No Words Are Needed

What would happen if we turned off all speech for a time; if we didn’t allow words of any kind to escape our lips? What would the world be like if we lost all language?

Facebook would sure look different.

We’d still have music, just no lyrics. There could still be television but CNN would only be allowed to show video of politicians actually performing their duties and not just talking about them. Can you imagine how nice that would be?

We could wave at each other and hug each other, maybe even shake our fists at each other, but we couldn’t yell obscenities or even utter snide comments. You may be thinking about how sad it would be to not hear the words “I love you”. Yes, but we all know that “I love you” can be said with just a look or a touch. We’d have to show each other.

I don’t know for sure because I’ve never lived in a world without language, but I suspect it would be beautiful. I suspect that it would be a more peaceful world. Not because it would be quieter, although that’s a lovely thought too, but because we would all experience a richer, deeper insight within the silence. Our other senses would probably be heightened and our minds would be open to all kinds of inspiration.

Of course, I say this all by writing these words, by having my words deliver this message. I know we need language to communicate but it seems that it is more important these days to be heard than it is to listen. Being heard is important. I get that. It validates us somehow if we think we have been heard, but I also think so much can be gained from silently listening; to each other, to nature, to our own inner dialogue and to the silence in between our thoughts.

What is even more disappointing to me is that it doesn’t seem to be enough for people to be heard, they also must be right. Their way must be the right way. Their point of view, their opinion, their politics, their religion, the colour of their house, you name it, they have to be right. Preach, preach, grand stand, lecture, blah, blah, blah.

I know it is unlikely the world will ever be without words, and I for one would be lost without books, but it would be sooooo nice if we could all sit quietly for awhile and just listen…

 

 

 

Share

Too Soon!

Checked the date and yep, it’s November 8th! The 8th of November people. (Hence the moustache) Waaay before Christmas. So far before Christmas in fact, we haven’t even honoured our veterans on Remembrance Day yet.

So I was thoroughly disappointed, peeved even, to drive by this last night:

You can’t see it clearly but they even have their entire back yard decorated. I know. It’s a blurry dark picture. I took it with my cell phone after dark, out an open car window while I insisted my husband drive slooowly  by the place.  Plus we had the added pressure of irritated cranky traffic building behind us just so I could get the shot. You’re welcome.  I think the sight of this ridiculous house fully vamped out in Christmas lights on the 7th of November probably added to the stress level of everyone in the cars behind us too. I’m sure that’s what all the honking was about. Anyway…Seriously?! You’re going to start decorating for Christmas already? There should be a law against this. If I were Queen of The World I would definitely make it a rule. Same goes for leaving decorations up well after Christmas. I would deem January 15th the cut off…or off with your head!

The whole “rush” for Christmas makes me crazy. We are missing out on the special beauty of the season when we drag it out for so long. Ya, ya, it’s December 25th, looks the same as November 25th, which looks the same as January, February and March 25th…what’s the big deal? Aargh!

Is it just me or are things getting ridiculous out there? Maybe we should start a movement. We could “Occupy” something, or start our own North American “Spring” and call it NED for No Early Decorators or what about Mothers Against Decorating Dingbats. MADD, wait, that ones taken. I’m open for suggestions.

I just want people to slow down…what’s the point of getting an early start on the holiday season. It will be here soon enough. Honest. Let’s not start the Christmas music loop too soon. I would love to hear Silent Night a week before Christmas and get a warm fuzzy feeling instead of wanting to scream “MAKE IT STOP!!!” Don’t ruin the magic of Christmas by making it start so early and go on for so long that it loses it’s original essence. Puh leeze! I’m begging you.

 

 

Share

Mmm Fresh Baked…Bread?


First of all, happy November, or Movember as it’s called these days! Come on all you guys out there, be sure to get your prostate checked!

Now, back to the bread…I found this little nugget while surfing around Mashable.com the other day and immediately sent the story to Tracy. Nobody can fart likes a good flatulence story like my dear friend Tracy. I knew she’d find it funny. It was Tracy that insisted I share it here with you today.  So sorry…or, if you have a slightly crooked funny bone like ours, you’re welcome!

Direct from Mashable:

Eloquently entitled, “You farted last night in Sobeys!” the Missed Connection was published Friday on Kijiji, a hub for posting online classified ads, similar to Craigslist.

