind to something new I realized that as long as I am honest and authentic I have nothing to lose in what I choose to do. There will be those who don’t play by the rules or bend what is the norm and those who have a less favourable agenda, but that’s their choice. I relaxed and started talking to a few guys whose profiles really impressed me. I came to the conclusion that although it’s not really for me, or perhaps my first choice, there were so many great men who really knew exactly how to express themselves, conveying beautifully what they want and who they are.

I suppose if you really want something/someone you will make the time for it/them.

My only advice to any dating whether it be online or in the flesh is be honest right from the very first glance or hello. There is nothing better than knowing exactly where you stand with someone. You are allowed to take your time to figure things out. If they are meant to be yours, they will be there when you do! Be true to self and everything else just happens as it should.

I will NEVER say NEVER again!

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I Want My Children to Know…

If you found out you were not going to be in your child’s future to talk to them about life and love, what would you want to say?

I remember seeing a Documentary years ago of a Mom who was dying of cancer. She recorded videos of herself where she gave her daughter encouragement or advice at specific milestones in life, like getting her period or her first date. It was heart breaking to watch. It must have been the most difficult thing she had ever done in life besides say good-bye. To have the courage and mind set to sit down and gather your thoughts let alone articulate advice you are not ready to give is overwhelming to even consider.

Her daughter would watch the videos when the time presented itself. Although it must have been difficult for her daughter to watch I am sure every word spoken was savoured. The strength of this woman was amazing and stayed with me for years. A Gift…

Things I want my Daughter & Son to know;

~ You’re perfect just the way you are.

~ Stay true to self.

~ Express your feelings no matter what they are; to whom ever they were meant to reach.

~ Never go to bed mad…

~ Always, always kiss your partner before they leave.

~ Never hold a grudge and never seek revenge no matter how hard it is.

~ Always forgive even if you can’t forget. In time you will.

~ Don’t spend too much time crying over the opposite sex, they are worth it but things always work out the way they should and only experience will show you that is true.

~ Never say never, because one day you will…

~ Love with your heart…reason with your head.

~ Touch is something that should never cease with your partner.

~ If you would rather be alone…make it happen.

~ Don’t let anyone take advantage of who you are.

~ Be open to everyone who walks through your door.

~ Don’t judge, it’s just not nice.

~ If you are going to say something about someone, be prepared to say it to their face.

~ If you are unsure of a situation and it involves making a choice…imagine me standing by your side and ask yourself…would I do this if my Mom were here? If not think about it a little longer.

~ Don’t gossip words hurt the most when used to make someone else feel bad.

~ Inspire one person everyday with something you do or say.

~ Your actions will speak much louder than your words.

~ Only marry for Love, not money, love will be there when money isn’t.

~ Never let anyone manipulate your heart. They shouldn’t want to.

~ Love deeply it is the only way.

~ It’s okay for a man to cry, it shows they will be a great Father.

~ Don’t fight unless you are truly passionate about what you are standing for.

~ Do unto others as you would have others do unto you…it’s a Golden Rule for a reason!

No one really knows how much time they have left on Earth. It’s so important to communicate and talk to those you love when the opportunity presents itself. I think what I would miss most was my kids sense of humor in the moment. The spontaneous sparing of funny things said…kind of like the old saying ‘I guess you had to be there.’

Be there because you can and are!

Svaha ~

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Grounding Souls ~

We all go through change at some point in our lives, some more than others, but we can all relate at some point. My life has taken a huge turn in the last couple of years and its taken some time to get used to, no complaints though. We all get comfortable and every now and then things get shaken up. It doesn’t always end up how we had imagined, but if you keep an open mind and just take the path of least resistance, it might surprise you! Sometimes it just works, regardless of how you seem to be going against the current of society. The key, do what works for you, no one else!

