Lesbians – Like ’em or Loooove ’em

GirlsI have noticed an interesting phenomenon lately.  There was an article in O magazine about women leaving their men for other women.  Then Oprah did a whole show on the subject.  Then More magazine also did a story about the same subject.

What I found most interesting about these articles was that it seemed the women who were making the “switch” were all around my age (ok, I’ll just say it – 45).  Many had been happy with male partners for years but then fell in love with a woman.  They seemed to be as shocked as anyone else by the sudden change in preference.  And really it wasn’t a change in preference but more about the fact that they met a “person” that they fell in love with who happened to be the same gender as themselves.  This is the part that intrigues me.

I know there are a lot of girls that are bi-curious, (usually around college age though) and who experiment a little, but this is a different thing all together.  It feels to me like mainstream culture, in the western world anyway, is beginning to relax it’s love of labels and be more accepting of different choices.  It’s starting to feel like people are getting that it’s ok to love and be loved by whomever.

I have some very dear girl friends who are gay and who struggled with terrible fear about “coming out of the closet”.  They were afraid of so many things;  upsetting their families, being shunned by their church, etc.  This always saddened me.  Personally, I don’t understand how others feel they can label and judge according to someone’s sexual preference.  When they finally did “come out”  they were fortunate to have loving families and friends that supported them but I know this isn’t always the case.

Perhaps the reason some women my age are going this route is due to the fact that they’re finally really comfortable with who they are and are simply open to love, any kind of love, and if it comes from another woman, well, that’s just fine.  And when you really think about it, humanity doesn’t need us to be increasing our population as much as it needs more love.  Love in any form can’t be wrong.  Do you agree?



  • jacquie

    I agree with the concept of love being love wherever you find it… but I’d like to add to the idea that the reason for so many women are switching over is because now they’re finally comfortable with who they are and are open to any kind of love. An important part to remember is that everyone belongs somewhere on the Kinsey scale ~ 1 to 5, ranging from completely hetero to completely gay (3 is 50/50, or bi). Some women will never switch over no matter how ‘trendy’ it appears if it’s not in their make up.

  • Francesco

    In our Canada your personal choice for love is yours and your life can thrive. Check out the Pride Parade in Vancouver…I have for 4 years… its a hoot and this kind of display & expression is magnificent…& deserves support. Unlike the terrible edicits of tainted life for women in places such as Afghanistan… I sincerely wish that women like you would kick some serious ass in those places… you’re needed!!

  • Tracy Westerholm

    Great post Bonnie, becoming single again myself at least now the options are double !! I am going to buy some ‘Cherry Chapstick’ today in hopes that the familiar smell wafts through the air. I don’t think when someone finds themselves attracted to another soul of the same sex it has anything to do with being ‘trendy’. Some however are unsure and experiment to find out what they like or dislike. Knowing several gay men and woman and seeing them agonize over coming out makes you realize that today many people still judge. I think younger people are open to experimenting with relationships more than older ones, but perhaps we are now living true because we feel we finally can. I will be open and supportive for both my son and daughter if they one day come to me with a partner of the same sex. All I want for them is to live their authentic life and stand up proud with their head held high of who they are. Love is love and should have no boundaries or conditions applied or it is not true. I too have attended the Pride Parade in Vancouver and it was incredible to see so many great human beings living their lives truthfully !!!

  • Jacquie

    I can love my girlfriend and find her attractive, but it doesn’t mean I should also want to have sex with her or feel guilty if I say it will never interest me. I say live and let live. I shouldn’t feel ashamed of myself because I have never had the urge to ‘experiment’ with women, in college or otherwise, just like those who have done so shouldn’t feel they have to answer to anyone else or feel guilty. Yes, love is love, but sex is sex, and isn’t that what we’re talking here? The women on Oprah found themselves in a new relationship with a woman that involved love AND sex. And they also talked about having had little clues along the way that they might be open to the idea, so it really didn’t come out of the blue.
    When I use the word ‘trendy’ I’m talking about Madonna and Britney’s TV kiss, that sort of thing. I have teenagers and let me tell you, these things don’t go unnoticed. Do you see how many photos on facebook show girlfriends kissing in clubs? These aren’t girls naturally curious and trying to understand their emotions or passions. These are young women copying what they see in the media and putting their burgeoning sexuality on show for visual effect and shock value. Girl on Girl PDA’s are trendy right now! Anyway, the post was about adult women so I’ll drop that. I can honestly say I wouldn’t have a problem if a child of mine came home with a same sex partner. I just don’t think you suddenly become a lesbian in your mid forties, I’m just sayin’, there’s more to it than that.

  • Me

    Sorry my dear I have to disagree..Some people try all there lives to ignore their feelings , and then finally after either a divorce or living in the closet they decide to come out.Usually in their forties as they are finally accepting what their bodies have been telling them for years. I have many friends and relatives that this has been openly discussed with me. And when they do finally admit what they are they are much happier. I believe you are born with a gene missing and you just don’t become gay as a trend. The people that are afraid of homosexuality usually are frighten with in themselves.Not at all suggesting that you are.
    Just a subject that I have followed since my twenties.

