Confessions of a Killer

“KILL IT!” I squealed.  “What is it?” he asked, cautiously approaching.

“Step on it!  Squash it with your shoe! It’s a cockroach!”

“Do they bite? Will it hurt you?” he asked while the doomed cockroach crunched under his shoe.  “Well, no” I replied “but they’re really ugly and I hate how they skitter around and they just gross me out!” A perfectly good reason to kill something, right? Not only kill something, but make someone else kill it for you.  The same scenario has been played out trillions of times with women and their husbands/boyfriends and spiders all over the world since time began.

After the dead cockroach was removed from my sight and put in a garbage bag far, far from my personal space, I relaxed and went back to my lounge chair and cup of tea.  I noticed a small ant had fallen into my tea.  I stuck my pinkie in the tea and let the ant climb aboard. Then I graciously allowed the ant to climb off my finger and resume his life on the ground. “Aw, I thought, “there you go cute little ant. You almost drowned but I saved you. Enjoy the rest of your life.”

As I watched the ant I suddenly realized that it was “skittering” away too.  So why didn’t the ant’s skitter bother me like the cockroaches skitter did.  I guess it’s because the ant is so small that it appears “cute” to me.  A two inch exact replica of the same ant would have me squealing for its death too.  What’s up with that?

I hate killing things, (or making others kill things for me); even spiders and cockroaches.  After I cause something to die I always feel guilty.  After all, everything on this earth has a purpose and everything is an amazing miracle of creation.  Yes, even cockroaches.  I just don’t want them in my house, or my yard, or within a mile radius of me actually.

It’s interesting that I don’t feel the same guilt when I spray bug spray in suspected areas and then a week later see the upside down bodies with their legs curled inwards and large X’s over their eyes.  In fact, that always makes me feel satisfaction.  “Ha! Gotcha!”  Meanwhile stomping on them would have been a quicker death than poisoning them.

The same goes for mice by the way.  Mice are really cute as cartoons but not at all when the real versions are in your house.  My husband thinks the same of squirrels but I kind of get a kick out of watching them play in the oak trees.  Its game over if they come into the house though.

I love nature and all creatures but something dark comes over me when nature walks into my house.  It feels like a billion year old instinct flickers to life within me.  Survive! Kill! Kill to survive!  And that is why the cockroach had to die.  I’m sorry cockroach…it had to be.


  • Tracy Westerholm

    Thanks for the giggle! I peeked at your post last week and wrote an entire post because of it. I might delay my ‘Red Flags’ one for a week and post it Wed.

    I agree with John, squirrels really are just rats with long fluffy tails but they squeak by because of it.

    I don’t want you to feel bad about the spider spray though, even if it’s just right before we come to visit, otherwise I won’t be able to sleep at night! Can you do the dock too, or is that too much to ask of the poor creepy crawlies! hmmmm xo

  • Chris

    Too funny ! I had to kill what I’m sure was a perfectly harmless spider this morning in my bathroom. Of course I felt bad as I was washing him down the drain in the shower, but he had to go !! And then I read your post. OMG — a cockroach ?! No question ! Squish ! I would not feel remotely bad about disposing of the dirty little bug !!
    And I feel the same way about spraying wasps’ nests. I have no problems watching them drop ! (been stung too many times)
    On the other hand, squirrels are very cute and should not be harmed (John!) 🙂
    Have a great weekend ! 🙂

  • Bonnie Johnson

    I promise I will always spray for spiders before you come to visit Tracy. Can’t do the dock though because I don’t want to pollute the water your children swim in. (Maybe the boat though- yes, definitely the boat. hee hee)

    Yes, wasp’s. Forgot about those but yep, no guilt when I kill those. Made me think of your sting to the lip last summer. Poor you Chris… but man you looked funny. I feel kind of bad that I laughed every time I saw you but it was entertaining. My bad. 🙂

  • Chris

    Actually I totally forgot about getting stung in the mouth last summer and then getting laughed at all afternoon by you!! Yeah, there was no sympathy coming from your direction !! 🙂

  • jacquie

    I prefer to let Gavin do the dirty deed if the arachnid is any bigger than my thumbnail. Anything smaller I can handle. I agree with you Bonnie; my home is my sanctuary and I don’t share it with anything but humans. Outside I’ll leave the creepy crawlies alone, but once inside their days are numbered if I find ’em.

    Think about this: I heard that over our lifetime we consume over a pound of spiders that enter our mouths while we sleep! I’m checking snopes right now and will get back to you!

    OK, so it was only 8 spiders per year and …. it’s an urban legend.

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