I’ve turned into somewhat of a hermit. (I’m working on fixing that) I like to spend time alone and being obsessed with writing makes it kind of difficult NOT to be by myself quite abit during the day and into the wee hours of the night. I was starting to think it was becoming a bit of a problem until a new friend of mine said something through email that made sense to me. I will call him Fran.O;

My take is you’re like a balloon (The big colorful balloon you fly in). Right now, the book (I am trying to writing a book along with 80 % of the population) is like the rope that keeps you anchored. Without it you would just float in whatever direction the wind blows. So, I think you should kinda lay low and just enjoy life around you for a while and let things just play out. All the while still taking care of life’s day to day mattersWhen you say you feel lost, and I do believe it’s for good reason. I say slow down take things easy. But think of it this way; if you and I were driving around in a new town or an area we were not too familiar with, we didn’t know which was south or north, we certainly would not speed up or even stay the speed limit. We would slow down and align our bearings, taking a look at where we are. Your right, you are going through some huge life changes, when that happens, mentally we want to grab hold of something stable like (home, etc). Home and old memories make us feel safe & good all over. Over time once we get our bearings down and feel a bit secure, just like a kid we are ready to venture out. You probably more than me lol” Frank.O

When you open up to people, you gain a new perspective. I met Frank O, through Tara Cronica, he’s AWESOME! If you don’t put yourself out there, even if it’s just via email as I have, you miss out on meeting great people. He may live miles away in another country but it doesn’t matter because we have connected on a different level free of physical form, and become friends.

If you’re going through changes as I am, there is always someone who can relate. His advice put a smile on my face, knowing that when I am ready to venture out again I will in full force! Thanks Frank O for reminding me to enjoy what’s right in front of me, here and now!

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Understanding Women ~

Understanding women is similar to being a parent for the first time, what works for your first doesn’t necessarily work for the next. Your basically starting from scratch each time. Each one of us is completely different from the one before. Think of us like a juicy piece of ripe fruit, having the widest variety imaginable!

I was thinking about men trying to navigate around all the female complexities that start at a very young age. My son is only 11 and already the words “girls can be so weird” have rolled easily off his tongue. “Get used to it” appears in a bubble above my head as I smile in agreement. He’s lucky to have a sister who will hopefully help guide him, if he protects her, a fair trade-off when it comes to brothers and sisters I think.

So I was thinking of advice I might give, to him or men in general, it goes something like this:
Give it your best, don’t try to understand how our minds work, don’t lose any sleep over us and hope for the best. Oh and good luck! 🙂

There will be times when women ask for your opinion, you will assume they want your honest one (first mistake) and in the blink of an eye you find yourself trying to back peddle in slow motion, your words have fallen into the abyss of wrong answers and you get ‘the look’. Just know that when women ask for your honest opinion, it’s usually a trick. It’s perfectly legal to respond “leave that with me and I’ll get back to you”, don’t succumb to pressure. Use your best judgment, each time is unique, or play it safe and sugar coat everything when the question starts with”Tell me honestly”…

Valentine’s Day is always a tricky day to man-oeuvre as male energy. Lets try a multiple choice. (if it were only that simple)

Do you buy us chocolates just after we stated we feel puffy/bloated?

A) No, buy a fun house mirror, the one that makes us look really tall.

B) Ask if we would like you to run us a cold bath, to help take the swelling down. (technically this would work…honesty isn’t always the answer)

C) Buy the damn chocolates, decedent cherry bombs from Euphoria Chocolates are amazing!

I once verbalized “I don’t need flowers”and then regretted it for years after. Even if we say we don’t need flowers, we still love to get them, flowers are romance which is foreplay for women! F-o-r-e-p-l-a-y!

Women try sending telepathic messages to men assuming they can be read, they can’t! Example: He goes out with the guys, you slip into that new sexy getup he didn’t even know you had and wait for him ready to rock his world when he comes in. He stay out late oblivious to the scenario playing out in your head, you can’t believe he is giving up this hot rocking bod for a bunch of beer swilling smelly guys, you get impatient, put on the flannels, wash off your face, totally and utterly miffed that he missed a great night of sex! Ladies, if your man even had an inkling of what was waiting in a sexy little number for him back home, I guarantee his night would be cut short! (right C) You just have to remember we have the inner dialog we just forget sometimes to let you in on it!

I have to admit some men are just naturally in-tune with women. I think it’s because they either have a house full of female energy, they were a woman in a previous life or just good old experience! I guess you guys could think of us as a challenge and rise to it. I love men and everything that makes them who they are and we as women can only hope they feel the same. Just remember guys that each one of us is unique and different from the one you previously encountered with our own idiosyncrasies that can change at any given moment. That’s the fun of us!

Variety is the spice of life!

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Should you tell your girlfriend she’s…?