A man based in Moncton, Canada spotted the object of his desire at Canadian supermarket chain, Sobeys. He wrote:

You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, “Was that you?” You quickly replied “No … Wasn’t me!” You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of teh (sic) stench by waving 2 loafs of ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I’d love to meet up sometime!

While the poster could be a troll, there’s a chance that he’s a real guy who won’t let one smelly encounter foil his chance for true love.

This is the kind of story that makes you sigh “awwww” while almost simultaneously gagging out “ewwww”. Yep it makes your heart flutter while making your stomach turn.

My first thought was, oh, you have to call him smelly girl. How perfect, he’s smelled the worst of you and he still wants to date you. Then I thought, oh gross, he’s smelled the worst of you and he still wants to date you.

What do you think? Should the tall Clydesdale waft her way over to a phone and call him?

 

 

Share

Clever Logos


I’m a sucker for good marketing I will admit, but it has to be good. I can be swayed by a clever tv commercial or magazine ad, but… if an ad annoys me I will go out of my way to NOT buy the product which is why I will NEVER ever buy insurance from Aflac or Mucinex DM for a cold.

On the other hand, I’m truly inspired by some of the really really clever logos that have been designed with thoughtful artistic care. I’m especially impressed by the ones that have objects or symbols hidden within the design and that use negative space for subliminal impact. How cool is that? Here are some that I think are very clever:

FedEx has it’s hidden arrow. What? You’d never noticed that before? It’s right there between the E and the x. Clever.

 

 

The A and the I and the M and the S combined with the reflection create a fish. Clever.

 

 

 

Bison is the name of a band in Vancouver. Whoever designed their logo was super clever.

 

 

I’m not a fan of Bank of America, (I have my reasons) but it is clever how they incorporated the eagle inside the B and A.

 

 

The golfer swinging becomes the face of the spartan warrior. Clever!

 

 

 

 

Another raven formed in the middle by the three outside ravens. So clever.

 

 

 

Can you make out the bear climbing the mountain? Yep, clever.

 

 

 

 

 

Here are some more that I think are very clever and imaginative.

Amazon claims to sell everything from a to z and the arrow then becomes a smile. Clever.

 

 

Sun Micro Systems. No matter which angle you look at it, it always says SUN. Clever.

 

 

2011 – Year Of The Rabbit! So clever.

 

 

 

 

If this doesn’t give you a sense of freedom I don’t know what would. Very clever.

 

 

 

 

I salute you designers! Where do you tap into that creativity? I’d like to find the source.

Share

Svaha Spirit Series ~ Fantastic Fungi

An excerpt from the feature documentary by Louie Schwartzberg following notable mycologist, Paul Stamets, as he discusses the important role mushrooms play in the survival and health of the earth and human species.

Mmm mushrooms. I’m cooking some up tonight to have on our steak.

Happy Sunday everyone!

Share

7 Ways to Keep Your Breasts Healthy

During Breast Cancer Awareness month this October I thought I would share an important article I found on the Women’s Health Magazine website on 7 ways to keep your breasts healthy. I’m trying to abide by all of these tips (although I’m not happy about number 3) and I’ve even recently applied for genetic testing as my mother had an aggressive breast cancer 15 years ago. She is a survivor thankfully. I had opted to not be tested when she was first diagnosed but genetic testing has advanced since then and now I want to know. These tips work for men as well. Don’t forget, men are not immune to breast cancer!

1. Stay at a healthy weight
Being heavy can increase your risk of developing the disease as well as reduce your risk of surviving it, says Harold Freeman, M.D., president and founder of the Ralph Lauren Center for Cancer and Prevention in New York City.

 

 

2. Break a sweat
Aim to exercise for 45 minutes to an hour five days a week. Regular fitness workouts may help prevent the disease by boosting immune function, warding off obesity, and lowering levels of estrogen and insulin.

 

 

3. Drink less alcohol
Research has shown that two drinks a day could increase breast cancer risk by 21 percent. Instead, try swapping wine for fresh grapes. Resveratrol, found in the skin of grapes, may help reduce your estrogen levels, which in turn may reduce your risk.

 

 

4. Eat your veggies
A low-fat diet can do a lot to reduce your risk, but for even more protection, add some cruciferous vegetables, such as broccoli and kale, to your plate. They contain sulforaphane, which is believed to help prevent cancer cells from multiplying. For an extra dose of cancer-fighting power, eat them raw.

