Comments on: ‘Friends with Benefits’ http://www.taracronica.com/taboo/friends-with-benefits Girlfriends ~ Inspiration ~ Silver Jewelry Treasures Fri, 03 Feb 2012 21:40:24 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Tracy Westerholm http://www.taracronica.com/taboo/friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1#comment-494 Tracy Westerholm Fri, 17 Apr 2009 00:50:00 +0000 http://www.taracronica.com/?p=3059#comment-494 I agree with DUB that 'friends with benefits' which is prearranged or an understanding seems to lack spontaneity and could lose it's steam by the time you got to the act itself. Much like most marriages who don't keep their sex lives spicy. Isn't that basically a friend with benefits ? Unless of course you had an undeniable attraction to this person and looked forward to the next meeting whenever that may be with anticipation, which is what I think Bonnie was suggesting. Finding someone whom you have a great attraction to and live in the moment with them sexually, you never really know where anything can lead unless you try it. I am not suggesting you do but if you did... I agree with DUB that ‘friends with benefits’ which is prearranged or an understanding seems to lack spontaneity and could lose it’s steam by the time you got to the act itself. Much like most marriages who don’t keep their sex lives spicy. Isn’t that basically a friend with benefits ? Unless of course you had an undeniable attraction to this person and looked forward to the next meeting whenever that may be with anticipation, which is what I think Bonnie was suggesting. Finding someone whom you have a great attraction to and live in the moment with them sexually, you never really know where anything can lead unless you try it. I am not suggesting you do but if you did…

]]> By: DUB http://www.taracronica.com/taboo/friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1#comment-493 DUB Fri, 17 Apr 2009 00:20:20 +0000 http://www.taracronica.com/?p=3059#comment-493 Friends with benefits seems so contrived. Like a small print contract; we hereby agree to have sex two times per month. These occasions will take place on _ _ and at _ _ and will last 33 minutes per session. This will have no effect on our relationship. Sign here _ _ _ _ What? And teens are doing this? They hardly know what friends are as early teens! And I have a foreboding feeling that it might be a warning sign of males denigrating vulnerable females. Agreements like this are for cold blooded lawyers. If we are talking about sex without love, then it still needs spontaneity, even if it is two teens fumbling in the dark back seat of a ‘50 Ford! Or two married, not to each other, 30 somethings thrown together and swept up by the sudden attraction of the office mail room. Or older strangers on holiday who steal away in the tropical night to take advantage of the swaying frangipani. Is there emotional harm in these escapades? We can’t sort and classify these individuals because they ARE unique. Each will treat the sex memory differently. If the sex is safe, and every woman needs to make sure it is as we cannot ever trust the man, then can it become a recollection of a mental state of the moment for that person? Perhaps something to smile inwardly about at a later time? If it brings a moment of regret, but is a private memory, is it a learning experience about oneself? If the mature person enjoys the memory she is just as likely to cook a nice dinner for her ‘friend’. Or he take her out for a pizza. A friend with benefits might be someone helping you cram for a math test. Or a coffee partner who has an empathetic ear for your situation. Or someone who drives you to visit someone else. But making an agreement for the benefits of sex should never be entered into. That is the indiscretion, not the sex. Sex has to be spontaneous and yes, as Tracy suggests, even laughed at. It should never have serious repercussions on your psyche. So don’t sign the contract, but if the friendly benefit appears one hot summer night ... use an alias. Friends with benefits seems so contrived. Like a small print contract; we hereby agree to have sex two times per month. These occasions will take place on _ _ and at _ _ and will last 33 minutes per session. This will have no effect on our relationship.
Sign here _ _ _ _
What? And teens are doing this? They hardly know what friends are as early teens! And I have a foreboding feeling that it might be a warning sign of males denigrating vulnerable females. Agreements like this are for cold blooded lawyers.
If we are talking about sex without love, then it still needs spontaneity, even if it is two teens fumbling in the dark back seat of a ‘50 Ford! Or two married, not to each other, 30 somethings thrown together and swept up by the sudden attraction of the office mail room. Or older strangers on holiday who steal away in the tropical night to take advantage of the swaying frangipani.
Is there emotional harm in these escapades?
We can’t sort and classify these individuals because they ARE unique. Each will treat the sex memory differently. If the sex is safe, and every woman needs to make sure it is as we cannot ever trust the man, then can it become a recollection of a mental state of the moment for that person? Perhaps something to smile inwardly about at a later time? If it brings a moment of regret, but is a private memory, is it a learning experience about oneself? If the mature person enjoys the memory she is just as likely to cook a nice dinner for her ‘friend’. Or he take her out for a pizza.
A friend with benefits might be someone helping you cram for a math test. Or a coffee partner who has an empathetic ear for your situation. Or someone who drives you to visit someone else.
But making an agreement for the benefits of sex should never be entered into. That is the indiscretion, not the sex. Sex has to be spontaneous and yes, as Tracy suggests, even laughed at. It should never have serious repercussions on your psyche.
So don’t sign the contract, but if the friendly benefit appears one hot summer night … use an alias.