Bonnie’s Take…

black-tooth

You’re in your early twenties and your best girlfriend and you have just met a couple of gorgeous guys.  It is obvious that you both want to make a great impression.  One of you has a leftover black bean from an earlier stir fry stuck to her front tooth.  Well, if you are my dear friend, you think it is waaaay funnier to “not” say anything.  After some giggles that confuse me, she did finally let me in on the joke.  Sigh.  I still feel my cheeks burn when I think of it, but I have to admit it was funny.  So, in my opinion, yes!!, please tell her if she has food in her teeth.  Same goes for too much makeup, toilet paper stuck to her shoe, the list goes on.  If  you are very close and really care for your friend then yes, tell her you think her boyfriend is not good enough for her.  Just be prepared for her not to listen to your advise until she’s darn well ready to.

However, this also depends on how close you are with your girlfriend.  I know that I can safely give my closest friends an honest opinion as long as I approach the subject with their best interests at heart.  You may have to weigh in whether your advise could be hurtful rather than helpful.  My intention would never be to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Just be kind to each other and keep your sense of humour.

Bonnie

Jacquie’s 2 cents…

My feeling on the subject is a little bit different than yours, Bonnie, though I agree in principle with what you’re saying.   Maybe it’s my own insecurities but I have a really hard time telling someone else that they should do something differently because I know I don’t take critiques very well.  I’ll be less cryptic.  I’ve been told a couple of times in the recent past that I looked tired.  What the …!   I then feel like I have to justify why I might not be looking my best and it makes me self conscious and I get defensive.

Don’t EVER tell a friend she’s looking tired!  Tired is a nasty word and has all sorts of connotations like worn out, old, deflated, colorless, can’t handle your life, stressed out.  The reality is I’m staying up late every night to pick up my daughter from work or I’m writing or doing some painting.  If the end result is that I look less vibrant for my friends the next day I don’t want one of them bringing it to my attention.  I want to feel safe with my friends and believe that how I look isn’t a concern of theirs (unless flames spontaneous erupt from my orifices.  Then tell me).   If I start to look like I’m smuggling bags of bark mulch under my clothes I don’t want my friends telling me I need to start exercising or watching what I eat.  You can bet I’m probably aware of the extra few pounds and won’t appreciate a reminder.

I do think there are plenty of ways to let a friend know she could be doing something differently or better but you have to be finely tuned in to your female powers of intuition to know when the right moment is to bring something up.  I have a friend who for years wore her make up too boldly.   So often I wanted to say “do you mind if I show you how to apply your blush?”  (I used to teach make up artistry so I felt I had some expertise in that area)  but someone else finally mentioned it in a nice, matter o’ fact way and it was no big deal.  I did learn from this that most women WANT input from a trusted friend.  Maybe it was the way I was raised, but for me I have a hard time accepting ‘helpful’ advice so I prefer not to give it unless asked directly.  Live and let live.

I know you’re waiting to jump in here so I’ll pass this on to you, T.

jacquie

Tracy weighs in…

First off,  is there a reason that I am the ‘weighs in’ title this week?  I am still giggling  at both your posts. Two great views!

Note to self, tell Bonnie (from now on) when she has food in her teeth.  It’s not a game to try to figure out who will step up in the crowd to say something.  And Jacquie,  you have NEVER looked tired to me!  I love that both of you have such a great sense of humor and also have the confidence to speak up when you might feel sensitive about something.  I think there is a line,  and although I love to cross that line,  here is where I don’t.  When it comes to telling your friend something, I agree that it should be weighed if you are going to hurt any feelings ( there is nothing worse than hurting a friend’s feelings).  I think a friend tucks in the tag of your shirt, fixes your hair, wipes your face of the unknown, but when it comes to things that you can’t change with a simple wipe or tuck, then I think you should be very careful with how you choose your words of advice.

I still laugh when I think back at Jacquie taking my picture in Cabo, laying by the pool in my bikini, when she said “you’re not going to like that one!”  The southern accent she used really helped!

Bonnie will tell me she really likes a certain picture of me.  It’s a nice way of giving her opinion without choosing the opposite  “I don’t like that one”.  If a friend asks me for my advice directly then yes,  I do give them my honest opinion but still choose my words carefully.  I personally would tell my friend something of the more serious nature, like a boyfriend cheating, before I would tell them their ass looks fat in those pants.  Friends come in all different sizes, styles, with makeup, without makeup and I think you should just embrace them for who they are.  After all, it’s just your opinion of how they should be.

Tracy

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