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I saw Tori Spelling on The View yesterday and couldn’t believe how super skinny she looked! I think it was only a few months ago that she was featured in one of the celebrity mags wearing a bikini for the first time after having her daughter and I felt those pangs of envy at how great she looked. Why did she have to take it so far? Two seconds after her jutting pelvic bones had hit the couch Barbara Walters came right out and asked her the big question ~ Are you anorexic? Answer, of course, “no, this is just my natural weight”, to which I say “baloney”! I don’t mean to pick on Tori. I like her and think she’s pretty cool!
To be honest, there’s still a part of me that’s envious. Isn’t that stupid! I’ve spent 4 decades obsessing over weight and I know I don’t even have a problem! It’s called body dysmorphia and it’s not fun. I think it’s the last remaining emotional Mt Everest women have to overcome in our quest to be truly authentic. I still have to admit I have those ridiculous thoughts that creep into my head that tell me life would be just a tad sweeter if i dropped 5 lbs. I so know it isn’t true, but years of conditioning is really hard to overcome. And if it’s hard for me, an arguably stable, confident individual, just think how hard it is for young women discovering themselves right now.
When I worked in commercials and as a stand in I was always hungry. Physical hunger leads to emotional hunger. You can’t go for years depriving yourself without it starting to eat away at your self esteem. It’s a vicious circle. I would see guest actresses come on the set and be stunned at how unsexy and unattractive they looked; sharp jawlines, angular shoulder blades sticking out from their backs and legs that looked like baseball bats. Then I’d see these same women in the episodes we shot and I was amazed at how good they looked! The camera loves angles and it does tend to fill out hollows just enough to work. So I realized actresses are in a no win situation. Damned if they do, damned if they don’t. That really messed with my head!
I look at my girlfriends completely differently than I see myself. I see the ones with big smiles and laughing eyes and full backsides and bouncing boobs as my role models now. I get why lots of men say they like a little ‘junk in the trunk’. I think curvy and confident, slim and sassy, hippy and happy, teensy and terrific and big and beautiful are all gorgeous. Perhaps they, too, are thinking life would be a touch better down 5 lbs but I hope not (are you guys?). I think they’re all perfect the way they are. Let’s just all exercise more for so we can be partying into our 90′s, OK!
I’m gonna meet my girlfriend in a few hours for a grande latte and a scone if I feel like it. She suggested we go for a walk in the sunshine afterwards. See where I’m going with this…
Goddess Tara
Jacquie Janzen Yee
Tracy Westerholm
Bonnie Johnson
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Unraveling the layers of Jacquie Janzen Yee, I like it !! I never stressed over my weight when I was juicy as much as when I was lean. I think maybe when you’re juicy you’re still riding the sugar high of your last meal…I’m kidding. I think when I was younger I thought I had a big booty. I didn’t and I look back now and think, god to have that ass now…trouble with a capital T !! After kids my thyroid went hypo which means your metabolism is a couch potato even when your running 25 k a week. I couldn’t do anything to get the baby weight from kids off. I was my heaviest and just had to deal with it. Baggy shirts and tights worked until a not so close friend said to me one day after seeing me in jeans and a tee “you’re nowhere near as heavy as you look in the shirts & tights you wear”. I stopped wearing them and my self esteem balanced again. It’s hard being juicy when you have always been lean, now I am somewhere in the middle and love the skin I’m in. Thanks for the reveal of your true self Jacquie, you’re a wonderful woman !! T xo
I too saw Tori on the cover of a magazine recently, and thought she was anorexic. I can’t imagine living life in the limelight, and not having issues – it’s difficult enough in the real world. Do you remember the Jessica Simpson “scandal” and how fat she was! They said she’d ballooned to a size 8! Seriously…she just had the worst outfit on! I saw somewhere recently in the tabloids, about how great she looked (because she’d lost weight). Hmmmm.
Sooo….how do we teach our daughters to love themselves, and to be confident in who they are. I explained to my kids (11 and
that Jessica wasn’t fat, and that she just had on a “really ugly pair of pants”. I don’t know is that enough?
I didn’t have any positive role models growing up, and wonder if that would’ve helped me to get to where I am quicker. I’m almost 39, and am okay with my size. Is that because I’ve learned to hide it well? Matured enough? I’d like to be healthier, and that is my goal. Does a good role model when growing up help with this issue? I often wonder…
Mmmm scones!
Janet,
I think you did the right thing. Teach your daughters how to dress for their own body type ‘cuz there’s so much selection out there and anything goes and you can look fantastic whatever your size. Jessica did have on a pair of butt ugly jeans but she wasn’t fat! You gotta calls ‘em like you sees ‘em!
I remember living in Toronto and being lonely and having a new baby and being unable to work. I was 24 and went down to the same weight I had been in grade 9. I started getting commercials again and felt wonderful in my clothes. One day I caught a look at myself in the mirror naked and thought “there’s nothing soft or sexy for Gavin to snuggle with anymore”. It just popped unexpectedly into my head. I always think of that as one of my few rational thoughts and it helps me to see things more clearly when I get off track and lose sight of the bigger picture. Health. My losing 5 lbs isn’t going to make the world a better place. There are far more important goals out there.
Tracy, you’re a peach!! Love you all!
Jacquie..
The first time I met you my thought was
what a beautiful young women you are and brains as well.
Make that a ‘peach pie’ and a latte and I’m there girlfriend !! Great thought provoking post ! T xo
Great Article Jacquie, We will have to stop for a sandwhich on the way to the Tulip Festival !!!
Tracy you make me laugh with your comments on “juicy ” I have never head that term before.
What women doesn’t go through weight issues I would love to know. But we are who we are and as long as we are happy within ourselves then everyone can see that beauty shining through no mater what size you are. And yes I would love to loose 5 pounds as well, but then there is chocolate out there and wine and just too much good food…
So true! How many conversations (too many!) have we had on this very subject over the years? Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get past the body fixation but it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.
I love that term “juicy”.
I love my bouncing boobs! Actually, I just love my boobs in general. I kind of like other things too… oh stop…too much information.