It’s Just a Number…Right?

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I embraced yet another Valentine Birthday with every once of my being…sort of! I will admit right now that I have revised this post since it was originally written three years ago…okay 4. I’m laughing as I do. Don’t ask! ¬†ūüėČ

The Big 40-ish…again. “lier” blurts my inner voice!

I have never lied about my age…I’m starting now, don’t judge. Funny with age you don’t feel the need to justify your decisions. I mean really, it is just a number so lets leave it at that! (giggle)

I am not defined by my age so the number doesn’t bother me. Then why not say it out-loud?”¬†questions my deep inner voice. “Get lost, I have my reasons!” I snap back. I didn’t think it would come to this and I am aware of the slippery slope I cautiously approach. I will delete deny any comments if you feel the need to mention any numbers above lets say 42. (think of it as a birthday present to me) Just give me this one! I’ll come around soon I promise!

I like to reflect on my Birthday just as I do each New Year’s Day. I look back and see if the seeds I planted the year before have grown and I decide what I want to plant for the coming year. Milestone Birthdays (not that this is one *cough*) allow us to reflect and follow that reflection to where we are now. It doesn’t get much better than now!

I remember feeling different when my odometer rolled over from the last time I turned 40-ish. “Phft” adds my inner voice! The next day it seemed especially easy to say the word no. Along with the word no came no need to explain why. I felt relaxed with just being around me. I didn’t need outside stimulus to engage me. The voices in my head were engaging enough! “Stop talking I’m trying to write!!!!”¬†

When I turned 40-ish¬†last time, I finally allowed myself to be comfortable in my own sensual glowing skin, more so than in my 20’s or 30’s! I am confident enough to drop my dress in a busy intersection at noon in the winter (bad lighting) if need be…you know for charity or something like that. (I haven’t…so far!) I did however wear a moustache for the day for Movember) I know, not quite the same but a step in the liberating direction!

‘This age’¬†for me is about being comfortable in mind and spirit, I think I have the body loving attitude down to a fine art. I have decided to keep a little more to myself. ( cough *bullshit*) I mean that in a positive way, I am not being cynical. Okay I am trying! I like you are a work in progress! Keep in mind I am an¬†Aquarian…well see if I can last a week! I will set more goals that will take discipline and courage to achieve. I want to stretch the boundaries of my mind that will allow me to reach higher than I thought was possible in my younger years. Funny thing about aging, we become less fearful and more willing to take chances, especially with our hearts! Life is short, and then you die! Lets face it, risk can be exciting! To quote my friend Ryan “What could go wrong?” Live in the moment with no regret.

I have experienced¬†many-many¬†glorious years and look forward to many-many more! I have had a very blessed life so far filled with unforgettable memories of family and friends that will last my lifetime. I continue to learn more about who I am and what I am capable of through life experience. Some good, some not so good, I choose to focus on the good. I have come to the realization that I am a very resilient woman if nothing else! I have grown so much over the years and even in times that my heart aches I have finally mastered…or bachelor’d at least the ability to keep thinking positive thoughts in times that don’t feel very positive.

I feel a sense of calm wash over me as I age and it just feels gooooood! I know who I am and I am not afraid to express it to those who are standing close to me, or far away for that matter. I have become not only comfortable in my own skin but comfortable with who I am intellectually. What I want and don’t want seems so much clearer than ever before.

rose coloured glassesI have learned to have complete acceptance in my life. I walk the walk not just talk the talk. I welcome you into my life unconditionally for how ever long you choose to stay, a day a week a year or hours for that matter, it’s really up to you. I can only be who I am, true to myself, if you fit great, if not it was nice crossing paths and I wish you love on your journey. I have learned to surrender to this. All I ask is that you be as kind to my spirit as I will be to yours! Life is meant to be shared, lived, experienced and lessons are learned along the way.

I still look through my rose coloured glasses from the clouds but I enjoy that view and won’t give that up at any age. I am a dreamer, a romantic and will be until the day I leave this world.

Here’s to aging gracefully, being ((((((((((50-ish))))))))))¬†and proud of it!

 (((((((smile)))))))

 

Tracy signiture

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What if God is Testing YOU?

pixiz-31-07-2016-21-37-22I wrote this 6 years ago. I am reposting it because there has been change in the world since this was originally written and the Gay Pride Parade is today in Vancouver and I am a huge supporter of the LGBT community.

