My brain is numb. I can’t think. Through the sugar-induced fog I’m experiencing, I’ve determined that my inability to put two or three semi- comprehensible paragraphs together must be due to the almost straight diet of Almond Roca and Bailey’s filled chocolates I’ve been on since Christmas day.  Most of my friends would agree I’m not usually known to be a chocolate fanatic, but something happens at this time of year that sends me into a junk food tailspin of epic proportions.

I think what happens is all the holiday partying and festivity-ing slowly breaks down my carefully guarded resolve until I completely lose all vestiges of self control. I become a wild woman foraging through my kitchen for any scraps of seasonal goodies left after the last guest has departed.  The shortbreadier the better. “You’re not going to need all those gumballs on the house”, I say to my daughter as she pipes royal icing onto her gingerbread creation. Luckily for me, she’s more interested in the overall design aesthetic than simply jamming as much sugar onto the structure as it’ll hold. There’re seven gumballs left in the bag and I feel them calling to me. Guiltily, I pop them like crack cocaine when no one’s looking (You say you don’t chew crack? Just goes to show I know nothin’ about doin’ drugs, then, don’t it? Artistic license?)

Being a contemplative, I analyze my motivations and actions for everything I do, say or… consume, in this case. I’m pretty sure my total loss of focus has to do with the nearness of the upcoming new year and all the rites and rituals associated with January 1st. It’s like I know in every fiber of every cell of my being that I’ll be making a resolution to eat healthier and work out more in just a few more days, so I better live these last few ones to the extreme before I’m cut off forever. Like I said, it’s the sugar talking, and when I say sugar, I include the kind that comes in a 750 ml bottle and turns your lips blue. What did my sister call that? The Napa Hickey? Help me, Anne.  Did I get that right?

In a book called The End of Overeating, author David Kessler writes about how to free yourself from junk food forever.  Apparently, 20% of people who are at a healthy weight are also prone to hyper-eating.  OK, that would be me. Most often it’s due to ‘cues’, like locations or situations.  That totally fits, as it always happens at Christmas time, and I would guess I’m not alone.  The book offers all sorts of suggestions for ways of avoiding cues (yeah, right! “No tree this year, mommy’s on a diet. Sorry kids!”), retraining yourself to make the foods you crave less appealing and eliminating and foods that make you lose control. What? This is just a regular diet book rehashing common, practical advice! I thought I was going to learn a huge secret or something, for frig’s sake!

Bottom line is January 1st is only four days away, so if I want to spend the next half a week indulging my cravings, I will, because I know that when 2010 hits, I’ll be hitting the gym with a vengeance. I love deadlines and start dates, new calendars and fresh day timers. New beginnings and clean slates. And just to be on the safe side, I’ll be pouring sardine juice over any baking that survives past December 31st.  Thanks for the tip, Kessler.