Memories

Last night I dreamed about a girl that I used to know in grade ten.  I didn’t know her well, we didn’t hang out together. She was just someone who was in a couple of my classes.  I have not thought of her or seen her since 1979 and yet, for some reason, I dreamed of her last night.    In my dream she was in distress.  I actually woke up and worried about a person that I barely knew over thirty years ago.  Where does that come from?  This person was a distant memory and somehow, for some reason, that memory bubbled to the surface.

I’ve written before about how I worry about having a bad memory.  I worry that I will succumb to Alzheimer’s disease like my grandmother did.  This fear was re-ignited the other day as I frantically tore my bathroom apart searching for a diamond stud earring that was innocently sitting in my earlobe already.  Was there too much on my mind while I attempted to do four things at once, or am I losing it?

I would hate to lose my memory because I have so many wonderful ones.  I also have this clever built-in feature where bad memories fade away quickly for me.  Last year I had an argument with my mother that upset me badly for a few months.  I went over and over the argument in my head trying to analyze every word exchanged.  I talked it out with my husband until we were both exhausted.  Then I put it out of my mind.  If I had to explain any of that argument now I’d be stumped.  I have completely buried the memory and I could not tell you what it was about to save my life. (If anyone reading this remembers please don’t remind me…thank you)

Good memories remain fresh for a life time however.  (So far at least.)  I remember sitting in the apple tree in my grandparent’s yard looking up at the clouds and feeling completely content and happy.  I was four.  Twenty one years ago I remember holding my new born son on my chest and realizing how overwhelming my love for him was.

Last weekend I was running around the house in a panic.  I was expecting company and I was late in preparing everything.  I stubbed my toe.  It was bleeding but I had too much to do to worry about it.  My husband made me stop for a moment.  He began to very gently put a band-aid around my wounded toe.  I suddenly felt like I was watching the scene from outside of my own body.  I felt such love and appreciation for my man that I could have burst. That is a memory that will stay fresh with me forever.

Perhaps the memory sifter in our brain is made of love and happiness.  Dreams? Well who can really explain where those come from.

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8 thoughts on “Memories

  1. Memories are all we can take with us, ha if we can remember them, that’s kind of cruel actually when you think of it. Is it mother nature wiping the slate clean before we move on to our new and improved life? Fragments within our subconscious buried deep to draw upon at a later date maybe? I dream vividly every night and love that I am able to remember them. Some make sense and others don’t. I can sometimes plan a dream if I had a thought or feeling throughout my day. Last night I was in a very large canoe with two strangers, they got out at a stop and gave me a gentle push to continue, the streets were water and there were cars but I was the one in the canoe floating slowly, I got to a hill and started to go faster so I put both hands in the water gently to slow me down I was in complete control and didn’t bump into any cars and was able to steer easily. I arrived where I was going just fine with no panic and lifted the canoe onto the grass. Makes you wonder doesn’t it.
    I can’t remember what you and your Mom were arguing about but remember it was a doozie, what’s important is that it lead to a much better relationship so don’t worry about the details just know the outcome was worth it! T xoxo

  2. Would the dream you had about this girl have been transferred from a different person you have been subconsciously thinking about ? I find you dream very differently on how your life is at the time. Many books have said that dreams are just clearing your mind, I don’t agree. On the books I have read I have never found the answer. Just enjoy the good ones.

    • I agree with you. The transference…

      I had heard or read that your dreams are really representing yourself, and what you are…feeling/going through. That they ‘show’ you things about yourself that you are struggling with, experiencing.etc… I always think, what can I get from that dream, what am I telling myself. For most part it works. Usually the feeling of how I felt then. For example, my first love, I know that I am feeling some kind of loss or insecurity when I dream about him. I didn’t want the relationship to end, and will ‘cling’ to the idea that I still need him (in the dream), which of course I know I don’t, and will often work through that sense of…loss. When I wake up, I try to think about what I’m going through…and for most part it makes sense to me.

  3. Very thought-provoking subject, Bonnie.
    What makes us remember certain events and forget others? I have a long distance friend who recently brought up the topic of a visit she had made to Vancouver years ago. I remembered her coming but couldn’t for the life of me remember what we had done or the fact that I had apparently thrown a big dinner party during her stay. I pretended to remember but it was embarrassing!
    I was discussing this topic with another friend last week and she mentioned that she’s reading a book about the brain and memory issues. One of the best ways to combat memory loss is …drum roll… to get out and walk! Very interesting.

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