When I was on Facebook the other night I read a status update that a girlfriend from high school wrote that really bothered me. Sylvia was defriended after knowing someone for over¬†30 years, all because she chooses an ‘alternate lifestyle‘ and they choose God.¬†This would be a good time to add, I am a proud supporter of Gay Pride, not because I am gay but because I believe human beings shouldn’t be judged because of their sexual orientation! I have never read the Bible, but I remember saying my prayers as a child. I prefer to take bits and pieces from all different religions, rather than follow just one. I can only give my opinion of what feels right inside my heart. I believe we are all part of a Universal Source of Energy and I try to live by The Golden Rule Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.’ The Golden Rule is not exclusive to Christianity, many religions teach their version of the Golden Rule, it’s such a basic and simple rule to live by.

I love women, but have never fallen in love with a woman in that way so I have no life experience to call upon when it comes to being gay. (well there was this one time in College…kidding, I never went to College lol) I have lots of gay friends whom I love and support for having the courage to live their lives truthfully and authentically. Imagine having to live with a secret your entire life because you fear being judged and isolated from your family and friends. If either of my children told me they were gay it would make absolutely no difference to me, I would love and support them either way!

My vision of being in a female relationship goes something like this…kids would always be clean and well fed, the house would be spotless, laundry would be done, folded and put away perfectly, there would always be wonderful aromas swirling about the house from fresh baked goods, candle light would glow from each room, wine would be chilled just right, oh and flowers, lots and lots of flowers! I could go on and on but I think you get my point! Female energy is so incredibly amazing! Who wouldn’t want that! Personally, I am physically and sexually attracted to male energy. (after that vision I am asking…why? lol) Please don’t judge me all my lesbian friends! ūüôā

What if God was testing you, you who believed in the Christian God, who is against lesbian/homosexual relationships? What if he was testing you to see if you would be a follower or leader and take a stand by challenging his words in the Bible. What if God was testing you to see if you could think for yourself? When¬†you think about how long ago the Bible was written, doesn’t it make sense there should be a few things that change with the times? Back in the time of Adam and Eve it made sense that a man and women would naturally be drawn to each other, to procreate, we needed the human race to flourish. Have we not flourished? There are other ways for human beings to have families and offer their love to one another. I think the Bible could use a little tweaking in this case, or needs to be viewed as more of a guideline, not so black and white.

What if what I say has a sliver of truth to it? I suppose you won’t know until you’re at the pearly gates. I believe I will never be judge for being who I am as long as my intent is pure. Why can’t we all just CoeXisT?

Here is the note that provoked this post:

“Sylvia, I am not continuing to have you as a friend on facebook for the following reasons…. While I am commanded to love you/others I am not compelled to condone or accept the lifestyle choices that are being so seductively and many times blatantly forced on our society and are in clear defiance of God’s word. This message is not something new to you but you have not heard it from me personally. There have been some specific message postings on the common wall by yourself and your friends that speak to your opposition of the “biblical definition of marriage” based on your lifestyle choice. I do not believe in the argument you present and this is not open for rebuttal or debate. God loves his creation and His word is crystal clear that He is opposed to homosexual/lesbian relationships/lifestyles. My head is not in the sand but my head is in God’s word. I will continue to pray that God will reveal himself in your life again and that you will see His word for what it is. – B.”

Sylvia stand tall and proud of who you are and continue loving others as you do yourself, by doing just that you will create the change that is needed. I have no specific words for ‘B’ my post is meant for all the B’s in the world! I can’t imagine feeling as though I have the right to judge another human being.

Imagine for a moment limiting yourself from meeting someone who would enrich your existence while you’re here on Earth, all because of a religious belief. This is simply my opinion, it is not meant to offend anyone or criticize the Bible or anyone’s religious beliefs, it’s just my thoughts and my way of saying life is too short¬†“why can’t we all just get along!”

*Silvia, please watch this video, it’s very empowering and makes sense*

Abraham – who is Non-Physical Source Energy as translated by Esther Hicks – responds to a question from a lesbian activist who wants to affect social change in a meaningful “downstream” way.