 

5. Know your family history
“In about 15 percent of breast cancer cases, there is a family history of the disease,” Freeman says. If you have one first-degree relative who had breast cancer, your lifetime risk doubles, and if you have two your risk increases five-fold.

 

 

6. Get checked
All women should have a clinical breast exam at least every three years and annual exams and mammograms starting at age 40. Women with a family history should begin screening 10 years prior to the family member’s age of diagnosis. Ask if the facility offers digital mammography–it allows for adjustments in contrast so the image can be easier to see. Young women at increased risk may also want to ask for either an MRI or a sonogram in addition to the mammogram.

7. Consider genetic testing
“When cancer strikes young women, it’s more likely to be connected to a BRCA mutation,” Mangino says. Two red flags for being a BRCA carrier: being of Ashkenazi (Eastern European) Jewish descent or having a family history of both breast and ovarian cancer. “If you have either of these factors, see a genetic counselor to talk about getting tested,” she says.

 

Stay healthy everybody and let’s kick cancer off the planet! Svaha!

 

 

Share

Why I Detest Grocery Shopping

Sadly, grocery shopping is something that I do almost every day. I try to plan ahead, but I usually forget something each time I shop, or once home again, discover something else we’re suddenly out of, and so the very next day I am back shopping again. I don’t do it for the fun, oh no, shopping for our groceries is about as fun for me as a dental visit only without the Lidocaine. Not to mention that the cost of groceries is equivalent to paying for a couple of root canals without insurance coverage. If only there was a laughing-gas kiosk at the front of every grocery store.

These are a few reasons why I hate grocery shopping:

  • Cart hogs. Why do people leave their carts in the middle of the aisle so nobody else can get by? Why? Why do they do it?
  • People who know you are trying to reach a tomato but who block your reach with their cart and body as they pick up each and every tomato with those dirty, germy fingers you’ve just watched them wipe their runny nose on.
  • Whenever I choose to grab a basket over a buggy, that’s when the 2 litre jugs of orange juice are on sale for buy 1 get 3 free and the giant heavy hams are 2 for 1. Either that or 2 aisles in to my shopping I remember the 20 other items I forgot we needed when I put those 3 light weight items on my list.
  • Which brings me to…struggling to hold an over packed heavy basket when the person in front of me at the check out places her one item, usually a carton of eggs, at the end of the belt, even though yards of empty belt stretch out ahead of her so that I’m left holding my basket and popping hernia’s.
  • The carts that require a quarter or worse, a loonie, and I’m all out of change. Again I’m left with only a basket.
  • After carefully scanning the flyers and searching out the sale items, I discover, only once I’m home again, that I was charged full price for the “sale” item.
  • If I’m on top of my game and actually catch a mistake as the cashier is putting my groceries through, the dirty looks I get from people in the line behind me as the cashier rolls her eyes and calls for a supervisor to adjust my bill…kind of deflates the joy I feel at saving myself that 30 extra cents.
  • I think my biggest irritation at the till is that person behind me in line that thinks it’s ok to literally stand so close as to lean against my shoulder while I try to shield my pin number from them. Back off and please get OUT of MY space! Trust me, I’m trying to get out as fast as I can!
  • Self check outs…really, do these ever work? They still need someone to stand there and help you when the stupid machine crashes, so what exactly is the point?

These are just a few reasons I despise grocery shopping.  And while we are talking about shopping I just want to leave you with a thought.

Costco needs an express lane. Right? It happens occasionally that I go into Costco specifically for one, only one, giant box of __________ (insert anything imaginable – socks, chicken breasts, batteries, almonds…whatever…it’s always going to be a giant box of whatever).  Why, oh why, do I have to wait behind someone who is re-stocking their corner store and has 3 giant carts full of boxes of gummy bears? In other words, why does a quick stop at Costco always have to take at least 2 ½ hours?

Ok, enough of my ranting. I will let you get on with your day, besides I have to go out to pick up a few groceries.  🙁

 

 

Share

Svaha Spirit Series ~ 30 Day Challenge


I so want to do this…I just have to figure out what I want to challenge myself to do for 30 days. Suggestions? (Be nice)

I came across this inspiring and short, less than 4 minutes short, Ted Talk by Matt Cutts of Google fame. He’s got me all riled up to challenge myself now.