]]> By: tracy http://www.taracronica.com/taboo/friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1#comment-491 tracy Thu, 16 Apr 2009 23:18:13 +0000 http://www.taracronica.com/?p=3059#comment-491 Wow ! This is great to have so many different views and now a male perspective to boot! Now that I know double dog dare actually works I will be using that one again for sure !! I love that there is no judging here, only personal insight and open discussion. I stand by 'don't knock it till ya try it' and being single now makes me wonder. I think that none of us really know what we would do until put into the situation directly in front of us. Chemistry can be strong and persuasive! Wow ! This is great to have so many different views and now a male perspective to boot! Now that I know double dog dare actually works I will be using that one again for sure !! I love that there is no judging here, only personal insight and open discussion. I stand by ‘don’t knock it till ya try it’ and being single now makes me wonder. I think that none of us really know what we would do until put into the situation directly in front of us. Chemistry can be strong and persuasive!

]]> By: Janet http://www.taracronica.com/taboo/friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1#comment-489 Janet Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:27:51 +0000 http://www.taracronica.com/?p=3059#comment-489 I would agree with most comments here...that it's not possible. I think definately for young people - noway! But imagine that for a limited few, that it is possible. (I keep imagining a scenario, but I always wind up emotionally involved - dang!) It's been interesting reading everyone's perspective. One of those topics to stash away to discuss further with my friends. I would agree with most comments here…that it’s not possible. I think definately for young people – noway! But imagine that for a limited few, that it is possible. (I keep imagining a scenario, but I always wind up emotionally involved – dang!)

It’s been interesting reading everyone’s perspective. One of those topics to stash away to discuss further with my friends.

]]> By: bonnie http://www.taracronica.com/taboo/friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1#comment-488 bonnie Thu, 16 Apr 2009 22:12:32 +0000 http://www.taracronica.com/?p=3059#comment-488 Really? Am I really the only one out there that can speak from having had a <strong>good</strong> real life experience with this? Well, lucky me I guess. Cause I can tell you that <em>my</em> experience was not a "disconnected performance, an act...useless and unattractive, unfulfilling <em>or</em> easily forgotten" and please don't <em>assume</em> that I had to convince myself otherwise. (You know what assuming makes you) It was what it was and I was able to enjoy it for that very reason. Perhaps I'm more of a realist. Although I understand everyones different perspectives on this subject I also hope you can be a little open to the idea that it <em>can</em> be worthy for some. Really? Am I really the only one out there that can speak from having had a good real life experience with this? Well, lucky me I guess. Cause I can tell you that my experience was not a “disconnected performance, an act…useless and unattractive, unfulfilling or easily forgotten” and please don’t assume that I had to convince myself otherwise. (You know what assuming makes you)
It was what it was and I was able to enjoy it for that very reason. Perhaps I’m more of a realist. Although I understand everyones different perspectives on this subject I also hope you can be a little open to the idea that it can be worthy for some.

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