Abraham: The Law of Attraction and Gay Rights РEsther & Jerry Hicks



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Svaha S.S ~ Love is All You Need!

IMG_4459My daughter shared this video with me, I had to pass it on. It is an important message that unfortunately is still not embraced by everyone in the world in which we live. Love is all you really need! When we feel loved, we flourish! We grow and pass that very same love we received on to others.

Give Love ~

Accept everyone for who they are ~

Stand up for those who are not brave enough…yet ~

With support and courage we can make a difference in the lives of those less courageous ~

Tracy signiture

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Parenting ~

Parenting is an ongoing struggle. Being a single parent is a challenge most of us wouldn’t want to face! The stereotypical single Mom is one who just gets by, has two kids, rents an apartment and gets some sort of social assistance. It’s the hardest job on the planet in my eyes. Holding it all together, while teaching your kids about life and love. There’s a reason why no one tells you the truth about how incredibly hard it is to be a parent. But it’s not because they want you to experience the same difficulties as they have, it’s because at the end of the day, it’s still worth it…no matter what you have to go through! Human beings are miracles created on earth, it’s a gift to become a parent. And to have a family is a blessing!

Not many women choose to be a single Mom, but it happens! Moms who do find themselves raising their children on their own need to remember that although they can’t give their child their entire wish list, they can give love and children would trade everything for love!

Single Dads have the same challenges, but they aren’t programmed like women are for being the care-giver, which in my opinion is even more difficult. Single Dads definitely¬†have their work cut out for them.

Family today is anything but traditional, in most cases. What we need to remember is that our children are blank canvases, it is up to us to teach them by example. Be who you want them to respect and love. Show them acceptance and love of others. Let them see your compassion and empathy for other human beings. Teach them to give more than they take. Have the integrity they will strive for as they live and learn. Show your kids that anything is possible when the truth and honesty is present. Allow them to make mistakes and teach them that its what we do after we pick ourselves back up that matter, not what knocked us down. And most of all let them see you being true to yourself!

What I think is the most important element of family is love. When you have love you have it all. As long as your child feels loved, they will learn to give love. Kids naturally live authentically, and we as parents can learn a lot from these incredible little human beings. As parents it’s our responsibility to live truthfully and show them that whatever comes their way they have love and support from both their parents regardless of the structure of their family unit.

I can’t imagine my life without my kids, still to this day they’re the best thing I’ve ever done. You may not always be married to your husband or wife forever but your kids will always be your kids and you will always be their Mom or Dad. Being a parent, is forever and a blessing. Be the parent you want your kids to be!

I think what ever you choose, marriage, kids, or not, it’s YOUR choice to make. That’s the greatest part of life…choice!

We make choices every single day that are based on our thoughts, ‘thoughts become things…choose the good ones’ (Notes from the Universe).

Svaha ~

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Navigating the Minefields of Dating!

I didn’t know it would be so difficult to date when I became eligible. It’s¬†much more complicated than I remember when I was younger. No wonder there is a relationship status on Facebook that states¬†‘It’s complicated’ because¬†it is! I haven’t met anyone who has not been complicated! There are schedules to consider, kids, parenting styles, deal makers and breakers, dogs, jobs, sports, compatibility, life style differences, distance and timing has to be just right…or does it? It doesn’t help when your best friend is your last partner. Try to explain that one to a potential date. They can’t help but have suspicions about the two of you getting back together at any given moment! Everyone seems to despise their ‘X’, which is hard when you really like yours! It’s hard to get to know someone when you barely have time for yourself. It honestly amazes me that there are second marriages let alone relationships between singles who are either separated or divorced.

You have to trust someone with your heart! Not everyone has good intention so it’s hard not to get discouraged! Are you getting the picture, it’s not that easy to date! It truly is a minefield that’s hard to navigate. I am so thankful to have girlfriends to talk with, be advised by and to have a male perspective that knows me better than any man out there! Which hasn’t been yet, but could also be something hard to maneuver with someone who doesn’t know me very well!

On the bright side of dating, there are lots of intelligent handsome great guys out there, who understand kid schedules and appreciate truth and honesty and who are eager to experience life in the moment. I’ve learned you just have to stop looking. If you go about your day they will come into your life when the time is right. Dating in your 40’s is all about acceptance and going with the flow, baggage included because we all have at least a carry on, some have truck loads!