Is there something you’ve always meant to do, wanted to do, but just … haven’t? Matt Cutts suggests: Try it for 30 days. This short, lighthearted talk offers a neat way to think about setting and achieving goals.

Svaha

Share

40 Second Rant

We all need to rant every now and then. I like that More magazine (you know, the magazine “For Grown-up Women with Smarts|Spirit|Style”) features a 40 second rant in their issues. I think 40 seconds is the perfect amount of time to rant too. Any longer and you cross into whine territory and that’s just annoying. It’s not lost on me that the magazine is for over 40’s and they chose 40 seconds for the rant but I think we should draw the line there. No one wants to hear a 49 year old rant on and on for 49 seconds. That would just be too much!

Here is a rant from the Feb/March 2010 issue of More called Flex This!

My name is Sarah and I am a flexitarian. For those of you unfamiliar with the term (as I was until a marketing expert enlightened me), allow me: “Flexitarianism describes a way of eating that allows you to be a flexible vegetarian.” Yeah, that’s right — you can be a holier-than-thou, kale-and-quinoa-consuming veggie freak, who, from time to time, inhales prime rib. Awesome, yes? For the record, I’m also a fleximoralist who enjoys mocktails with my best frenemies. Authenticity is so overrated.

If I were going to offer a rant of my own at this time, it might be  about the joys of hot flashes and the consequential lack of sleep that accompany them and why I think men should all have to pass a whole cantaloupe at least once in their lives, but I’m not going to go down that path.  No I prefer to keep it light and humorous today, so  here are some more of Sarah Moore’s 40 second rants:

Have something you want to rant about?Leave it in the comments below, but remember, 40 seconds max!

 

 

Share

My Bad


I’ve been thinking about why good people do bad things lately. No, not because I’ve done anything bad…necessarily. Me? I would never do anything bad…would I? The truth is I have done some “bad” things in my life. I’ve lied to people (little white ones), cheated (not that kind of cheated –diet cheating), trespassed (Barry made me do it), nothing major mind you, but yep I’ve been bad. But before you go judging me, I’ll bet any money that you have too. It must be human nature, built into our DNA that we will, at some point in our lives, do something bad. From that first bite of apple…

I started thinking about “bad vs good” when watching the tv series Breaking Bad. I love the show, love the actors and I think the writing is very, very good. The main character, Walter White, starts out as a really nice guy that we can relate to but as the story progresses he changes, once he starts breaking bad (A colloquialism popular in the American Southwest referring to when someone has taken a turn off the path of the straight and narrow, when they’ve deviated from what’s right.) he spirals into a real bad ass. What is most disturbing about watching his character is how he so easily progresses from good to bad. And, what may be worse, we sympathize with him. We get why he does what he does. Well, not all of the bad he does, but enough to worry me.

I realize that, wow; we all have the capacity to be bad under the right circumstance. Seriously. Think about it, have you ever taken a cookie when you were told you weren’t allowed one, or “borrowed” a few coins from your dads/brothers/sisters coin jar but “forgot” to return them. Yep, that’s how it starts, just kidding…sort of. We rationalize that it’s not that bad, they won’t even miss a few quarters, but before you know it BAM! You’ve crossed some invisible line and there’s no going back. You are now a bad ass and if you are not careful you could end up wearing an orange jumpsuit while picking up garbage off the side of the road. If you get caught.

When we were young we tested our parents with our bad behaviour because we needed to learn the difference between acceptable and bad behaviour and so we tested our boundaries. During this time we probably learned that there were also some things that we could get away with.. Just don’t get caught.

The other day I went to buy a few things at a well known large conglomerate craft store, let’s call it…Miguel’s, and when the girl was scanning my purchases I noticed that three of my items scanned in at $0.01. Now I knew they should have scanned at around $6 but did I say anything to her? No way, instead I grinned and happily went on my way. I rationalized that this conglomerate over charges us for almost everything and the cashier would not personally be held responsible for the mistake because the item scanned wrong. Not her fault. There, I rationalized my way out of any remorse for knowingly ripping off a store…or as it is commonly called – stealing.

I’ve come to understand that our motivation behind doing something bad effects how we see reality. You know, like when a cyclist entering a well known European race takes steroids because everyone else does and it’s the only way to win again and again but they deny it to the end because they’ve been denying it for so long that it becomes the truth…to them. Plus the consequences are just too great to see it any other way.

