Clam Shell or Sea Anemone?


I’m writing about bathrooms today.  This post has been bubbling up in my subconscious ever since I went to use the restroom in a restaurant recently.  I was faced with two doors.  One had a picture of a rooster on it and the other a picture of a hen.  My first thought was:

Chickens? Why are there pictures of chickens on the bathroom doors?

Then I realized I had to pick a door that best matched my anatomy.  Really? So I stood there for a split second wondering if I were more like a hen or a rooster.

I’m a hen! That’s it; they want me to relate to the hen! Phew!

I walked into the hen door confidently.

I have been to other restaurants or bars where the signs were less obvious.  Why do they do that?  Perhaps it’s their way of finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings, but I have to say that when I have to go the last thing I want is to have to stop and ponder whether I’m a clam shell or a sea anemone!

Then there is this new trend of not having to touch anything in a public restroom? What a great invention. I prefer the bathrooms where there is no door at all to touch just a curved entry.  There is still the stall door itself to deal with however and I am a little frustrated when the automated toilet flushes at all the wrong times.

Wait, I’m not finished! I accidentally leaned to the left slightly and suddenly SWOOSH!

Ok, now I’m finished.  Take it away.  Well, go on! Flush now!! No?

So I sway back and forth, move in, move back, flap my arms (ah, now I get the chicken analogy) and still nothing.  Aargh!

Next are the auto soap dispensers and the auto on/ off taps to deal with.  The soap dispenser usually works just fine, and may even spit out a blob of strong smelling soap but the tap…

I eye the sink nervously then I move my hands back and forth under the tap.

Come on, come on, please, please, please COME ON!  Nothing.

Move to the next sink and pray for water.  If successful there is still the towel dispenser to conquer.  That is if there is a towel dispenser.  Don’t you hate hand blowers?  They never really dry your hands.  You always have to resort to wiping your hands on your clothes. However, I was in an airport bathroom recently which had these hand blowers that were amazing.  You dipped your hands into them and within a few seconds every drop of moisture was gone.  I was a little alarmed by how impressed I was.

One recent public bathroom I visited had the seat wrapped in plastic.  You pressed a button and the plastic was rotated so you had a fresh section of plastic on your seat.  How the heck does that work? Where does the old plastic go? How do I know my new plastic is really new? Inquiring minds want to know!

I’ve only scratched the surface of public bathroom talk.  I haven’t covered out houses, the European experience, or port-a-potties yet.  Another time perhaps. (I’m not sure how much more of this Jacquie can take.)   ;)

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9 thoughts on “Clam Shell or Sea Anemone?

  1. OMG! I’m reading this and from the very beginning I could relate. I don’t remember which restaurant I was at last year where I literally stood in front of the two doors for a good 5 minutes trying to figure out which restroom I was supposed to use! And I, too, had to do that stupid chicken dance to get the damned thing to flush last week! In addition, I always use my sleeve or a paper towel to cover the door handle when exiting.

    I have no problem with this kind of post. It’s real and it’s hilarious and not at all offensive. The fact that you would worry about me reading this sorta thing tells me maybe you don’t really get me.

    I don’t like crude or unladylike language used on a site that’s is supposed to be about inspiration and finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings. I do like funny ‘slice of life’ conversations to which we can all relate, like this post. It was done in a very classy way, actually, so I was disappointed to read the last line.

    Oh, and I think I’d go in the door with the clam shell. : )

  2. OMG I’m laughing Bonnie! Your sense of haha should be in The Book of Awesome!

    I could so relate to not wanting an IQ test when I am feeling under pressure, literally! I stood this morning at Chapters waiting because the door was locked confused thinking…I know there is more than one stall in there, I’ve been here before, but maybe they did a reno? Why are there buttons on the door to push that I can’t read because they are BLACK and I have no glasses on! Finally another woman appeared and swiftly asked the Barista why it was locked. Yup I was too lazy to walk the 20 feet myself, she obviously had to go more than I! Apparently now you need an access code and even if I personally got it, I couldn’t see the numbers anyway! Sheesh! Coffee and a locked bathroom don’t go together very well.

    It’s Cactus Club that has the nifty plastic that circulates around the toilet seat, I sat and trusted? TV in the door too! Woot woot, kids at the table a couple minutes to spare, they don’t know which stall I’m in so they won’t dare come looking for me. Su-weet!

    I play a joke on my Mom every time we enter a public washroom together saying a couple seconds after going into my stall “God the toilet seat is so cold” I get her every time! :)

    Remember going to that club years ago Bon, I think it may have been a how do you say…K Gay bar and there wasn’t anything that made sense on the door so we just picked one, and when I came out of the bathroom there were men washing their hands. Yes washing their hands! And for those of you who are wondering silently yes Bonnie and I are gay. Kidding, we went to dance because it Rocked!

    Great fun this morning reading your post Bon, thanks for the giggles!

    I love that Tara Cronica has three different woman all finding lyrical beauty in everyday happenings in their own way! It is what makes our site unique I think. As long as we continue to use our authentic voice, being true to self it will continue to add variety to those who visit us and variety is the spice of life.
    xo

    • Yes, we all have our own voices and I accept that, but what I was commenting on was the assumption that I would have a negative reaction to this post when the opposite was true. I was enjoying it very much. No one likes to be misrepresented. The last line was unnecessary and felt like a jab.

  3. I think Jerry Seinfeld is going to see if he can use this in one of his stand up routines…Very funny Bonnie. Boy can I relate!

  4. I’m sorry Jacquie. I definitely didn’t mean it as a jab. Just having fun. I don’t see you enough and so wasn’t sure how you’d react. I wish we were in the same city more often. I think highly of you, that’s all. xo

  5. I was wishing I’d added that I didn’t think any harm was meant. I know you, Bonnie, and your intentions are not to harm.

    I’m just learning how to stand up for myself and lose my fear of speaking my mind. It’s all good. And I wish we could get together more often, as well. : )

    Svaha
    xoxox

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