I once had a dream that changed the way I thought about death from that point on.
In my dream I was walking down a street with my friend, Tracy. We were shopping, looking through store windows and talking and laughing; having a great afternoon.
Across the road from us, I noticed a couple of young men rushing out of a store. My instincts told me that they had just robbed it. I rushed across to their side of the street and yelled, “Hey! What are you doing?” One of them bolted, but the other turned, raised his arms straight out towards me, both hands together holding his gun and pointed it at my head. Time slowed down then and as I turned to run I heard a loud crack before I fell. I lay motionless and confused on the sidewalk.
Was I really just dreaming? This felt too real. I was acutely aware of the gritty cool sidewalk pressing against my cheek. I watched, now fascinated by, the slow slinking away of my own blood, searching for the least resistant paths in which to leave me by.
Blood? This should really hurt, I thought. Why doesn’t this hurt? My perspective changed then and instead of watching my blood I was looking at my open eyes staring ahead, then at the awkward position that my body lay across the sidewalk. I could see all of myself at once.
Instead of being terrified, an overwhelming feeling of calm and love rushed through me and I felt completely safe. I was looking at the whole scene on the sidewalk from above my body and instead of feeling frightened, I felt completely at peace. There was no pain. I only felt love.
I floated gently, effortless and calm. Happy. Really happy…until I felt a sudden sharp tug. Something pulled at my heart. What was pulling at me, and what was that noise? I couldn’t make it out at first but slowly, as it grew louder, I realized it was someone screaming. Tracy. She was hysterical and terrified crouched beside my body. She didn’t understand. She thought that empty body was me. I had to let her know it wasn’t. I was right beside her, telling her I was fine, really! I was pleading with her not to be upset or afraid but I couldn’t get through to her; I couldn’t make her see the truth. I felt a pang of sadness for the pain that she was feeling and I didn’t want to leave her like that, without her knowing the truth. That everything was perfect. Everything was as it should be.
Then I woke up. I had to sit up and look around at my familiar room for a while to get my bearings. My dream felt so real and my waking up felt more like a dream. This was profound. It may have only been a dream but to me, there was real truth in it. It was as if I had been given a sacred gift; as if I’d had a real out of body experience without having to actually die to get it.
I still felt desperate to tell Tracy that everything was ok. So as soon as I could, I told her my dream in detail. Excited, I told her not to worry about death and that when I die I’ll be just fine and that her being upset will only tug at me and work to weigh me down and keep me from being completely free. Heavy, spiritual stuff right? So what was my dear friend’s reaction to this thought provoking, mind blowing dream of mine? Well…
She listened carefully as I recounted my dream then said, “Why did you cross the street and confront the guy? That was so stupid! And just so you know, I am never going shopping with you. Anywhere. Ever again.”
Well, that’s one way to look at it I suppose. 🙂 Just a dream right?