You see, we can all rationalize our bad behaviour because most of us think of ourselves as mostly good, decent human beings. We believe the few bad things we do are over shadowed by the many good things we do. The scale is tipped more towards us being good than bad. Or that the good cancels out the bad.

But sometimes I just don’t know…how deep does your inner Walter White go?

 

Share

Svaha Spirit Series ~ Neil Pasricha: The 3 A’s of Awesome

Ok, it’s no secret that I love Neil Pasricha and his blog and his Book of Awesome series. I’ve written about him here on Tara Cronica twice before! He is my hero for a few reasons. He is awesome himself for starters. He won the Webby Award for best blog in the world for his blog 1000 Awesome Things two years in a row. He’s Canadian. He’s authentic. He’s in touch with his inner 3 year old and just generally has a great attitude. And now he has a video on Ted! Yay! Watch this and be inspired by a truly awesome guy.

Share

Just A Little Heart Attack

Ok, listen up ladies. This is serious. Please, please, please look after yourselves. It’s  the same idea as the put-your-oxygen-mask-on-first rule. You have to look after yourself first in order to look after everyone else, so come on, learn the signs of a heart attack (still the number one killer of women) and then take them seriously. The following video is a very funny but spot-on look at a woman having a heart attack. Funny? I know… but it gets the point across using humour and perhaps the signs will stick in our minds better because of it. Also, I think Elizabeth Banks is great!

Taken directly from the Go Red For Women website:

Signs of a Heart Attack:

  1. Uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain in the center of your chest. It lasts more than a few minutes, or goes away and comes back.
  2. Pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
  3. Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
  4. Other signs such as breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness.
  5. As with men, women’s most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting and back or jaw pain.

If you have any of these signs, don’t wait more than five minutes before calling for help. Call 9-1-1…Get to a hospital right away.

Check out the site for great tips, stories and support.

Share

15 Things Worth Knowing About Coffee

I gave up drinking coffee 5 or 6 years ago. Why? Why, would anyone in their right mind give up the ol’ day starter, jitter juice, life blood, Juan Valdez’s Best? Well, it started with a cleanse I did where I was only allowed green tea and, it turns out, my stomach is much happier with green tea. My morning mind muddle really misses the morning mud however.  And the aroma.  I love the smell of freshly ground coffee beans and the warm swirling steamy scent from that first pour. Mmmm. It’s the aroma that has tempted me into a few cheats lately. So I suffer with a bit of bent-over-cramping, and I’m unable to do anything but lay on my left side for a couple of hours while I writhe in pain and sweat profusely, whatever! It’s so worth it sometimes.

Well now that you know about my relationship with coffee, here are a few more (15 actually) tidbits about coffee you can impress your coffee shop cronies with the next time you meet at your local java hut. Thank you to Matthew Inman at theoatmeal.com for your insight and humour!

~

Share

Svaha Spirit Series~The Great Boat Lift of 9/11

Here’s a part of the story of 9/11 that I had never heard about before. I only remember seeing  people running up and away from lower Manhatten but of course there was the option of escaping over the water too.

Tom Hanks narrates the epic story of the 9/11 boatlift that evacuated half a million people from the stricken piers and seawalls of Lower Manhattan. Produced and directed by Eddie Rosenstein. Eyepop Productions, Inc.

Svaha!

Share

Kick’em When You’re Down

People often do uncharacteristic things when they are newly divorced or separated. Maybe they buy a flashy car, get drunk too often, sleep with people they don’t know, start a blog…but for me it was kick boxing. I may or may not have done some of the other things too, but I seem to have some big gaps in my memory during that time…thankfully.

Anyway, back when I was too young and married to anotha I’d always felt “looked after”. You know? Like, if a pipe or something broke in the house, there was someone there to fix it, if I couldn’t move a piece of furniture, there was someone stronger to lift it, if a bad guy broke in, I had someone big enough to hide behind, and so yes, I felt like I was “looked after”. But when I found myself on my own with a small child I suddenly felt r-e-a-l-l-y vulnerable.