At the end of the day, it’s really just all about enjoying everyone for who they are and exploring those personalities that intrigue you. Honesty is crucial and necessary even if the other person needs time to chew on it for a while. It’s a gamble like everything else in life, but I think worth the risks involved. Not everyone is honest, honourable or interested in the same things. Sometimes he’s just not that into you, or you into him and that’s okay! Timing is so important, it can turn a potential hot love affair into forever.

I am not trying to paint a negative picture of what its like being single. The experience is as unique as each of us. I truly love being on my own…most of the time. I’ve said before that I don’t need a man in my life, but would definitely love the right one. Everything takes time and the most important part of being set free in the world is enjoying the journey along the way. Trust your instincts, follow your heart, explore the possibilities of what if…you might be surprised at what you find!

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Grounding Souls ~

We all go through change at some point in our lives, some more than others, but we¬†can all relate at some point. My life¬†has taken a huge turn in the last couple of years and its taken some time to get used to, no complaints though. We all get comfortable and every now and then things get shaken up. It doesn’t always end up how we had imagined, but if you keep an open mind and just take the path of least resistance, it might surprise you! Sometimes it just works, regardless of how you seem to be going against the current of society. The key, do what works for you, no one else!

I’ve turned into somewhat of a hermit. (I’m working on fixing that) I like to spend time alone and being obsessed with writing makes it kind of difficult NOT to be by myself quite abit during the day and into the wee hours of the night. I was starting to think it was becoming a bit of a problem until a new friend of mine said something through email that made sense to me. I will call him Fran.O;

My take is you’re like a balloon (The big colorful balloon you fly in). Right now, the book (I am trying to writing a book along with 80 % of the population) is like the rope that keeps you anchored. Without it you would just float in whatever direction the wind blows. So, I think you should kinda lay low and just enjoy life around you for a while and let things just play out. All the while still taking care of life’s day to day matters.¬†When you say you feel lost, and I do believe it’s for good reason. I say slow down take things easy. But think of it this way; if you and I were driving around in a new town or an area we were not too familiar with, we didn’t know which was south or north, we certainly would not speed up or even stay the speed limit. We would slow down and align our bearings, taking a look at where we are. Your right, you are going through some huge life changes, when that happens, mentally we want to grab hold of something stable like (home, etc). Home and old memories make us feel safe & good all over. Over time once we get our bearings down and feel a bit secure, just like a kid we are ready to venture out. You probably more than me lol” Frank.O

When you open up to people, you gain a new perspective. I met Frank O, through Tara Cronica, he’s AWESOME! If you don’t put yourself out there, even if it’s just via email as I have, you miss out on meeting great people. He may live miles away in another country but it doesn’t matter because we have connected on a different level free of physical form, and become friends.

If you’re going through changes as I am, there is always someone who can relate. His advice put a smile on my face, knowing that when I am ready to venture out again I will in full force! Thanks Frank O for reminding me to enjoy what’s right in front of me, here and now!

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Therapy Session ~

Happy Birthday¬†Scott! (March 25) A year has past since I wrote a Birthday wish for you here on Tara Cronica and what a year it has been. We have moved in directions we weren’t aware even existed and have grown independent yet together along the way. We have faced change within ourselves and embraced it with no fear. I think you’re amazing. You’re an incredible man to have by my side. I am grateful for your strength, support and honesty and appreciate all you do. I look forward to the next chapter in life, where you will grow and unfold and I will become who I am meant to be.¬†Thanks for making me smile out loud everyday!

Now my post for today ~

After a great session with my male therapist (Dr.Scott La Rock) I came to realize I don’t live in the moment as much as I should. I get caught up in life as we all do. I’ve been feeling let down by people and life all while trying to adjust to major change that’s happening at light speed in my world. I will be the first to admit I’ve lived in a fantasy world for a long time, okay since I can remember, maybe since I was 5, and it seems like my world keeps getting brutal shots of reality which I am not too fond of. I figure, if I start to get cynical or bitter, there is really no hope for the rest of you!

After my therapy session (not a real therapist for those who don’t know me) we together came to the realization that ~

1) I created this wonderful fantasy and live in it by choice.