  • Tracy

    I think this topic is great for all the comments and feedback it has brought out…no pun intended. I do agree with both ‘ME’ and ‘Jacquie’ on this, both valid points. I do think it is possible both ways, realizing at 45 you are finally comfortable coming out and doing it for the experience! But really ladies if we lived with other ladies think of all the pro’s, dinner ready when we came home, kids bathed and in bed on time, cold wine in the fridge, bubble bath on hand always, all night chats about great things, the pro’s are endless. I am kidding …sort of..wink wink. I love men and love my girlfriends too. It’s a wonderful world we live in isn’t it !!! Love you Ladies !! All of you !! And you too guys !! All of you !! xo and whyyy nottt ‘air kisses’

  • jacquie

    To Me,
    But that’s what I’m saying. Maybe not using the same words, but yes, I think those feelings were always there somewhere and only once someone is older and concentrating more on what really makes them happy do they feel ready to express them.
    What I feel is a trend is how women want to appear ‘sophisticated’ by openly flaunting their sexuality and that can sometimes mean bi-sexuality. Young girls are sending naked photos of themselves to boyfriends in high school because celebrity culture has made it OK. That’s not being authentic to their own voice.

    My only point was that the Oprah show, at times, made it seem as if a men were being thrown over for women once you get to your 40’s. I still maintain that the women who fall in love with women were already predisposed to do so and that’s NOT a bad thing! You said that you believe some are born with a gene missing… I think we’re all just born with different genes, the ones we were God given.
    I’m so glad we live in a place where , I think, people are more comfortable being true to themselves than they were in the past.
    If you read my post again you’ll see I was agreeing with you about most of it.
    Why is it that if someone has an opinion that there’s too much emphasis on sex (of any kind) in music videos, high schools, movies and talk shows they’re homophobic?

  • Me


    “I think, people are more comfortable being true to themselves than they were in the past.” So true J.
    “Why is it that if someone has an opinion that there’s too much emphasis on sex (of any kind) in music videos, high schools, movies and talk shows they’re homophobic?” I agree that comment is true to many. Kids now a days see far too much..
    I just think it is great that you three girls have different takes on some articles, that’s why I read your site every morning it will keep getting more readers because of this.
    I always try to be true to myself. I feel you all do the same.

  • t

    Well, finally i’m getting a chance to comment on this article….

    As one of those “really good friends” I have to say i’m finding some of the comments a bit amusing. Part of the reason I felt no need to “come out” to my friends and family (along with yes, fear) was that – why should i? why make this big production out of it? If being interested in the same sex is ever going to become acceptable, why should people make such a gynormous deal out of it? There are so many labels that people put on other people in this world – race, orientation, etc – if we stopped with the labels, maybe the world would become a more accepting place.

    I realize this is an idealistic point of view – but labels, in my opinion breed hatred. And isn’t hatred and intolerance what the world needs to get rid of?

    Recently I partook in a march against gay bashing – a man was attacked coming out of a gay nightclub and beat into a coma. What a horrible crime – but is it not a horrible crime no matter WHO it’s against, or what their orientation? I was marching against bashing in general. hate.

    The sad thing about this was that after doing the march, I read in a free Vancouver magazine a letter to the editor. In this letter a gay man wrote in very angrily about keeping “the straights” out of gay bars. Reclaiming Davie st as a gay street and if you want to go out with your “straight friends, go to the straight bars on granville”…. his anger towards straight people was very visible. But isn’t this the same intolerance he is fighting against? It upset me to see someone wanting respect and tolerance not giving out any.

    Maybe to some same sex relationships are a fad, maybe not, but isn’t it the individuals choice? And as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone – why should any of us care?

    • bonnie

      You are absolutely right in my opinion and you said it perfectly. Throw away the labels and with them the judgments. I hope I am still alive when the day comes that race and orientation are not even an issue…not even given a fleeting thought. I do believe it will be like that in the future, but we are still a way off yet. Thank you for sharing this with us.

      So you are reading our site! That in itself just made my day! : )

  • Tracy

    I agree with you “t” on all that you said. Why judge anyone for anything they choose to do. How does it effect you if someone else wants to be in love or just experience someone who happens to be the same sex. Unfortunatley some people can’t understand in their closed minds why you or I would choose to live a certain way because THEY can’t understand it! I have become single again and some of my friends think there has to be a “slot” to put us in because we are happy still, but apart. Some people need to put blame on someone to have it make sense. When they ask “why?” I respond “why not?”. If we are happy why can’t they be ? Live your life for you and your right why bother even tell anyone and make it a deal at all! No ones business but your own and if they know you they know you !!

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