The first thing I did was buy myself a small metal tool box and an electric drill. I remember feeling ridiculously giddy and really tough at the same time after I successfully installed my first curtain rod.  Look at me! I can look after myself! (Don’t judge…I was still only in my 20’s)

Anyway, kick boxing. It actually makes perfect sense when you stop and think about it. I needed to feel like I could protect myself and my young son, I needed to get stronger. Plus I was still pissed off with the whole failed marriage thing and I needed to beat on someone. Kick boxing fit the bill perfectly. After learning the basics and pummelling the heavy bag (which looked remarkably like my ex) for a few months I was finally able to get in the ring and spar with a real person. It was invigorating even when it was sometimes painful. Despite always being covered from head to foot in padding, there were some rounds that left me bruised and limping. Still, it didn’t matter, I felt strong and ready to take on the world.

The gym, or Dojo, I learned kick boxing in also trained us in Karate. I learned so much from that discipline. At one point I couldn’t afford to continue my membership so I asked if I could work it off somehow. Luckily the Dojo needed to be painted. Perfect! I spent all of my spare time there and instead of  going out and drinking and partying too much like most twenty-something singles, I trained. Meanwhile, I got into the best physical shape I’d ever been in. My confidence soared. I was not only physically stronger but without realizing it, I had become emotionally stronger too.

Kick boxing and Karate entered my life at the perfect time. I’d like to end this by saying how it’s kept me young and in shape but the truth is, after a few years I moved on and away from the sport. Part of me wishes I hadn’t – the part that wishes I could still deliver a powerful round house kick to someone’s head if I had to…but I can’t. Truth is, I just don’t feel the need to any longer. There is a bigger part of me that is grateful I don’t have to fight anyone anymore. Somewhere along the way I lost the anger and vulnerability. All these many years later my young son is now a grown man and more than capable of looking after himself. Plus, as long as I don’t have to live with him, I consider the heavy bag my ex a friend.  So it’s all good. Hiy Ya!

Share

Svaha Spirit Sunday ~ Underwater Astonishments

“Today we’ve only explored about 3 percent of what’s out there in the ocean. Already we’ve found the world’s highest mountains, the world’s deepest valleys, underwater lakes, underwater waterfalls … . There’s still 97 percent, and either that 97 percent is empty or just full of surprises.” (David Gallo)

A pioneer in ocean exploration, David Gallo is an enthusiastic ambassador between the sea and those of us on dry land. I look forward to all that he and his associates discover down there. Amazing!

Share

D’oh!

I searched frantically through my purse for my sunglasses while driving in town the other day. They weren’t in my purse; they weren’t in the little sunglass pop down thingy conveniently built into my Jetta. Where the heck were they? It was about that time that I glanced up at myself in the rear view mirror and noticed that I was wearing sunglasses. Oh no! It’s happening! Is this what they call having a “senior moment”?

Recently at my family reunion we all laughed and laughed at my aunt who claimed she’d lost her glasses when in fact they were resting on her nose for all to see. Old people do the darndest things, we thought.

A few days ago, John jumped in his truck and left for work wearing his slippers. Our son, who was riding to work with him, casually asked him if he planned to work in his slippers that day. They had to turn around and come home for his work boots. Of course I giggled when I heard what he’d done but it was more of a nervous giggle. Are we becoming the bumbling generation whose fumbling we once considered cute and funny? Let me tell you, it doesn’t seem at all cute when it’s you doing the fumbling.

A friend was visiting recently and after hearing about my lost sunglasses, she decided she’d always be prepared! (Actual photo of friend was removed – see rendition of friend below):

I know it has a lot to do with having too much going on at once, but there was a time when I could multitask and still know for sure if my sunglasses were on my face or not. The worst part about making these little gaffs is that you just feel so damn stupid. If I wanted to feel stupid I’d attempt the NY Times crossword puzzle on a Saturday or find a Rubik’s Cube to fail at. I don’t want to feel stupid so I went in search of others to make me feel smarter. I didn’t have to look far. There are lots of others who fumble out there. Here are just a few:

Question: If you could live forever, would you, and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”   – Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss USA pageant

“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean … I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” – Mariah Carey

“I have opinions, strong ones, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I agree with them.”  – George Bush

“A proof is a proof. What kind of proof? It’s a proof. A proof is proof. And when you have a good proof, it’s because it is proven.”  – Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chrétien

“So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”  – Christina Aguilera

“Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something.”  – Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player

“It’s not the most intellectual job in the world, but I do have to know the letters.”   – Vanna White, game show hostess

Ahhh, thank you people. I feel so much better now. Just remember, if you are ever feeling dense, go straight to your computer and search the internet for dumb things people say and do. You’ll feel better in no time.

Share