2) It’s actually my perception of individuals that keep letting me down not them.

3) I need to remember ‘It is what it is.’

There are a lot of GREAT people out there, REAL people who are sharing their inspiration in this world. Those are the people I want to spend my precious time with, not the time wasters, naysayers or takers. I’ve noticed not as many people keep their word anymore, nobody really cares if they effect someone else’s life as long as it doesn’t effect them. (That’s just wrong)

This is one of the reasons Tara Cronica is so important to me, it’s a meeting place where everyone can find inspiration, friendship and creativity, it’s here for those who need it and it’s free, it’s also here for those who want to share their inspiration, but mostly it just feel right to me.

We are three different women with three different views and opinions living truthfully under completely different circumstances. I am sure you can relate to at least one of us. We are not trying to be, and certainly don’t think of ourselves as do gooders, but I can tell you that Tara Cronica has changed the way I live my life. I try harder to look for the good in everything, even on the days it feels unnatural. (doesn’t always work but I’m aware) I am trying to be a better person and I believe I am since I started this journey. I get discouraged just like everyone else does at life and love. I break down, I get bitchy, (hard to believe I know) I can be difficult, (who me?) and when that happens I find it helpful to talk to you, here.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and have my life as an open book so that I can be related to. If I get back into the moment and I take away the fact that I was tired, hormonal, and absolutely everything in my life is changing (acceptance without resistance, thanks Bonnie) and adjust my perception, people/things don’t seem so bad anymore. Scott you are a great guide in life to walk beside, a very important male perspective that I learn from everyday. I needed a recharge and by talking I got just that.

When I look at those who were making me feel discouraged, with a clear perception, I now see souls who didn’t set out to hurt my feelings, but perhaps have things to work out for themselves. Maybe they just need to see that we are all the same with issues, trying our best to come out on top. I hope that by coming here it will help them move forward in life and see that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. We might not always be on track in life, but as long as we keep taking steps in the right direction and put ourselves out there I think we grow and move forward learning along the way.

Two things come to mind now, ‘what a difference a day makes’ and ‘this too will pass.’ ¬†Thanks everyone for taking the time to visit, listen and share your voice with me!

Svaha ~

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It Comes With Age ~

We spend much of our youth searching for someone to spend the rest of our lives with, not realizing that it means a VERY long time. ūüôā That’s right THE SAME MAN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!! That’s obviously a joke. My Mom and Dad have known one another since they were twelve so I have seen first hand what it is like to spend the rest of your life with someone. I don’t remember any time growing up where I felt like that might change. I admire them both for their commitment and vow they took so seriously, not many do.

When we meet our potential partner in our twenties or thirties we naturally want to take the next step towards marriage so we live with and spend every waking moment together, well not every waking moment, but you know what I mean. We live our lives side by side, some on top of one another and others quite far apart but nevertheless we spent most of our time together.

Then we enter middle age and our kids, if we had any, are growing and entering the same cycle that we have, hopefully with less mistakes and more life experience. We grow and unfold and change in all different directions. Some of us grow with our partners and others grow away from them. Ideally if we have a partner who is our best friend, we can at least maintain the friendship. I have never understood even in my teens why two people can’t remain friends just because as a couple they didn’t work out, with the exception of a wrong doing.

As we age and move into different chapters of our lives, things change, we change. Some of us are faced with moving forward in that next chapter independent of anyone else. I think it comes with age, the understanding that being independent is not the same as being alone. In the evolution of a growing relationship this change doesn’t have to be a negative one. It’s how you perceive it, that counts.

I am independent moving ahead in my life, but I am certainly not alone. What I have learned is that although my relationship has been redefined it is far from over and has an entire future ahead of it that is waiting for me to experience and embrace. So my fairy tale romance may not have turned out traditional like my parents, but it has evolved and reached levels most together couples have never come close to. I wouldn’t change that for anything!

Personal growth is a wonderful feeling when you can accept things and move forward without any resentment or regret. That is the part of being in your 40’s, for me, I love the most. As you age you accept changes you might not have in your earlier years. You smile more, trust your heart, love more deeply and accept the things you cannot change. Sin√©ad O’Connor’s song “Feels So Different” first three lines has stuck with me for year.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference” ¬†Reinhold Niebuhr

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